Rashida, Rashida

Black Women's Promiscuity - Our Dirty Little Secret

2011-03-13T12:53:00.000-07:00

If you visit many black blogs devoted to covering entertainment, gossip, lifestyle issues, etc. you will often see a common thread in the comments section. Black women commenters lamenting about how "whorish" and "loose" and "nasty" nonblack (particularly white) women are. The public sentiments of many black women is that nonblack women are far more sexually promiscuous than black women (hence why an increasing number of black men are entering committed and non committed relationships with them). Cuz uhm, all you negroes want is a hole to stick it in cuz you're savages, animals, etc.

I truly believe that black women actually think this is true. White women are portrayed in the media as being sexy, attractive, sexual, feminine and the object of desire. It would only stand to reason that these women are portrayed this way because they are just oozing sex and very open to sex with just about anyone, anytime, anywhere. I think most black women believe that the experiences of the "Girls Gone Wild" type of white women is indicative of all white women. College-aged white women that participate in "spring break" type sexual activities are not the norm among white women. If it were, white women would probably find a hard time finding men to take them seriously, right? I think another reason for the stereotype of the "wanton white woman" is because white women were on the front lines of the sexual revolution. They were publicly pushing for birth control, sexual liberation and sexual freedom for women. It was this sexual social activism that helped permanently brand white women as sexually loose and irresponsible - mainly by white men that felt that this new found liberation would have only negative consequences. You can decide for yourself if they were right.

Anyway, I remember Joe Francis from "Girls Gone Wild" was on Tyra Banks' talk show and he said that the only reason there were no black girls on GGW was because the black girls wanted to be PAID for their appearance. There was never a lack of black girls willing to make out with each other, get naked or simulate sex - they just wanted cash for it. I think this is an important point. Nonblack women are often called whores by black women because they "do it for free" or "get nothing in return" or they are having sex with a black man (automatically makes her a whore, no matter what). Since most black women do not go to college (especially with white women) and most do not have friendships with white women it is amazing how so many can attest to the sexual behaviors of women they don't really know. However if white women were to make blanket claims about black women being whores, well, we all know all hell would break loose. Black women would accuse white women of trying to sabotage their dating opportunities by labeling them as promiscuous. It is ok for black women to undercut the femininity of other women (we are on the bottom, you see) but everyone else is supposed to create a level playing field.

But in a way our "underdog" status has actually worked to our advantage....

Since black women are not portrayed as sexy, attractive, feminine and desirable it is easy for us to claim that we are not promiscuous as other groups. The "hottentot venus" image was created by racist whites therefore any commentary on our sexual behaviors stems from racism. And unlike black men who "embrace all the sexual stereotypes about them" black women tend to deny them and attribute them to racism or black men. Decades of deflection, denial and fat out LYING has led to the myth of the "chaste black woman who is used, abused and exploited by black men and racist whites" becoming a popular talking point. Black women are either having sex with men we don't want to have sex with due to indoctrination, we are being raped, we are being manipulated, we have no control over our bodies, we are letting black men hit it raw because we are afraid we'll lose them, etc. Yet many black women will loudly proclaim they "got that good-good" or "they can make a ni**a scream!". We are so out of control in our sex lives but at the same time we have mastered making a man feel good. Men who want us for sex are buying into racist stereotypes, but we will gladly own up to the fact that only "we" know how to really satisfy a man. A lot of cognitive dissonance at play here.

When no one is paying attention to what you're doing, you can pretty much do anything. Most other groups have no interest in our sexual behaviors outside of the negative societal affects of out of wedlock parenting. The truth is, the results of our sexual behaviors have encroached upon others. Whereas the results of the GGW white women have not. White and asian women's sexual activity has not resulted into a burden on taxpayers, the public school system, law enforcement and communities. Also, white women's (and a growing number of Asian women's) sexual behavior is POLICED by white men. Black men have never had the ability to police anything black women do, especially when it comes to sex. Black women could be raped with impunity and black men were pretty much powerless to stop it. Yet white men could forbid a white woman from even looking at a black man. White men have always placed boundaries on white women's sexuality, even after the sexual revolution. They still do. White women are not sexually liberated, they are liberated for white men to use however they see fit, trade in for younger models, ridicule and mock, etc.

Decades of black women being able to hide behind the "no good niggas leaving us with babies" and "all black men want white women eventually" left us pretty much uncriticzed. We were the perpetual victims of weak men that would rather drink on the corner all day then get a job and provide for us. We could f*ck and s*ck all day long because any negative results could be blamed on black men. We have always had the perfect scapegoat. White women, on the other hand, have always had to cleverly balance their criticisms of white male sexism and misogyny with the knowledge that they still need those men. White women could never and have never thrown white men under the bus completely. Unless the woman is a lesbian (Rosie O'donnell type) she is not going to do that.

But once we started getting reports on lack of marriage, abortions and HIV among heterosexual black women the conversation started to change. Suddenly what a good number of black men had been saying for quite some time was being played out in various statistics: Black women are far more "hypergamous" than other women. It is this wanton hypergamy that has led to a minority of black men completely controlling the dating/mating market in the black community. Before feminism, women were not allowed to express their hypergamy because it was looked at shamefully. If a man was a decent man and he showed through his actions that he would make a good husband and father, a woman was encouraged to "jump on it". Men understood that in order to have access to frequent sex they were going to have to marry. These two ideals made marriage necessary and made both men and women commit to the institution. Hypergamy was not acceptable since most women were willing to accept "average" men as being worthy of their affection. Hypergamy leads to promiscuity because the more women that are in competition for a shrinking pool of males, the more the women will need to put out. Lots and lots of black women are having lots and lots of sex with different men in an effort to "lock one down". But she is being undercut by her fellow sisters who also want the same man. So she must add another possible man to her rotation who also has a series of women on his speed dial. Lather, rinse, repeat. Keep in mind the men range in socioeconomic status. "Keyshia" may exercise hypergamy amongst the ex-cons, dope boys and block huggers while "Pamela" may exercise hypergamy amongst the various educated, resourceful men in her social circle. "Tonya" may exercise hypergamy among the baller-type men who are in HER circle. Either way, there are only a handful of circles that black men

can be in to have access to commitment-free sex. And most men are locked out for various reasons.

The created "male shortage", which really means a shortage of men that black women want to have sex with, has led to women "having" to share men and "being left" with babies while select men move from woman to woman. Black women's behavior in SELECTING mates directly affects our sexual behavior. If you cast a wide net for men, as the woman you can carefully work your way through your choices since a good number of those men will simply be flattered that you're even interested. You will not need to sleep with a lot of men and play "Russian Roulette" with your vagina. Some men may have a ton of women waiting in line, and you will know this fairly quickly, so you can choose to let him move along or you can decide to get in the back of the line and wait. Most men are not "Mack Daddies". Most men do not have a steady rotation of women they can just screw whenever they want. Most men have to put concentrated effort into getting sex. ANY SEX. Some may lie and pretend like all they have to do is look at a girl but we all know that is not true. Most men put in "work" and women need to understand when you are being "worked for sex" versus a genuine interest in a relationship. Many black women take being "worked for sex" as genuine interest because they desperately want a certain type of man. Behavior they would deem unacceptable from an undesirable man would be the "keys to the coochie" for the type of man they want. Many black women will flat out admit that certain men do not turn them on sexually and therefore they are not going to give those man a chance. But if a man says that he is not attracted to a woman, FOR WHATEVER REASON, he is shallow, insecure, borderline gay, etc.

I don't agree with the mantra that "all black women want thugs" but I do think that black women have a very narrow view of what a dominant man is. Even the most educated of black women have this view. If a man does not appear to be able to be "alpha-dominant" he is going to have a hard time getting attention from black women. Black men that fall outside that acceptable "alpha" paradigm often find themselves questioning whether it is them or the women they are surrounded by. Especially if said man can see that "other" men can have a varying range of personalities, quirks, etc. and still have women treat them with respect. This is why the BWE bloggers say black women need to be reprogrammed. On this point they are spot on. In order for black women to even consider nonblack men as mates, most of them would have to completely change their thought patterns on masculinity. The same thought patterns that have kept an ever increasing number of black men searching for their own "something new".

Black American Female Victim Ideology - Part 1

2010-12-30T14:31:00.000-08:00

Let's face it, the Black Women Empowerment movement is nothing without the black American female victim ideology. If African American women are not victims of black male oppression and hatred, then we really have nothing to discuss. After years of blaming white people for the social, political and financial failings of African Americans post civil rights, black women are now trying to distance themselves from the black community by turning on the community and the only other members in it (the men). Without black men, there would be no excuse for the 70% out-of-wedlock birthrate, the low birthrate among married black women, the high STD rate, the $5 net-worth, and so on. In order for all these things to be explained, there must be some culprit(s) that has enslaved the black American woman mentally, physically, sexually and socially. Otherwise she's just a lazy, shiftless, promiscous, moralless, irresponsible woman, right?

For part 1 of this post I am going to discuss a few of the main tenets of BAFVI and show how these often baseless claims are what drives most black women's entitlement, selfishness and narcissism.

Tenet 1: "Black women have been the backbone of the community. We are the ones who do all of the "work" to keep the community afloat."

Ok, let's see. Having babies to keep the numbers of born African Americans above 6% (which is where we'd be if we had an OOW birthrate closer to whites) is not "work". The only absolute proof of the "work" black women have done is the birthrate of fully black children. Every other stat or number actually shows that black women are not only doing less "work" than women of other races, they are doing far less "work" than their grandmothers and great-grandmothers. Black kids are fatter, dumber and more socially volatile than EVER. Each of these areas is controlled by the MOTHER. Women feed, educate and nurture.

What other work could they possibly be talking about? Let's move on to tenet 2.

Tenet 2: "Black women are the main financial and social resource in the black community."

Let's look at the institutions within the black community to get a clearer picture:

The black church - most African American churches have predominate or sole black memberships. The majority of the members of black churches are older black men and women. Most black churches provide community programs that directly benefit black women and their children. Day camps, schools, housing, food programs, toy drives, etc. These resources that the churches provide are funded primarily BY black women FOR other black women. Women by nature are social creatures. We also like to help people and try and provide safe, nurturing places for young people. The fact that black women are being chastised for doing this just goes to show how far away from normal, basic FEMININE BEHAVIOR black women have gotten. Now all the church ladies are being called mammies because they are trying to help Tamika's kids. In most functioning communities women are the ones that do that kind of work. We are the ones that volunteer, take in wayward kids, raise money for schools, etc. Perhaps some of these older black women feel guilty about how they lived their life and are using their work in the church to redeem themselves. Some of these women were "out there" back in the day. Just because a woman is old and sitting in a church pew doesn't mean she has spent her whole life on the up and up. There are a lot of women using the church to "wash their dirty drawls" and start over. But the pastor is supposed to help you find a man? The church is supposed to be where you can go and "clean up" and find a good, god-fearing man after you done let half of Harlem run up in you? Oh, ok. You're mad the pastor and male members are pimping you because they can sense a "ho in disguise"? Oh, ok.

Historically Black Colleges and Universities - I tried to google the giving patterns of HBCU alum but couldn't really find anything substantial. Statiscally, giving at HBCU's is lower than at white colleges and universities. This could be because HBCUs have lower graduation rates (with the exception of the "elite" HBCU's), smaller fundraising staff with limited resources and/or blacks aren't earning as much as whites post-graduation. Either way, blacks are not giving as much to the schools that helped them succeed and that is a tragedy. Black students need alum to give back. Anyway, most HBCU's receive some state funding but also receive a ton of money for their atheltic programs via ticket sales, corporate sponsorships and broadcast fees. Who is more likely to participate in athletics as a player in college? Black men's athelticism is a huge benefit to HBCU's as well as white colleges. While black women often dismiss black athletes it is those athletes that have helped many colleges and universities earn money. So now you can run around bragging about your little English degree thanks in part to Tyrone's jump shot.

Black businesses - The most durable black business is the black barber shop. We have already seen how black women are abadoning their black hairdresses to get "Dominican blowouts" and other styles. We have seen black women abandon their black hairdressers who for years were helping us grow our hair in healthy way for a quick fix (a pack of fake hair and some glue). I have yet to read an article on black men going to Latino men to get their haircuts. Most black men have and will always have black barbers. Other businesses like bookstores and clothing stores are supported mainly by women but that is how it is in ALL communities. Women shop! The majority of customers at bookstores and apparel stores are women. Again, black women want a cookie for things that other women don't even think twice about. When was the last time a white woman said "Barnes & Noble owes everything to us, we demand reciprocity!!" SMH.

The entitled nature of modern black women is part of the reason why many remain unmarried. It's very ironic that black women are shouting from the rooftops that there are no black men around who are willing to protect and provide for a black woman yet these same women have no problem micromanaging the behavior of the black male collective. This is just ass backwards. You want men to "step up" yet it has to be on your female terms? What man in his right mind wants to have to go through an "approval panel" before he picks his wife?

Black women feel that if they can create the illusion that a black man's resources came from them (and continue to come from them), then outsiders will think black men are ungrateful and have "abandoned" the women that made them who they are. Nevermind all the "ain't shit" black men out there who were also created by black women. They want to ignore those and only focus on the ones who are successful and have something to offer. See how they pick and choose which men are the result of their matriarchy? Successful black men are the result of legions of dark-skinned, wide-nosed black women toiling hard day and night for them while Pookie and Ray Ray are the result of an absent father.

There is no way modern black women can keep claiming they "love the brothers" when that "love" is so obviously conditional AND you are willing to scapegoat black men to form a racial alliance with white men. An alliance that is designed to decrease well-heeled black men's desirability thus making them more accessible to average black women.

In Part 2 I will discuss the following tenets:

"Black women are outpacing black men in all areas of life"

"Black men crave white flesh"

"Black men use black women for sex"

When "Anything but a BM" Fails

2009-08-31T11:45:00.000-07:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I was on vacation in Hawaii for 5 days and just returned on Saturday. I spent a lot of time lounging and reading and people watching. Vacation spots are the best place to people watch because most folks are middle class and up and appear to be "normal" on the surface. Anyway, I noticed the couples vacationing and most were same-raced. There were a few interracial couples, mostly white men with asian women but there were also BM/WW and BW/WM. Ironically, the number of BW with WM was greater than BM with WW. The clucking hens would have been proud.

When I got home someone had emailed me this clip from the Today show featuring comedianne Sunda Croonquist:

Comedian Sunda Croonquist has been getting big laughs making ethnic-stereotype jokes about her husband’s family — but it’s no laughing matter for them. In fact, Croonquist’s Brooklyn-based mother-in-law has a zinger of her own for the former beauty-pageant queen from New Jersey: a defamation lawsuit.

This bi-racial woman married a jewish man and is now being sued by his mother for jokes she made at her expense.

Furious at being perpetual punch lines, Croonquist’s in-laws are seeking unspecified damages and demanding that the court force the comedian to remove offensive statements from her comedy act, Web site and recordings. They filed the suit after seeing material on Croonquist’s Web site, which they claim makes it easy to identify them as the butt of her jokes.
The comedian said her routine is a natural extension of her multiracial background, and that she bases many of her jokes on the natural culture-clash moments that occur within families of mixed backgrounds. “It’s my reality,” she told Roker.
On a more serious note, Croonquist said that despite her obvious commitment to Judaism, she has suffered through painful incidences of exclusion from her husband’s family. “It’s not been easy,” she told Roker. “I’ve been asked to step out of family photos. I guess I’m just not right for the bar mitzvah picture.”

The comedian said that she has been the brunt of her in-laws’ jokes as well. “They made jokes at my expense. Not on stage, but in temple.”

Now, I am not going to bash Sunda for her decision to marry interracially. I don't really care. But this story is a prime example of women thinking that because a man has "status" and can "provide a good life" he is a good catch. This man allowed obvious tensions between his family and his wife to go unchecked for 15 years! He ALLOWED his mother and family to make all kinds of slick remarks and jokes about his wife and didn't set an ultimatum. He was weak and spineless. He made bi-racial children with this woman yet did not defend her from attacks and forced her to use "humor" to deal with their racism. What advice would he have given his children on how to handle racists? Just shrug it off? Joke about it?

He claimed he was "surprised" by the lawsuit but bore witness to his family's treatment of his wife for years. My question is, how did it get to this point? How did the husband and wife become some delusional that they didn't see this coming?

I think it is also telling that Sunda is still just "laughing it off" and making jokes. I am sure the bloggers will say that this is just one case of Sunda not "vetting" a man carefully. So why isn't it just "one case" when a BM is violent towards a BW or just "one case" when a BW is in a low quality marriage to a BM?

The point is that men of ALL races will let you be the "man" in the relationship if he is so inclined. Any man will let you take the brunt of any situation if he sees that you are willing to self-sacrifice. Sunda's husband knew she would rather internalize the pain of having her in-laws not like her because she is black/bi-racial than kick him to the curb. Women with strong relationship skills, regardless of race, would have been OUT OF THAT MARRIAGE if the man wasn't able to protect her. Women with poor relationship skills, the majority of women, end up like Sunda to some degree.

Looking stupid on national television.

Support Those Who Support You, Right?

2009-08-03T11:12:00.001-07:00

If black women are being "taught" to only support those who support us, how does that play into IR dating from both sides. Certainly black men can take the same argument to justify why many date outside the race, right? Folks need to be careful when talking about who supports whom.

From the Boycott Black Men website:

Are you sick of our black men that leave our race and marry outside our race profiting off the black community while they in turn, turn their backs on us?

This is actually an issue I have been meaning to discuss for some time. The red herring that black men who date outside their race still "use" black women for support. The idea being that black men reject black women but still "need them" to purchase products and services, give of their time, etc. The prevailing sentiment among some bloggers is that if black women were to stop doing this, black men would see how much they need black women and "come home".

Black Gender Separatist Tenet #1: Black women are so used and abused by black men that black men don't seem to see that without us, they would literally die in the streets. Furthermore, black women are much more equipped to craft the kind of community THEY want and we can do this without black men.

Let's examine this idea. Notice this person on BBM mentions black men who "profit" off the black community. This would mean any black man tied to an industry that primarily makes its money off blacks. I am trying to figure out what industry in America is supported mainly from black dollars. Outside of the hair care industry and check cashing/pay day loan establishments blacks cannot collectively keep any one industry afloat. A football player is not making his money off the black community since most blacks do not pay to go to professional football games. Blacks may purchase NFL apparel but they do not do it in numbers that would cause it to "collapse" if they took it away. Keep in mind that many black epople by bootleg sports apparel. I once went to a Baltimore Orioles game in college and the number of blacks in the stands compared to the number of blacks on the field was incredible. Black folks do not spend money on sports the way white people (and even Latinos) do. So a black football player who marries a white woman is in fact "taking care" of a woman from the community who supports his livelihood. In essence, it is the white community who is funding his ability to take care of "Becky", not the black community and certainly not black women. So, what about men who are not in professional sports?

OK, let's take a corporate black man who works for a company like Northop Gruman. This black man is an engineer with an advanced degree. He attended prestigious colleges and universities on scholarships. He is, on the surface, a perfect "equal opportunity" candidate. Perhaps he represents the company's "diversity' initiatives and gives speeches to black kids about his job. Now if it was revealed that this man had a nonblack wife, how exactly did black women support him in his efforts? Outside of this man's black mother and black female relatives, he probably has been "supported" by far more whites than blacks. Mainly because blacks are not in the position to hire, mentor, develop or train talent in many industries. So the 5 or 10 black women in his life who may have helped him achieve success does not discredit the 10-20 whites who were also involved. Where should this man's "loyalties" lie? With the women who reared him (which was their responsibility)? Or should he be "allowed" to make his own choices about who he wants to spend his life with?

The music industry is the same way. I remember when Herbie Hancock won his Grammy a lot of black women were furious to find out that he had a white wife, as if they all had 5 copies of his CD in their collection and had spent years following him around the world on tour! I asked one BW why she was so mad and she said that he had "made a career off being black". I asked her what she meant by that and she said that he was a black man who profited off blackness. Again, I asked her what she meant by "profited off his blackness" and she refused to answer. She kept tossing out generic phrases like "he wants to be black when it suits him." I then asked her when was he not black and she said when he chose a white woman. I also asked her how many Herbie Hancock CD's she owned and she said none.

Many BW do not support the BM they despise for dating outside of their race. Let's look at sum very famous black men married to nonblack women and see just how black women "support" these men:

Kobe Bryant:

Like I said before, black women DO NOT purchase tickets to professional sporting events in large numbers. The only "support" I see possible is purchasing gear for their children or male relatives. The majority of Kobe's money is made from endorsements of products not at all geared towards black women (sneakers, Gatorade, etc.)

Seal:

Seal's biggest hit song was "Kiss from a Rose" from one of the Batman films. He also has had a string of successful pop songs and is well-known internationally. His marriage to Heidi Klum has been more talked about than his music but he is still a very popular artist. Seal performs all over the world which is primarily how he makes his money. How many African-American women have paid money for a CD or concert ticket? How have they supported him to the point where he would feel "obligated" to marry a black woman?

Taye Diggs:

Taye Diggs has never once been in a blockbuster film and has had numerous failed television shows. Much of his success came from starring in a few black movies in the late 90's early 2000's alongside other black female actresses. So couldn't we say that the black women he starred in films with (Angela Bassett, Sanaa Lathan, Nia Long) were a HUGE draw for black women, perhaps even more than Taye himself. Because the films in which he starred without black women (Go, House on Haunted Hill, Rent) didn't do nearly as well. So black women were supporting him in projects that also SUPPORTED THEM (black love stories) but not in anything that did not directly PROMOTE THEM. So what does he owe black women again?

There are just a few examples but you catch my drift. If black women never went to another Laker game or purchased a Seal concert ticket or watched a Taye Diggs film, their careers would still thrive or not. Threatening and shaming men is not the answer and it never has been. Industries suppressed solely on the backs of black women tend to have nothing to do with black men. Black women do not make up the majority of any serious industry outside of haircare. And last I checked, there weren't many heterosexual black men in that field.

Let's try to have honest dialogue about black male/female relationships and what is lacking on both sides. Shaming and guilting hasn't worked in thirty years and it never will.

We need to BREED them out

2009-07-28T16:23:00.000-07:00

Singing about oral sex with children on stage.

This can't be real.

OH NO THEY DIDNT!!!

2009-07-27T12:47:00.000-07:00

Racist, realistic or just a commercial? Do yourself a favor and SKIP the comment section at World Star Hip Hop - it'll make you nauseous.

However, black women need to really take a moment and think about why this commercial was written. pitched, accepted, filmed and aired. There were NUMEROUS whites who signed off on this before we ever saw it. Not black men, WHITE men and women.

Personally, I know quite a few black women like the ones in this ad - with degrees.

Just sayin'.

Don't Tase Me Bro-gate '09!

2009-07-24T10:06:00.000-07:00

LOL, white folks waste no time exploiting.

I have been commenting on a few blogs about Gates, so I am not going to rehash it here. Basically, this fool (YEAH I SAID IT) thought he could "knuck" at a cop because he is special and knows the President. Too bad officer Crowley doesn't watch "African American Lives" or "Black in America" so he didn't know who his ass was.

Let this be a lesson to all those who feel like proclaiming black solidarity when they feel like it but espouse "racial inclusion" and "love thy neighbor" when it suits them (mainly when they want to date/mate outside the race): yelling at a white cop after he asks you for ID does not make you "gully". You will not get a picture next to MLK on my Grandmother's wall. You will not get an elementary school named after you or a chance to hold the Heisman trophy.

All you will get is some air time on cable news and a mugshot that will live on forever.

According to some BW: White Men & Black Men aren't equal

2009-07-23T09:42:00.000-07:00

Why is it that every other group of men in the world are allowed to state their preferences and black men aren't?

For example, my husband has a number of white male colleagues at work. Many of these guys are in their late 20's, early 30's and are either married or looking to settle down. They talk about the process of selecting women like picking out a car or a home: they have very specific requirements, some they are willing to pass on and some they absolutely MUST have. This includes everything from looks to education to personality.

So why is it that black women want to take this power away from BLACK men but accept the fact that WHITE men can be choosy.

Let me give some examples:

White man: I do not date overweight women. I feel that women tend to gain weight after childbearing so I rater date someone who is already in shape or is midnful of the need to exercise.

Black women: Mmmmm hmm, that makes a lot of sense. I need to go 'head and get my workout routine going. It is important to be healthy.

Black man: I do not want to wife a chick who is big. I want a chick with a little waist and a big booty.

Black women: YOU ARE A MISOGYNIST and a BLACK FEMALE RACIST.
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White man: I like a woman who is confident and sexy.

Black woman: *nods*

Black man: I want a chick who is confident and sexy.

Black woman: YOU ARE A MISOGYNIST.
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White man: I need a woman who has some basic domestic skills. It is important to know how to keep a house clean. I will not get serious about a woman who keeps a dirty home.

Black woman: Mmm hmm, it is so sad that women have lost the desire to take care of their home.

Black man: I need a chick who can burn in the kitchen!

Black woman: YOU WANT A SLAVE AND A MAID.
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White man: I don't really care how educated a woman is. I am not looking for someone to take care of me. I just want someone who will raise my kids to love learning and be smart.

Black woman: I know, so many brothers just want to use women with education.

Black man: All them degrees you keep talking about is not what is going to attract me to you.

Black woman: YOU ARE TRYING TO KEEP BLACK WOMEN DOWN. You are JEALOUS that we are outpacing you in education. You don't want us to be better. YOU HATE US.
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White man: I do not date women I am not attracted to.

Black women: That is fair. No one should be with someone they are not attracted to.

Black man: I do not date women I am not attracted to.

Black woman: YOU ARE A BLACK RACIST. You should embrace all black women and consider all of them worthy of marriage.
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White man: I would never date a feminazi. Those chicks scare me.

Black woman: OMG I know!

Black man: I will not date some overbearing, harsh, emasculating ball-buster.

Black woman: YOU HATE BLACK WOMEN!!
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White man: Some black women are just unattractive and masculine.

Black woman: I know! I keep telling those women to just be more feminine. I can see why men don't want to date them.

Black man: Some black women are just unattractive and masculine

Black woman: YOU HATE BLACK WOMEN
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Please feel free to add your own!

Can you protect without "protection"?

2009-07-21T10:22:00.000-07:00

Have Black Men Lead the Community As Best They Could?

I was over at Black Conscious Thought when I came across an interesting comment on a post about the gender war in the black community:

The black man stood up to the white man, but what great effect could he accomplish without SUPERIOR ARMS? That's right. I'm talking about weapons. The american indians fought wars against the white man's rifle, using bow and arrows, and what became of them? They got pushed to the brink of oblivion. All of america belonged to them and they couldn't hold their turf. The black race in an alien world, and even without access to arms, has grown stronger than the indigenous people. If after all of this the black woman can say the black man is not a man, then what should the american indian woman say about her race of men?

I am not part of the American Indian community so I have no clue what Native American women think of their men. I do know that the Native community faces the same joblessness, substance abuse problems, poor education attainment, etc. as the black community. I do know that the Native community has decided to stick together despite all of their issues.

So if we are being honest and objective, would it be fair to say that despite the CURRENT state of the black community, African-Americans have done tremendously well post-slavery without any real source of power to fight racism and oppression? Despite our lack of firepower, African-Americans survived the brutality of the slave trade, Jim Crow, separate and unequal, "the war on drugs", etc. Toss in other issues such as liberal white feminist government policies, media-induced self-hatred and an education system which teaches minority students racial inferiority and it's easy to see why we have reached a precipice.

All of this "surviving" without an ability to "fight fire with fire" is an interesting idea to ponder. If Africans had access to weapons both on the continent and here in America, would we even be discussing the "issues" within the black community. If black men were able to match the weaponry of white men who bought and sold their women and children, would we even be debating whether black men can be "providers and protectors"?

Why So Serious?

2009-07-20T16:39:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a friend over the weekend about her dating woes. She's 35, single, no kids, professional job, master's degree, etc etc. She and I talk a lot about BM/BW relationships (or lack thereof) and her frustrations with the dating scene in LA. Now, I love this girl as a true friend. She often asks me for my opinion and I usually give it to her straight, no chaser. So what I am writing is in no way "outing" her or anything like that.

My friend is overweight (by at least 20 lbs), dresses very matronly and is not at all approachable. She has a definite "black girl attitude" at times. She has gotten into arguments with some of her neighbors and has had issues with co-workers. She used to live in a predominantly Latino neighborhood and she would repeatedly make disparaging comments about Latinos and their habits. In her line of work she has to work with mostly whites, many of whom are gay. She often has something negative to say about the gay community, especially white gay males.

In my opinion my friend is what I would consider a "typical" black woman. Not because of her age, weight or single status, but because of her blatant prejudices and rigid set of requirements for practically everyone she comes in contact with. She has repeatedly stated thst she has "given up" on black men because they pay her no attention ("Can a brother just at least say HELLO??") and chase after white/asian/latino women. Now, I must say that the "swirl" is incredibly high here in Los Angeles. Not just BM/WW but WM with damn near everybody including some BW.

Anyway, when she and I talk I always bring up her negative attitude and how it probably affects her dating life. She of course will say that she is not always like that and she doesn't have attitude in relationships. She has gone out on only a handful of dates in the past few years, all with black men. One of the black men she dated was an aspiring artist who seemed nice enough but he said he didn't really have time for a serious relationship because of his career. LOL. I promptly handed her a copy of He's Just Not That Into You.

Another guy she dated was actually a friend of one of her college buddies. Now, let me lay out this dude's resume: Yale undergrad, UCLA grad, studied abroad, working on his own graphic design/communications firm, recruited to move to LA for film work, smart, interesting, likes going to concerts, etc. This dude would be a MAJOR score for ANY woman. The problem in her eyes? He is "weird" and "too nerdy" and just not R-I-G-H-T.

Yeah, I know.

Now, he isn't tall, dark and handsome but he was SUPER nice. Very firm handshake which is always a sign of confidence. But of course, she treated him like he was an annoying kid brother buzzing around. I was surprised he was still single but he was only 31 and said because he moved around a lot for work he didn't really have a chance to invest in a relationship. Fair enough. But it seemed like he was interested in finding one and with MY FRIEND. SMH.

My point in telling you all this is that my friend has a long list of men she would drop 20 lbs for and most of those men are in interracial relationships or it is unknown who they are dating. Many of the men she finds interesting are the educated, suit-wearing men who wear jeans and Timberlands on the weekends. No matter how much I try to tell her that that man does NOT exist or if he does he is already married to Beyonce, she still seems to think that he is out there and would be willing to date HER.

With all of her baggage, she still feels entitled to HER ideal man. My question is: Why do BW feel that if a man does not have ALL the characteristics she is looking for, he should be passed over?

Now, I am not talking about dating a man with a felony conviction and three baby mama's when you really want a lawyer who was a Rhodes scholar! Clearly you would be lowering your standards and possibly putting your life in danger. But if a man is a professional but maybe he is really into comic books and likes to eat cereal for dinner on occasion - why pass him up? Why not date him and enjoy letting loose and eating cereal for dinner every once and a while too?

Why the need for such rigid and strict requirements when it comes to love, the one thing that should be malleable and open to change? (men you can comment too!)

Live it. Learn it. Love it,

2009-07-16T16:59:00.000-07:00

Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage - Theatrical Trailer from Tyler New Media on Vimeo.

I have decided to elevate this blog and leave the sellouts, clucking hens and miserable beings alone. Their hatred of themselves and black men doesn't hurt me in anyway nor should it hurt you. Let's let them be. Let them drown and flounder in their own pool of craziness. Let them continue to lead desperate women down a path of loneliness and isolation.

I plan to focus more on promoting healthy and positive relationships between black men and black women. Why devote time and energy to embarrassing women who clearly are not embarrassed? My mama taught me that my time is very valuable and so is yours.

We can really learn something from the "Something Old is New" movement and its dismantling. We can learn what NOT to do and how NOT to do it. We can learn that a community that is broken needs ALL HANDS ON DECK to fix and for those who want to "divest" and never look back, we bid you adieu. If you hang around "the negrosphere" a lot you can see that even online, black people don't really agree on how to "save" the collective. Many of the BW empowerment bloggers are facing internal strife. They will not be able to hold it together much longer. They all want to be the alpha female and be the "voice". The in-fighting has become public. Alliances that once seemed strong seem very weak now. Folks are PUBLICLY putting people on blast. The "professional" women are clasing with the baby mama's. The baby mama's don't like to be disrespected. They work hard to raise children alone and they want support. But the "professional" women think supporting them means they are advocating Keyshia get pregnant at 13. SMH.

For those of us who realize that much of the problems in the black community come down to perceptions, half truths and biased coverage we have a lot of work to do. This doesn't mean sacrificing one's own happiness or being a mule - it simply means being PRESENT and being an EXAMPLE. Remaining POSITIVE and maintaining an image of decency and self-respect despite what others (even those who look like us) think we should do.

I want you guys to check out a new documentary from the wonderful folks over at Black and Married with Kids. Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage.

I have a lot of material coming up. My husband is going to be out of town for work for like six days next so I will be bored with nothing to do but be on the internet, LOL.

Darkies in Love - No One Cares: NBA Edition

2009-07-14T12:30:00.000-07:00

Chauncey Billups has won an NBA title, been finals MVP and has played for six different NBA teams. He has been married to his wife, Piper, since 2001. The couple have three daughters ages 11, 8 and 2. The two started dating back in high school where Chauncey was the star basketball player and Piper was a cheerleader.

Many black women will mention the "discrimination" black male athletes practice in the dating world. According to them most NBA/NFL players date either black women with light skin and long hair or non black women. According to them, "average-looking" black women don't stand a chance with these men. The truth is, the majority of black NBA players are married to regular looking black women. So why is it that most people (black and white) believe that professional athletes tend to only marry non black women?

On average, the media highlights and shows the black player's wife who is not African-American five times more than showing the African-American wife. This biased or selective coverage gives people the false impression that most black male athletes desire non black women or only consider those women suitable for marriage. A clear example of how the media distorts perceptions were illustrated during the 2000 NBA playoffs. When Shaquille O'Neal announced his engagement to Shaunie, the media did not cover the engagement, however when Kobe Bryant announced his engagement to a non-African-American, the media was abuzz with the story. Interracial relationships, particularly those involving black men and non black women, fascinate many - especially white men.

Detroit Pistons players Rasheed Wallace and Ben Wallace have black wives that the media rarely pans the camera on, they prefer to do features on these stars' mothers for some reason. Ben Wallace's wife decides if he will wear his hair in braids or an Afro before each game. She is such a huge, positive force in his life yet the media treats her like she is invisible. Ben Wallace follows in the tradition of Charles Oakley and graduated from Historically Black, Virginia Union University.

Another reason for the myth of black male athletes dating white women is due to the increasing number of biracial athletes and our exposure to their wife selection. Many in the black community identify with the bi-racial athletes (Shane Battier, Jason Kidd) because we realize white people don't accept them as white and since one of their parents is black we figure, "they're with us".

However bi-racial athletes almost never marry black women.

Basically, the number of professional athletes married to non-black women is roughly the same as regular black men married to non-black women.

It is our society's (male and female, black and white) rampant obsession with miscegenation and the products of those unions that fuel the media coverage.

Preying on insecurities for me, but not for thee!!

2009-07-13T20:05:00.001-07:00

Supposing I wanted to make money of the insecurities of many African-American women in regards to dating and relationships. How would I go about trying to profit from their desperation, loneliness, frustration and bitterness? How would I sell myself as some "expert" or "teacher" without actually being an expert or teacher?

Well, I'd probably start out by surveying the current "market" I am attempting to poach. I'd collect all types of statistics that will bolster my arguments and opinions and frame the "revelation" as something that no one has said or heard before. I will display myself as a martyr, a lone beacon of light in an otherwise dark and cold world, a revolutionary - a Sojourner Truth type. In order to distinguish myself from the legions of others giving advice to black women, I will promote something "radical" and different and NEW.

I will basically do the same things that others have done for decades but promote myself as being better than them because I will "put black women and their desires first":

But before I do that, I just need y'all to pay $12.99 for my electronic book. It's really for your own good - I am not trying to make money off the fact that you're desperate and over 35 with a child out of wedlock.

Please ignore the fact that my graphics looks like something from 1995 and I use a plethora of mismatching fonts and my product looks like a "Fuck Effort" production. All the information you need is right here in this book of essays that I lifted from the blog you have already read. I disabled comments so that all the comments in the book will seem like "fresh and new" material. I will bait you with the belief that there is even more that I haven't "taught" you. Clearly you don't know how to find a man or keep him interested in you to the point where he'd want to spend the rest of his life with you. If you did, you wouldn't be on my site looking for validation for your singlehood. So, sista girl, just drop $16.97 on the electronic version of my essays. It's for your own good. I am not trying to make money off you, I am LIVING WELL. I don't need to exploit black women. I just need to be compensated for giving you useless advice.

But please remember this:

This man is preying on your insecurities and trying to manipulate you into being slaves to black men. He is giving you sexist advice and does not have your best interests at heart. He is just trying to hustle you. I mean, he has been divorced TWICE! I have only been divorced ONCE! Don't trust him girl. He just wants you to be lonely and desparate so he can seduce you and bed you and get you pregnant and leave you.

And don't fall for any of that "black love" nonsense. It does NOT EXIST. You are better off living in reality. Don't even get your hopes up about dating a black man because they dont want you. Teach your daughters that they don't want them either. Send them off to preschool with a picture of Haley Joel Osment in their pocket and a prayer. Let them know early that they have a better chance getting a little white boy to feel them up on the playground than a little black one.

So in closing, I just want to reiterate that I am not trying to sell you anything. I care about YOU. I want YOU to be happy and to be better. I just also think you need to pay a little something extra to get the REAL DEAL.

Thanks!

"Fast Ass Little Whore"

2009-07-13T13:40:00.000-07:00

"A typical street whore." "A bunch of ghetto thugs." "Ghetto street trash." "Wonder when she will get her first abortion."

These are a small selection of some of the racially-charged comments posted to the conservative 'Free Republic' blog Thursday, aimed at U.S. President Barack Obama's 11-year-old daughter Malia after she was photographed wearing a t-shirt with a peace sign on the front.

The thread was accompanied by a photo of Michelle Obama speaking to Malia that featured the caption, "To entertain her daughter, Michelle Obama loves to make monkey sounds."

[Vancouver Sun]

Question: Who do YOU think is mostly responsible for the "little black girls are whores" mantra the Clucking Hens readily complain about? Who do YOU think perpetuates the belief that black women (of any age) are sexually promiscuous and irresponsible? Who do YOU think purposefully ignores the plight of young black women in urban areas because their lives are not valued and they are deemed "trash" from the moment they are conceived?

Answer: The same group of men who allegedly are more likely to protect black women and girls according to the Clucking Hens and their desperate followers.

Unless of course you believe that white men learn all this from black men and are just taking their "cues" from misogynistic hip-hop music and DBRs.

Wait a minute...

2009-07-10T09:50:00.000-07:00

I thought Evia claimed she was not dark-skinned and had experienced "favoritism" from "DBR" black men due to her complexion. Hmmm....

Take a look at her picture on the back of her "book". She certainly looks like a dark-skinned woman to me. She boasts about "uplifting" dark-skinned women since they are teared down by "DBR" black men and their self-esteem is obliterated at an early age. She made numerous claims that she knows most black men prefer non dark-skinned women because she herself was not dark-skinned and black men told her how much they liked her because of that.

How are you uplifting dark-skinned women when you deny that you actually are one?

This woman is a pure and utter lunatic. Black women, please, don't fall for the rantings of a mentally unstable LIAR and manipulator.

Mama, I wanna sang!

2009-07-07T13:58:00.000-07:00

The "surprise" impromptu performance by the minor children of rappers Lil Wayne and T.I. at the 2009 BET awards has caused an uproar all over the internet. Many viewers were disgusted by the tween girls (part of an all girl singing group) shaking their "thangs" on stage to a song called "Every Girl" in which one of the lines is "I wish I could f*ck every girl in the world!"

Now, I am not going to reiterate what a bastion of crap BET has become. There have been too many articles and blogs incessantly ranting about the poor quality of shows on the network. And personally, I do not watch a lot of television and I think that black people as a whole watch TOO much TV. We can focus on the "quality" of programming when we get down to watching a reasonable number of hours per week - not twice the rate of whites. Perhaps folks wouldn't be so offended by BET if it wasn't on all the damn time. But I digress...

Most of the "shade" thrown around after the debacle was aimed at BET and its President Debra Lee, Lil' Wayne and rapper Drake. I found that odd considering...

The mothers and primary caregivers of two of those children were at the event as well.

Many BW empowerment bloggers claim that BM are pretty much worthless in the community because they do not protect black women and children from harm. In their eyes, the violence and despair that many black women and children encounter in "all black constructs"could be avoided if black men "stepped up" and handled their business. Let's take this idea and apply it to something like what happened at the BET awards...

The biological father of one of the girls is currently in prison. The other child's biological father is part of the performance. The mothers of the children are in the audience and have been part of the show. They have not protested their children going on stage. Let's say that a concerned black man was in the audience or back stage and was disgusted at seeing the underage girls dancing to a vulgar song on national television. Let's take it further and say that he felt compelled to run on stage and snatch the girls off to protect them from embarrassment and humiliation.

Now, knowing the "type" of people Lil Wayne, Tiny, Toya and T.I. are how do you think this brave man's actions would have been received? What do YOU think Lil Wayne would have done if someone tried to protect his child from harm?

My point is, women and children that are victimized tend to be victimized by those closest to them, not strangers. A man is going to protect those he knows he can protect with the least amount of resistance from others. It is not worth it for ANY man to potentially lose his life or freedom to protect those that are not "his own". It is unfortunate that many black women are entangled with men (boyfriends, relatives, friends) who will not protect them but many of these women have put these men IN THEIR LIVES. And their children are suffering because of their choices, NOT the choices of other black men.

It is unfair to saddle a group of good men with the responsibility of protecting ALL women and children from the bad men. Bad men don't protect anyone but themselves so they are not even part of the equation. What the empowerment bloggers would ideally like to see is a bunch of good black men sweeping in and wiping out all the DBRs. White men are NOT expected to do this. They are only expected to protect THEIR wives and children and the few people they CHOOSE to protect that are outside of their circle.

In an ideal world all the successful, educated, caring black men would take up arms and run into the ghettos knocking down all the thugs and child rapists and drug dealers and carry out black women and their children and take them to a safe place. LOL. This is not the movies, this is REAL LIFE. In the REAL WORLD men protect THEIR OWN.

My husband's loyalty is to me FIRST and he is not going to go out on the limb for any other woman - except his mother. All other women he knows rely on the POSSIBILITY of him protecting them. They rely on his KINDNESS and GENEROSITY. But he still is going to think of ME and how his actions could affect ME. This is what sensible black men have been doing for decades. This is why they are not in the hood still. This is why they find their wife and move to a safe place and never look back because now they have to focus on protecting THEIR OWN.

If Lil Wayne cannot protect his own child, his child will suffer because of it. If T.I. is in prison and cannot protect his child, his child will suffer. If Tiny and Toya want to pimp out their daughters, those kids will get pimped. God provides a mother and a father, not a community of concerned men.

Pcitures of False Hope

2009-07-06T12:15:00.000-07:00

One of the "selling points" of the White Knight Savior movement is the photographic "evidence" that white men are interested in dating and marrying all types of black women. The bloggers post pictures of alleged couples so that their readers can think, "Ohh look, she looks like me I can get me a white man!"

Let me start by saying that I am not against interracial dating. I feel like it is a person's INDIVIDUAL choice who they choose to date/marry and in reality the number of people who "date out" is not large enough to pose any significant "harm" to any gender or racial group. So my criticism of these bloggers has nothing to do with any ill feelings toward interrcial dating. My problem is that the pictures are used to create an unrealistic dating environment on two fronts: first being the idea that white men do not practice colorism, weight-ism, hair-ism, etc and the second is that MOST black men do practice colorism and hair-ism. By highlighting what THEY consider to be "average" black women with white men they are essentially feeding their audience false hope while simultanesously demonizing black men because the same "average looking" black women are dating and married to black men as I type this.

The problem with a picture is just that....it's a picture. There is no back story, no proof of a real relationship and even more importantly no real validation of the beauty of black women in white man's eyes (which is the ultimate goal).

Another problem I have with pictures is that you can never really get a complete "picture" of a relationship. Anyone can pose for a picture and voila! this is the happiest couple on earth (cuz she ain't with a black man!!). This is why I try to highlight actual couples on my site because I don't want to be accused of spreading the "black love" mantra. Most of us sane, rational black people know not only are FUNCTIONAL black relationships a reality, many of us are currently in them or have been in them in the past. I can't speak for the Clucking Hens, though.

Let's take a look at some of the pictures on the sidebar of Interracial Love and Spice. I'm not going to even adress the obvious stock photography Sara uses because it's obvious to any one with a brain that it is STOCK PHOTOGRAPHY. Anyway, here are some "real life couples":

Here is supermodel Alek Wec with what Sara claims is her ""fiance". But in reality:

This is Alex's BOYFRIEND of four years, Riccardo Sala, an Italian real estate developer. They have been together for four years with NO marriage or engagement.

This is The Satanic Verses author Salman Rushdie. Sara said that the woman in the photograph was his longtime love. I'll let Wikipedia fill you in on the details of his romantic life:

Rushdie has been married four times. He was married to his first wife Clarissa Luard from 1976 to 1987 and fathered a son, Zafar. His second wife was the American novelist Marianne Wiggins; they were married in 1988 and divorced in 1993. His third wife, from 1997 to 2004, was Elizabeth West; they have a son, Milan. In 2004, he married the Indian American actress and supermodel Padma Lakshmi, the host of the American reality-television show Top Chef. The marriage ended on 2 July 2007 with Lakshmi indicating that it was her desire to end the marriage. In the Bollywood press, he was, in 2008, romantically linked to the Indian model Riya Sen, with whom he was otherwise a friend.^[7] In response to the media speculation about their friendship, she simply stated "I think when you are Salman Rushdie, you must get bored with people who always want to talk to you about literature.

I found another picture of Salman at a party:

See how easy it is to just post pictures of people "together"? Rushdie has two children "out there" as he is no longer married to the mothers of his sons.

Actress Golden Brooks was featured on the sidebar with her "boyfriend" too bad...

In REALITY she is pregnant by actor D.B. Woodside. The couple is not married and Golden is almost 40 years old.

Is she even "black"? She looks like she could be Filipino or something. This is also the stock photography I was talking about so it doesn't really matter. But what constitutes "black" for these bloggers? Because if she were dating a dark-skinned black man he'd be all kinds of self-hating, ape monkey, mama killer, etc etc etc. Moving on...

In one of the pictures he looks mixed in the other he looks...mixed. Joy Bryant is actually married to the man in the picture and his name is David Pope. The Clucking Hens so depserately wanted him to be all white.

They have been married for over a year. They recently released photos from their wedding to Essence magazine.

Mellody Hobson (Sara didn't even know the woman's name!) has been dating Star Wars king George Lucas for about three years now. Mellody is a financial guru and SERIOUS power player. She is on the board of a number of big corporations and CEO of her own financial firm. She also used to date Chris Albrecht, the former CEO of HBO. She clearly has a "type" of man she dates: high powered and well paid. I am not mad at her for that at all, just stating the obvious. The social circles that Ms. Hobson is in puts her amongst some of the richest and most powerful men in the country. She is not yet married and that has probably been HER CHOICE. But let's say that it wasn't her choice to be single and those wealthy white men (the group of men she sepnds the most time around) have been "passing her over" for younger, whiter women. Why aren't they being strung up by their testicles and beaten for THAT?

Sara also featured chef Wolfgang Puck and his wife, handbag designer Gelila Assefa. I wonder how long this marriage will last considering...

Puck left his second wife, business partner and the mother of two of his sons, Barbara Lazaroff for a fling with Gelila who was answering phones at his restaurant Spago. Gelila gave birth to two of his children out of wedlock before he married her in 2007. He also used his ex-wife's money to help finance the PR affair, I mean, wedding. By the way, Gelila is Ethiopian, not African-American. Wanna read more about l'affaire Assefa? Click here.

Looks like another bed wench waited long enough for marriage and what I am sure is an iron-clad prenup. Way to go, Sara! Encourage your fellow sisters to sleep with married white men so they can "come up".

Darkies in Love - No One Cares: B. Smith & Dan Gasby

2009-07-01T15:48:00.000-07:00

I hate when people call B. smith the "black Martha Stewart" as if Martha invented hostessing, cooking, crafts, design, etc. B. is her own woman and her own brand. A former model who segued into the lifestyle industry, restaurant ownership and building a global brand.

B. was the first black woman to cover Mademoiselle magazine back in 1976 and appeared on over a dozen magazine covers during her modeling career. She is the successful owner of three restaurants, a line of housewares at Bed, Bath & Beyond and the spokeswoman for Colgate-Palmolive and Lawry's.

Dan Gasby began his television career in 1977 at a start up UHF television station, WPTY- TV, in Tennessee. Over a 7-year period, he rose from Account Executive to General Sales Manager of WAWS-TV in Jacksonville, Florida. In 1985, Gasby joined Camelot Advertising Sales, a division of KingWorld Entertainment, as an Account Executive in the National Barter Syndication division, where he sold Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy and the Oprah Winfrey Show, the three most successful shows in the history of TV syndication.

B. and Dan married in 1992 when she was 40 and he was 38. Here is what Dan said about their relationship:

"I'm Barbara's cut man, and she's my cut man," "A cut man is the guy in the corner of the boxing ring who cleans up fighters and sends them back to battle. We'll always be in each other's corner."

The two have collaborated on numerous projects, you can read all about them here.

Dan is currently the chairman of B. Smith Enterprises and helps with the day-to-day operations of the restaurants. He is also a member of the Board of Trustees at American University in Washington, D.C., and is a longtime member of the Board of Governors of the International Radio and Television Society Foundation.

Dan was a successful TV executive with plenty of "access" to non-black women. Yet he still chose an older black woman who had a child (B. has a grown daughter from a previous relationship). I have never seen any articles or features on the Gasbys in black publications. The majority of the press coverage I've seen has been in "mainstream" outlets like the New York Times and Harper's Bazaar.

Deafening Silence: Black Boy Raped, Molested by White "Father"

2009-07-01T12:05:00.000-07:00

A Duke University Official, Frank Lombard, has been accused of offering his 5-year-old adopted son for sex over the internet.

During an internet chat with an undercover task force agent from Washington's Metropolitan Police, Lombard, 42, allegedly offered an African American boy to the agent he was chatting with. He was arrested just a few days later in Durham, North Carolina.

He also told the undercover agent that he was partial to black children because they are easier to adopt.

The sting was organized by authorities after a confidential source facing child pornography charges told the FBI he witnessed a man performing sexual acts on a child and named Lombard, reports CNN.

According to the complaint filed against Lombard, during the chat he told the officer that he performed several sex acts on the boy and that the officer could do the same if he came to Durham.

According to a transcript of the chat, reprinted in the complaint, Lombard allegedly told the officer that he had to conceal the sexual abuse from his partner and by drugging the child with allergy medication.

Lombard was arrested June 24, the 5-year-old and another child were both removed from the home by the North Carolina Department of Social Services, the FBI said.

Lombard faces federal child sex abuse charges, which carry a prison sentence of up to 20 years upon conviction, authorities said. He made an initial appearance in federal court in North Carolina but was transferred to Washington to face the charges there, court documents show.

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A couple of key issues I wanted to point out:

This man was arrested "days" after the initial sting. How many days? Well, we don't know. How much more abuse did these children undergo in the "meantime"?
This man had a "partner" - he was a homosexual.
He admits that black children are easier to adopt which is why he sought them out for his sick, perverted nastiness.
How much time passed between when the "source" alerted them of the sex act and the sting was set up?
He was arrested two weeks ago and not a word from the national media or the "black activists" who allegedly salivate over cases like this.

This is a five year old boy whose life is probably irrevocably ruined at this point. He has been raped, molested and drugged for who knows how long. His spirit has been shattered and the only "family" he has likely ever known betrayed his trust and robbed him of his innocence. This young boy will most likely grow up to be "DBR"if he isn't immediately helped with intensive therapy.

If this five year old grows up to become a rapist, drug dealer, murderer, etc. it will be his black SKIN that folks see first. He will be just another black male criminal and his behavior will be attributed to primarily his race and secondarily the fact that his biological father "abandoned" him. The trauma that this boy experienced and witnessed will not matter because the expectations for him are already low. No one will investigate "why", just chalk it up to his race and gender.

This is why, in my opinion, only focusing on the "betterment and protection" of black women and girls benefits no one. Many of the black men the Clucking Hens disparage have experiences not befitting of normal, sane, rational males. Just as many of the black women they are trying to "save" have not had the same experiences of normal, sane, rational females.

Like LaTanya Richardson said, black folks need some serious psychoanalysis just from our "past traumas". Toss in many of the current and existing "traumas" and it's amazing "we" are doing as well as we are. Well, at least some of us.

I hope that this poor boy is transferred to a safe environment where he can get the help he so desperately needs. I am going to do some more research to try and find his name and any contact info. Maybe even set up some type of fund for him.

If you have any ideas please drop them in the comment box.

LaTanya Richardson "gets it"

2009-06-30T14:59:00.000-07:00

I planned on featuring Samuel L. Jackson and his wife of 30 years LaTanya Richardson in my "Darkies in Love" segment when I came across an interview LaTanya recently gave to Essence magazine. LaTanya is currently starring on Broadway in August Wilson's Joe Turner's Come and Gone.

ESSENCE.COM: Bertha Holly, your character, had a subtle strength. How do you think the Black women of the early 1900's differed from today's sisters?

JACKSON: I think they are pretty much the same. Look at Michelle Obama. Everyone keeps making a big deal about her arms begin exposed, but don't get it twisted: her arms are out for a reason. Black women have had those arms forever—lifting, picking cotton, toting and carrying babies. August Wilson wrote about the Black women he knew about and that was the one who had to hold it all together and still have enough insight to know when to be subtle and firm. For me, yesterday's Bertha is what she is today. I know that I am. I'm still in the middle of trying to hold it together.

ESSENCE.COM: Thank you for saying that because some Black men complain that Black women are sometimes too strong and that we need to learn how to fall back. Why do you think that is?

JACKSON: I don't know, but we often do young Black men a disservice as mothers sometimes by not helping them understand what their role is as men in relations to women by telling them silly things like, "You'll never love another woman like me." We shouldn't be telling him stuff like that because that's not going to help him. It's so deep because we are so damaged and not recognizable as ourselves and in our culture and Blackness. Folks are always talking about 40 acres and a mule but what we need is some psychoanalysis. Forget 40 acres in a mule, sign all of us up for some shrinks so we can get ourselves right by reflecting and truly learning ourselves.

ESSENCE.COM: By the way, we think you've done just fine holding it down for you and your family, especially after 29 years of marriage to your husband, Sam Jackson. After all these years what do you believe is the true meaning of love?

JACKSON: When I think about what love is I think about when he's away and when I think about him my whole body smiles; when I look at my daughter and she's okay or just watch Sam and see how he really works to take care of me and her even still at 26 years old. I think about all the things that we've shared up until this point and how we're still able to laugh, enjoy ourselves or even be in different rooms and be okay. The fact that he cares about what's going on in the world and how that's going to affect us as a family and what our responsibility is as a family to make this world a better place—I know what love is.

When I read this I almost started crying. I love how she talks about the past subtlety of black women - how necessary it was (and still is) for us to be able to discern when, where and how to display our "strength". Many modern black women have lost the ability AND DESIRE to control their emotions.

But back to the interview....

Here is a real black woman talking about the true affects of "damaged negroes" from a completely different standpoint. She has not "divested" from the community - she is trying to lead by example with her black family. She is gorgeous (the clucking hens would call her "average"), smart, talented, successful and happily married - yet she can still see the psychological damage so many African-Americans are mired in and she has sympathy. She is not using racist jargon to describe the bulk of her fellow African-Americans while she happily skips away and out of the "mess".

I will write a post soon about the Jackson's and their marriage and how they are proof that love really does conquer all. I imagine it'd be a lot harder for Sam to find a LaTanya these days - even at Spelman.

Even Black Girls Get "Yellow Fever"

2009-06-29T14:17:00.000-07:00

Michael Jackson is dead, Bernie Madoff gets 150 years in prison and a Clucking Hen admits to preferring non-black women over her own.

The more things change....

Anyway, over at Black Women Find a White Man by Any Means Necessary, Evia pretty much acknowledges why white men prefer Asian women when they are sick of the monstrous white women they created:

Well sorry, but even I see a typical Asian woman as more feminine than a typical AA woman because I don't ever hear about Asian women trying to "save alla our people," (like men) or worrying about what's going to happen to the other Asians (like a man should do) if they marry up. I see Asian women behaving like typical women who are considered feminine. I see Asian women behaving the way many ww, Hw, and AA men behave, who look out for themselves without trying to carry their whole community on their backs. They're mating and marrying whoever they feel will lift them up without giving anyone else a backwards glance. If anyone should perform this role among AAs, it should be AA men in the majority.

So if SHE can see why WHITE men would prefer Asian women - why can't she see why SOME BLACK MEN have decided that MANY African-American women would not make suitable wives. She says that Asian women are more feminine IN DEMEANOR which is EXACTLY what black men have been saying about many nonblack women for YEARS. But apparently this is only an acceptable excuse for the white man. Black men should have to tolerate any and all attitude and over-bearing behavior from a black woman.

There are a bunch of reasons for some of wm-aw unions. I'll mention SOME of them. First of all, wm don't engage in monolithic thought about this. With SOME of those white guys, it is about the fact that there will be less social resistance if they marry Asian rather than a bw, but for some of others them, they would have just as readily married a bw except, honestly, you know and I know that some AA women are a real headache when it comes to IR dating, loving, and marrying wm.

AA Women can also be a real headache when it comes to dating, loving and marrying BLACK men too. But that's not a good enough excuse for you self-hating negroes. How dare you want peace and comfort and support from a black woman. WHY ARE YOU SUCKING THEM DRY??!!

I run into this myself when I'm talking to AA women about the IR option sometimes offline. There's just too much hesitation, hand-wringing and drama! This is why more wm are now pursuing young African women here, instead. They don't have to deal with all of that racial angst and drama from A-Z as some have to do when they date African American women.

First of all, many young, African women are dating/marrying other young, African men. They are NOT looking for a white knight because they BELIEVE in the true inherent qualities of the men from their race/culture. They absolutely feel like it is their DUTY to maintain strong ties to their culture and produce children that will look like them. African women are incredibly loyal to their men. Evia is living in a dream world. Wasn't she allegedly married to a Nigerian man? She shouldknow all about African women.

A typical man of any race just wants to meet a smiling, willing woman, have a low-stress relationship, have a woman to appreciate him, get married, have somebody to hug at night, have babies, and live happily ever after. LOL!

This is what AA men want tpo and when they can't find it in an AA woman are they supposed to just be alone? Why is it inconceivable that it is JUST as hard for a black man to find a "good" BW as it is for a BW to find a "good" BM?

There's just too much drama about racial issues in SOME of these situations, and too many AA women are constantly broadcasting how pissed off they are about this and that. That's STRIFE!! Who, in their right minds, wants that type of strife in their life?

Again, this is the SAME stuff black men have been saying for DECADES. Most AA women do not know how to properly address their hurt/frustrations/sadness and they feel that being angry, combative, etc is the only emotion they know how to express. So now Evia is telling them to change this for white men but not for black men?

I wrote an essay entitled "ANGER IS FOR LOSERS." I pointed out in that essay that NO ONE cares whether an AA woman is angry. AA women don't blow up buildings, planes, or cruise ships, and won't even stop spending or giving away their money. AA women simply self-destruct. They implode. So why would anyone care whether an AA woman is angry??

Clearly her white savior hasn't cared for centuries. Black men STOPPED caring once black women decided to make him the sole source for her anger. She is angry that her looks are considered ugly by whites, her body is distorted an unattractive according to whites, her personality is too "overbearing" when in white company, etc etc etc. All this anger reached a fever pitch once black women started "outpacing" black men. White men simply replaced one masculine entity with another because they do not really see black women as being feminine in general. Look at all the "good jobs" many black women have today - masculine jobs like security guards, mail carriers, corrections officers, etc.

I will do a post later on the "masculinization" of black women via certain industries.

But anyway, Evia hates black women as much as she claims black men do. She should try to hide it better if she wants us to buy her books.

"I don't need a man, I can do it by myself!"

2009-06-23T13:56:00.000-07:00

R&B singer Jill Scott recently gave an interview to Essence magazine in which she revealed that she and the father of her infant child are no longer together.

ESSENCE.COM: Well, at least your hubby-to-be was there to support. How has he been adjusting to Jett?

SCOTT: Yes, he was there and for a couple of days afterwards while I stayed in hospital, but John and I are no longer together. When you have a baby you're dealing with a lot of emotions and I don't know how much of it had to do with us breaking up, but it happens. We definitely love our son and we are co-parenting and working on being friends. have a lot of support, so It is what it is. I want for nothing as far as that's concerned. I know some might criticize me or the fact that my son is being raised in a single-parent home, but I wasn't raised in a two-parent home and I had a good relationship with my dad. I have hopes for him and I'm sure his father will do his part as well.

Notice how she said that she "wants for nothing"?? Nice that you don't need anything Ms. Fabulous Singer/Actress but what about the needs of your child? This is the selfish nature of many single mothers - "as long as I don't need anything from the man, it's all good."

ESSENCE.COM: As a mother, what has been the biggest lesson thus far?

SCOTT: My heart and prayers go out to all single moms because it's tough, and I can't imagine any teenager dealing with a baby and all those hormones raging. I can afford to have this child at 37 because I have a support system and I can talk to my girls, Mo'Nique and Erykah [Badu], but I don't understand how any mother does it alone. I don't believe I suffered from postpartum because I didn't feel depressed, but it was jarring and I can understand now how some mothers lose it. What he's taught me is that I thought I was grown and patient but I was neither until now. Even when I hold him and dance with him to his favorite song, Marvin Gaye's "Come Live With Me," and he holds me tighter and then relaxes, I realize that I never knew unconditional love like this before, and I'm looking forward to watching and helping him grow.

Again, a typical black woman's support system is her girlfriends and female relatives - many of whom are also single mothers. In their eyes, all a child needs (male or female) is to be "loved" and cared for. A "girlfriend" is not a father and cannot provide THE CHILD with what he/she needs even though they can provide THE MOTHER with endless hours of support and conversation.

Unlike a lot of women, I was not fooled by Jill Scott's "earthiness". I had a friend who worked on one of her music videos and she said she was the biggest D-I-V-A on the planet and rude as all get out. So is it any surprise that her "I am an earth mother Queen" persona infiltrates other areas of her life?

Debbie Schlussel had an excellent post on the decline of fathers/men in America. I don't agree with Debbie on much, but she is spot-on about the single mother epidemic and its disastrous affects.

Let's just hope Lil' Jet Scott gets some male figures in his life early on who can remain committed to him.

It's All About Me, Always

2009-06-17T18:38:00.000-07:00

Pearl Jr. is some kind of author/comedienne/film reviewer/social commentator or whatever. I came across this gem after someone posted it in Queens' comment section. Pearl seems to think that the world owes black women husbands and "propaganda" films like Lakeview Terrace are making it even harder for them to snag one.

For those too lazy to click, I'll throw you some gems to bait you:

"This film has some nerve..."

"We have put up with black men with nonblack women like Frederick Douglas, Jack Johnson..."

"Fifty percent of black men making over $100,000 a year are with nonblack women..."

"She [Kerry Washington] is with a nice white boy.."

"How come in movies it's OK for black men to be with nonblack women"

"Black women are the least married, the least likely to get married, more than often the single momma....too many of our kids don't have fathers..."

"We 'spose to stay single as black women and not have nobody..."

"This movie is supposed to scare white boys from liking black women..."

"We need MEEEEEEEEN in the race"

"I guess they're letting them know that we not supposed to take white men, only black men are supposed to go leaving the community..."

"All we got in the community is sistas and babies..."

Now, Pearl is right in her assessment that Lakeview Terrace was propaganda, but not that type she is alleging. Like a lot of Clucking Hens she can't see past her own venom against black men who date out to make an accurate assessment. This film was made to highlight the growing fear of "reverse racism". Sam Jackson is a black man with authority (a cop) who has the real chance at wreaking havoc on a white man. Now, the black woman was tossed into the mix to quelch the knee-jerk "this film is some racist bullshit" that they knew would come. If Sam Jackson was terrorizing an all white couple the film would have looked very different. The black woman was "used" to "soften" the film's message. Once again, the white man used the black woman and the Clucking Hens saw it as PROOF that black men would rather kill them than see them date a white man.

It was no accident that the film starred Kerry Washington as she has been publicly ridiculed at the time for her relationship with a white man. She had spoken about it in Essence magazine, I believe. I am sure she had personal attachment to the film's storyline and the Clucking Hen crowd probably wet their pants when they saw the previews.

The film was a bomb at the box office because women were absolutely uninterested and white men had no desire to go see their greatest fear come to life.

There's No "I" in Team

2009-06-17T15:07:00.001-07:00

Mara and Salim Akil seem to work very well together. They met when they were both working on the Showtime series "Soul Food", where Mara was a writer and Salim was one of the Executive Producers.

Salim directed numerous episodes of Mara's hit series "Girlfriends" and was the main director on the recently canceled "The Game".

According to her she hired him to direct because, "no one else was" and he "is incredibly talented and shouldn't be unemployed!"

Hmmmm, she had opportunities her husband didn't so she "shared the pie". Instead of competing with him and throwing him under the bus, she extended to him an opportunity. As the creator and executive producer of the show she had a chance to help *someone* get a job so why not her husband! Makes sense to me.

Anyway, the two are working on an upcoming film together which Mara will write and Salim will direct. Good luck to both of them and kudos for surviving in Hollywood of all places.

Angel In Disguise

2009-06-17T10:58:00.001-07:00

Some black women who are part of the "anything but a black American man" chorus have the ability to cleverly hide their racism against black males. Usually these women just focus on the "DBR" types so they have a lot of "fuel" for their hatred. But every now and then a sociopathic black woman will show her true colors and how she really feels about ALL black men.

Clutch mag is an online magazine for YUPPIE black women. It's decent, but a bit to obsessed with materialism in my opinion. Ads for fake hair, shoes and beauty products are everywhere and frankly that's just not my cup of tea. Black soap and shea butter are really all I need. But I digress...

In a recent article on rapper Jay-Z and his song about the abuse of auto-tune in hip-hop, one "educated" black woman decided to use the forum as an outlet to bash Jay-Z and black men in general. Her name is "Goldangel":

"and folks should be listening to a former drug dealer by the name of sean carter aka jay z exactly why, again?

needs to go sit his ugly ass down somewhere."

Hmmm, she seems to know a lot about Jay-Z despite her belief that he should be ignored. It is not COMMON KNOWLEDGE that Jay-Z's name is Sean Carter. Ask anyone who is not a rap fan what Jay-Z's real name is. I bet you they don't know. This girl is a Jay-Z fan or had been at one point.

The Angel is rightfully labeled a "hater" by a male poster which of course sets her off:

When I have a son he will never be ANYTHING like Jay Z and, if I had a daughter, I wouldn’t let her ANYWHERE near the likes of him if only for the fact that I wouldn’t want to chance having an ugly granddaughter. But this thing of clapping and celebrating when a murderer like OJ gets acquitted; calling R. Kelly’s teenaged victim “fast” or a “ho” then continuing to put money in Kelly’s pocket by purchasing his CDs or attending his concerts and sitting back while BET and the NAACP nominates him for awards; and, now, hailing Jay Z? Ridiculousness!

She has now called him ugly twice. The article was not about his looks or labeling him a sex symbol. His looks have nothing to do with anything yet she felt the need to call him ugly again. Then she leaps into the "black people only support murderers, drug dealers and pedophiles" spiel. Clucking hens love to say this over and over as if they are telling us something new for the first time. OJ was acquitted by a predominantly black female jury but he did have both black men and women supporting HIS ACQUITTAL. I don't think any black person willingly supports murderers. Some folks got caught up in the SYMBOLIC NATURE of his acquittal. Black lives have meant nothing to white folks for centuries and those two white lives meant nothing to us in this ONE instance. No one was celebrating the fact that OJ murdered two people (and most of us knew he murdered those people, LOL).

The R. Kelly gripe is also old and tired and geared towards the wrong audience. Most of Kelly's supporters have always been black women. I went to an R. Kelly concert years ago and there were women of all races there and only a handful of men. His audience has ALWAYS been female which is why he has made attempts to cross over to more of a male audience by singing on rap hooks and doing the collaborations with Jay-Z. So "Goldenangel" needs to redirect her anger at those black women in Chicago who picketed his trial. Those women are not reading an online magazine - they are on myspace posting their ass shots. She is "preaching to the choir" but that is what Clucking Hens like to do.

If people are going to continue to big up, congratulate and forgive black American men for the trifling shit they do then support, finance, sex, baby or love on them (those who do the community the most detrimental harm), then they may as well support, finance, sex, baby and love on white dudes in the Ku Klux Klan.

Remember this post is about Jay-Z, not about trifling black men but of course a black male face automatically triggers the "DBR" alarm in these nutcases. I also loves the language she uses which she has lifted DIRECTLY from those same "harmful" black men. "Big up" is a term that originated in hip hop. Like most of the Clucking Hens, the Angel is filled with anger and rage and obsessed with black men. "They" have wronged her somehow, somewhere. I also love how the "trfiling shit" black men do is equal to the mass carnage committed by the most racist and violent organization to ever exist within the United States. Notice that she also didn't mention any actual "trfiling shit", I think just being a black male who is not perfect = trifling shit.

A few years ago Jay Z signed on to do that Best of Both Worlds tour with R. Kelly after the tape and news of his vile abuse of young girls was well known. REPEAT: JAY Z SIGNED ON TO TOUR WITH A PEDOPHILE, so I hope Beyonce never gets pregnant with one child by this ugly opportunistic fucker, let alone pregnant with a female child, as I’d question that type of judgment and both he and she will have some serious explaining, backtracking, lying, excusing and fudging the truth to do if their future children were to ask serious questions.

Again, she knows a lot about a man she is so repulsed by. Later in the comments she is bitch- slapped, I mean corrected, by another commenter but the comment still stands. Look at her illogical statements - seriously, look at them. And once again she mentions how ugly she find Jay-Z.

Did Jigga even graduate high school? Does he have a certificate from a trade school? College degree? No to all 3! Yes, he may be a ‘successful businessman’ NOW. Yes, he may have gone on to throw a couple of million at the effort to bring clean water to certain parts of Africa (hell, gotta ‘tax shelter’ some of those millions somehow), but Jay Z once shot his own brother over some piddly jewelry and was once popped on gun charges, arrested for allegedly stabbing somebody etc.

Ohhhh boy, here we go. He did not receive a traditional education so he is an idiot, loser who can offer nothing to the world. Clucking Hens use education to demonstrate why black women are superior. Nevermind the fact that MOST black people male and female do not have college degrees. And of those who do have degrees, many did not receive them from institutions that whites are impressed by. The "network" for blacks with degrees is ridiculously small anyway. But they just like to toss out the fact that black men aren't getting educated at the same rate they are blah blah blah. Another poster points out that Jay has repeatedly made amends for his past and his brother has forgiven him. Of course that doesn't matter to a Clucking Hen because black men can never be redeemed (DBR, remember?).

Jay Z ain’t no “Moses” or “savior” nor does Oprah owe him “a favor” [terms from the opening article] and why does society or successful females always gotta be owing black men something? Are they perpetual children in need of everybody’s neverending care, money, support and attention?

This is something she wrote in response to another poster. Do you see how she has taken up the banner for ALL "successful" females.

They.

Think.

They.

Are.

Better.

Than.

YOU.

Not just black men but ANYONE who is not like them.

Clucking Hens always claim that black men "use" black women and "beg" for their support. They never give credence to those black women who simply WANT to support. To them, those women MUST be brainwashed and stupid and if they would just "get away" from the DBRs they would see that they have been tricked into everything. The DBR women tend to support the DBR men - if that results in LOTS & LOTS & LOTS of black women supporting DBR men then that means that LOTS & LOTS & LOTS of black women are also "DBR", right?
Well, I am not American, ain’t a “black woman”, and I’m a mixed chick, so what do I care? Tall, good-looking or “pretty”, intelligent, built and monied men are par and a must (I’m married to one) but maybe Jay Z would be, like, 1/8th less ugly to me were he not a former drug dealer, shooter and stabber who’d spit such disrespect for his own race of females. Of course Beyonce is free to do as she pleases and I could feel her had she got with a Brad Pitt, Will Smith, Zac Efron, Wentworth Miller, Justin Timberlake or even Robert De Niro (were any of them single) but I DO NOT and NEVER WILL see what she sees in an ape thug negro like Jay Z. Got that?!

So now we get to the root of the Angel's rant. She is a "mixed" chick and not American! Wow, she sure is obssessed with American pop culture and slang and celebrities! She then rattles off her laundry list of qualifications for a man (but happens to be married - LOL). I don't even need to dissect this because it speaks for itself. "Goldenangel" is not a mixed chick from overseas. She is an American black woman with DEEP self-hatred and anger. I called her out on her racism and she called me a "chickenhead". Not only is she American, she is probably from a lower class community. She is an angry, bitter STRIVER. Further evidence:

I agree! It won’t be retired because it will be needed to describe wimpy punk ass males who ride Jay Z’s nutsack like fairies and - when they get angry, all else fails and they can’t control a situation – like to call females out their names! That’s the ticket but thank you, Clnmike, for displaying a prime example of why I never dated black American men, don’t find the majority of them attractive, and look forward to the day the lot of em are all locked up for life in a maximum security prison on a remote island somewhere.

She then said she was joking. Riiiiight.

And there you have it, folks. This is the mindset of many African American (or biracial foreign) women in 2009. They are angry at their "mirror image" for not holding them in high enough esteem for whites. They can't do it on their own, obviously, because whites have their own opinions about black women SEPARATE from their opinions about black men. They are angry with you for not giving them everything that white women have and for "forcing" them to go out and get it on their own.

Darkies in Love - No One Cares: Al Roker and Deborah Roberts

2009-06-16T13:03:00.000-07:00

I wish I had a nickle for every time I heard some black woman say that they don't like a (black) man who is corny. This is not just isolated incidents or hood chicks - this sentiment is rampant in the black community. For some odd reason, many black women find a man who is corny incredibly annoying. Of course once those corny men ascend to astronomical heights (Barack Obama, the corniest black man in America) he suddenly has "swagger" and is "suave" and "cool". Notice that it usually happens when these men "crossover" and are adored by white women. Just make a note of that.

Anyway, corny men make good husbands and fathers. Why? Because they tend to not take themselves too seriously. They tend to not be hyper-masculine and they tend to appreciate humor and know how to use humor to keep a woman interested and kids entertained. I am a proud card-carrying member of the corny wives club - my husband is the cornball nerd type.

Al Roker is a nerd. He is a graduate of SUNY Oswego, a weatherman, an author, and to some people a fat, jolly black guy who coons it up for white folks on TV. Deborah Roberts is a graduate of the University of Georgia and a successful anchor for ABC television. She used to work for NBC where she met Al. They married in September of 1995 in New York City. Al had been married before and had a daughter, Courtney. I am not 100% certain but I believe Al's first wife was a nonblack woman. In the pictures I have seen of Courtney she looks to be biracial. Again, I am not sure though. So don't quote me on that.

Al and Deborah have two children together, Leilah and Nicholas. They are regular fixtures in New York City and are seen out and about at the ballet, theater, fundraisers and other events. Al has been a success for years in front of the camera but has also worked hard to build an empire as a producer and tv executive. He is also a "foodie" and has written cookbooks and produced specials for the Food Network. By all accounts the man knows how to make money and provide for his family. He and his wife are on COMPETING morning shows yet they still make it work.

It was hard finding information on this couple because guess what - NO ONE CARES. No features in Essence or Ebony, no profiles on blogs, nada. Just two regular looking black people married with children. Nothing to see here folks, no big deal. This is another example of the invisible black marriage. I will write about this more on the blog because I feel like it is a huge issue. More people make $$$ off the belief that black people do not believe in marriage, don't get married and don't stay married. They throw around statistics to build up their arguments yet they ignore other factors which lead to these biased stats. Al Roker and Deborah Roberts are a real life professional black couple. She is a good looking black woman with dark skin and relaxed hair. She is not "weaved out" or a size 0. Her husband is a huge advocate for fathers and fatherhood and has written books on the subject. He has won awards for his work. All without the "support" of black American women. He has not had a single rally held in his honor by any black female group. He has not been given any honors (as far as I know) by the black community. Yet still he has done A LOT to "keep up" the image of black American men. Why don't the black female supremacists advise their foot soldiers to go out and buy his books, watch his specials, etc? They should be giving this man support because his money is being spent on his black wife and black children.

Where is the campaign for Al Roker? Where is the love?

Halle Berry, She So Fine & Crazy

2009-06-16T10:36:00.000-07:00

Poor.Wittle. Halle. Berry

The penultimate tragic mulatto. The woman so gorgeous that blacks hate her and whites hate her, too. Her life has been so. hard. My tiny violin has popped it strings after all the playing I have done for Halle. Berry.

On "Sara's" blog - "Interracial Love and Spice!!" - she decided to foolishly make"sense" out of Halle Berry's recent tongue down at the Guy's Choice Awards. I tried to post a comment but was DENIED because I don't kiss white man booty.

Anyway, Sara and her minions seems to think that Halle was trying to apologize for her relationship with unemployed model Gabriel Aubrey. In their warped minds, Halle is so desperate to regain the favor of black men, she kissed Jamie Foxx and grabbed his penis on national television. Sara's logic is so backwards and her black male paranoia is at an all time high:

"but I've seen this behavior demonstrated by many sistas. They'll be happily involved with a non-bm and feel the need to hide, or downplay it. This is esp true when there are multiple bm around, or if they feel that they are under watch."

Let's play doctor and dissect this for a quick second. Sara claims to know "many" sistas in interracial relationships. We all know the stats and we all can see with our eyes how few BW are dating interracially. Perhaps where Sara lives (LA LA LAND) there are many BW with WM. I think there aren't and she is just "reaching" to make a point. The IR evangelicals love to "reach".

Second, she assumes that these women are "happily involved" SOLELY because they are with non-black men. Of course a black woman would be "happy" - she is with that almighty paycheck, I mean, white guy.

"You cannot expect a man to be proud to be with you, while you are demonstrating shame, or embarrassment in being with him. Would you let him get away with that mess??"

OIC. When a black woman is dating a white man, her behavior and lack of commitment can cause that white man to not be proud of her. But when a black woman is dating a BLACK man, her behavior should not matter because a black man should just treat her the way she is supposed to be treated!

Now she weeps for the oppressed:
Here is a very beautiful woman who has been through alot.

What exactly is "a lot" and compared to whom exactly?

"We all know she was married to a man (Justice ) who just one day up and said, that he no longer wished to be married to her. Then of course we all know her second husband (Bonet) was a gold digger and a womanizer who cheated on her with anything that moved and sued her for an outrageous amount of money during the divorce."

LOL @ the venom she has for Halle's ex black husbands.

Halle (in a pathetic attempt to snag a "balla") proposed marriage to David Justice. He was a rising star in baseball and she had a lukewarm acting career. They were married for five years and lived in Georgia because he played for the Braves. She was trying to cement a film career so she spent most of her time in Los Angeles or on location. They both were traveling a lot and admitted that it was impossible to have a normal, functioning marriage. When they announced their divorce in 1996, the couple's spokesperson did not reveal who filed for divorce. So the idea that he "up and left" her is just speculation. She also filed a restraining order against him, alleging he was harassing her despite numerous teammates saying that she was the one stalking him. While they were married they both got tattoos of each other's names on their person - "Halle" was on his arm and "David" was on her rear end. She also said that she contemplated suicide after their marriage ended - clearly she was deeply in love with him.

As far as Eric Benet goes, he had more of a career when they married than Gabriel has now. He had already released two hit albums and his smash "Spend My Life With You" with Tamia had already made him a household name in the R&B world. He was a songwriter so he had numerous credits to his name. Benet had also been through "a lot" including the death of the mother of his child in a car accident. He took a job driving a truck for UPS and took on the single father role and put his singing career on hold. Halle's relationship with Eric brought her back "into the fold". He sang to her at an awards show, he talked about how she was the inspiration for some of his new material, basically he was the good "public" face for her. Not to mention the fact that he stood by her after she hit another human being with her car and fled the scene. He was with her when her public image was at an ALL TIME LOW. He was with her when she had sex with another man on screen to win an Oscar. He stood by her through A LOT. And what did she do in return? LIED ON HIM REPEATEDLY and cut off contact with his daughter whom she had adopted.

Did he admit to cheating on her? Yes. Did he cheat on her as much as she claims he did? No. He also did not try to "sue her for every dime she had" and has said on numerous occasions that he never asked for any money from her. Here's what HE told the New York Post in 2006:

"If she said that, that I cheated on her 27 times, then she is simply lying. Straight out, that's a lie and a gross, gross exaggeration of what happened in our marriage. I've admitted my indiscretion and apologised and took responsibility. I think maybe it's time for Halle to take some responsibility, instead of constantly casting herself in this victim mode and implying her commitment to our marriage was without flaw."

Sounds like Halle Berry subscribes to the black female supremacist victim ideology. It didn't hurt her case that Benet was a black male - you know who white folks love to believe all a black man wants to do is stick his thing in everything. SMH. Oh, I forgot to mention that Halle and Eric sued Star magazine after they wrote a piece about their marriage being in shambles. She WILLINGLY participated in defending her broken marriage. She wanted GOOD publicity from a BAD union. But she is just the wittle victim in all this. Puh-lease.

Now let's get back to Jamie Foxx and the kiss seen around the internet. According to Sara and ilk, Jamie is "revolting". Now, I happen to not find Jamie Foxx attractive but that doesn't make him revolting. My guess is he is revolting because he acts really, really "black" to them. You know how they hate folks who "act black". I also think they hate Jamie because he is cool and funny and has no shortage of women (white,black, etc) interested in him. They don't understnad how or why any woman would wnat to be anywhere near him because he acts so....BLACK! Anyway, Jamie is known to "act a fool" so to speak. He started out in comedy and has a hilarious radio show currently on Sirius. He likes to party and likes taking pictures with attractive young women. Some folks think he is a closet homosexual but I don't. And even if he is, I don't care! But Sara and Co. think he is just "so gross!!" Ewwwww. So of course they were DEVASTATED when their princess Halle made out with him and he grabbed her butt. "She didn't really want to do that" or she felt "pressure" from black men is all they could come up with

Halle has a history of pathetic public stunts to garner press and attention. Bearing her ta-tas in that horrible movie with John Travolta and then going on MTV and exclaiming she got paid "$250,000 per t*t!" This is her M-O.

Had she made out with Brad Pitt on stage the clucking hens would have called it a victory for ALL black women EVERYWHERE. Instead it is a DEFEAT for their movement. Black girls are supposed to be BETTER OFF once they date white - not whoring themselves out to some thug at a bootleg awards show. She confirms what most of us already know - she is BORED AS HELL with that wooden boy toy.

Darkies in Love - No One Cares: Viola Davis & Julius Tennon

2009-06-15T11:58:00.000-07:00

According to most black women, black men are not interested in dating us. They don't want us because we are their "mirror image" and they are ashamed of that. They don't want a woman who is not *prized* (read: WHITE) so that's why they drop kick us for a fat, white woman all day every day.

But every now and then I come across a black woman either in real life or one who is "of note" and I am reminded that some of us aren't so quick to believe the hype. Some of us were able to find love, respect and admiration despite not being *prized* by white men.

This is Academy Award-nominated actress Viola Davis. She is 43 and from South Carolina. She is a graduate of the prestigious Julliard School and won a Tony for her work on Broadway. She has received numerous awards for her work on screen and on stage. By all accounts she is a highly successful black woman. For the past six years she has been married to actor Julius Tennon. For all those slow kids out there that means she got married at 37 years of age. Here are some qoutes about their relationship:

"Tennon impressed Davis on the very first date. He had the kind of absolute integrity she craved, and had almost stopped hoping she'd discover in anyone. He was a single father for 16, 17 years; he raised his children by himself, as well as pursuing a career in acting"

OK, let's start right here. Julius was a single father of two children when he met Viola. He was also an actor, trying to pursue a career with children on his back. Despite being "left" with two children, he didn't seem to harbor hatred and ill-will towards black women. He found a black woman he was interested in and took her out on a date. She was OPEN and RECEPTIVE to dating this man. She did not shun him for the failure of his previous relationship. She also was *LOOKING* for integrity. She did not expect it to just appear out of nowhere.

"So he has character. He's a good man. And he endeared himself to me because he was different from anyone else I dated, because he was extraordinarily emotionally available and kind and generous.""

WAIT....what?? A negro male with character. Notice how she said that he endeared himself to HER. She also said that he was emotionally available and kind - she did not harp on how much money he made or how he could "protect and provide" for her. He was a NICE GUY and she found THAT endearing.

"It makes a difference to have a life—to have a life that's healthy and loving. It allows you to do what you do, and not work from a place of chaos ... She's proud that their relationship is a true partnership. It sustains her in many ways, tangible and intangible. "I can absolutely say that I'm happy," Davis adds, "but I also have to say that a responsibility comes with that."

This is from an article in which one of the producers of a play she was in (Lynn Nottage's "Intimate Apparel") spoke about her marriage and what she PERSONALLY WITNESSED between Viola and Julius. Responsibility in a marriage is very important. Viola understand this. She knows that she must "show up" and be part of her relationship, too. He is not ultimately responsible for HER happiness by himself. Smart woman.

"But in marriage, she says, "doubt is imperative. You have to understand you aren't always right."

Well look what we have here. A black woman admitting that she doesn't know every got damn thing and is willing to lay down her sword.

"The fact that he's an actor makes it fantastic. But also, it's the kind of person you marry. The temperament. Like when you marry someone, you've got to choose well. That's how it starts. I married a man who has lived a life, so he's more than just what he does. He's a man of strong character. The fact he understands it's very difficult to get with someone who's outside the business who understands it. It's very difficult. The paranoia, the unemployment, the whole instability, the hours...all of it."

Not once has she said anything about how much money he makes. The fact that he is NOT PERFECT (i.e. has lived a life) is part of the reason she LIKES him. Go figure! A woman looking at a man in his totality and not just what he did wrong.

Now, I didn't want to point out the obvious but I will anyway. Viola Davis is a DARK black woman. She is probably one of the darkest black females in the media. She has full lips, a wide nose and wears her hair straightened/pressed/weaved or whatever. She looks like a lot of black women I see on a daily basis - professional or not. When Viola was up for anOscar she got virtually no play on the black entertainment blogs. Everyone loved talking about Taraji P. Henson, but hardly anyone touched on Viola. These gossip and entertainemtn blogs are typically run by black women. Why were they not parading around this GORGEOUS couple as a testament to black love. Viola was at event after event for months and there was hardly any interest in her.

Could it be that black women are "turned off" by a dark couple like this. Do they somehow not represent "black love" the same way biracial Barack and Michelle Obama do? OR Beyonce and Jay-Z?

For all the clucking black women do about black men not wanting dark black women, they are the FIRST to say that a dark black woman is not attractive enough for a dark black man. Think about all the "shade" black women have thrown at Pauletta Washington. It's not that she's dark, they say, it's just that she is not attractive. He should be with someone prettier or more "on his level".

Oh, and I forgot to mention that Julius is an actor who has appeared on television and in movies for years. He has had "access" to nonblack women for years. He chose Viola out of all the other women he had "access" to.

So to recap: a successful, educated black woman dated a semi-successful black man with two children. They married and have been together ever since. Did she "lower her standards"? No, because she said he had the qualities she was looking for. Those qualities were not "x number of degrees", "light brown skin", "6'2", "well-traveled," "speaks multiple languages", "no kids", "all about me".

White Men Appreciate "Archetype" Black Features

2009-06-14T10:49:00.000-07:00

This is a line that the IR Evangelical bloggers toss out whenever they feel the need to justify why they date white. According to them, the bulk of African American men in this country just hate the way "average" black women look. They hate it so much that they only pursue "quality" relationships (marriage) with women who don't look like that. Who cares if plenty of black men that aren't in the spotlight PREFER those features. We're only talking about the rich and famous black men, mmmmmk?

White men are more "evolved" therefore they can look at a woman with full lips, high cheek bones and a wide nose and find her stunningly beautiful. Whereas those ape-like negro males can only find keener features, straight hair and light skin attractive. Nevermind the fact that white males have elevated black women who possess those features and usually only want to see those type of black women on TV and in movies.

So, some hick GOP activist named Rusty DePass decided to take to his facebook page to demean Michelle Obama. According to the NY Daily News:

Commenting on a report posted to Facebook about a gorilla escape at a zoo in Columbia, S.C., Friday, longtime GOP activist Rusty DePass wrote, "I'm sure it's just one of Michelle's ancestors - probably harmless.

After he was busted by a blogger, Mr. DePass offered the usual "it was just a joke" apology.

"I am as sorry as I can be if I offended anyone. The comment was clearly in jest."

But WAIT, there's more: DePass blames Michelle for the "jokey joke"!!

Then he added, "The comment was hers, not mine," claiming Michelle Obama made a recent remark about humans descending from apes. The Daily News could find no such comment.

The white evangelical Christians will say that he was just making fun of her belief in Darwin and not at all linking her African features to those of primates. Let's not forget this little gem which originated on right-wing blogs and forums where "DBRs" tend not to lurk:

Some Potential Questions

2009-06-14T09:37:00.000-07:00

I've decided to do a FAQ (or questions I assume some may have) about this blog:

What is this blog about?

This blog is the place where I write about dating, marriage, relationships and all things related (beauty, social customs, stereotypes) in the African-American community. I will focus on "other" blacks from time to time when relevant. And sometimes nonblacks as well.

Why did you name it "Rashida, Rashida"?

Well for starters, that's my name. Actually, it's my middle name but it's the name I have chosen to go by publicly. I like it.

Secondly, I imagine many folks shaking their heads and muttering "Rashida, Rashida" when they read the blog. In fact, if you asked my parents they would say they spent a lot of my childhood shaking their heads and going, "Rashida, Rashida". LOL.

I also once wrote a song called "Rashida, Rashida" when I was a kid. It was about a young black girl who had a crush on a boy but he was smitten with another girl who was much more carefree, spirited and sassy than she was. The girl was named Rashida. :)

Are you biased against black women?

Yes and no. I am a black woman who has a tremendous amount of respect and love for my fellow sisters. However, I am not blind, deaf, or dumb. I try to look at many of the complaints from both sides and in all honestly I tend to side with the men more. Not because I am some brainwashed, man-identified "mammy", but because men tend to make more rational arguments and are much more willing to take responsibility for their actions and the results of those actions. Now, some may disagree on what "taking responsibility" actually means but that's why we debate.

Do you not want black women to be happy?!

Absolutely. Happy people make the world a better place. The happier folks are, the better MY quality of life will be. So of course I want black women to be happy. What I don't want is for black women to be in the position of having to date men they don't really want to date because their reputation in regards to relationships is extremely poor. I don't think black women realize that it is almost universally believed that black women make horrible mates. Black women are attractive, educated, hard-working, funny, etc. But when it comes to DATING and MARRIAGE, the adjectives used aren't so flattering: demanding, argumentative, combative, rigid, cold, etc. Until we start addressing why so many people view us this way and the ways in which we project these ideas we will continue to be unpartnered. Except those who want to date out and then well, they can try their luck.

Women of other races have "issues" and those same negative qualities, why are they married?

Because they are nicer in relationships and more understanding.

That's not true, they are just as mean to their men as black women are stereotyped to be!!

Most black women say this having never had any romantic experience with a)women and b)women who aren't black. There is a difference in behavior and more of a willingness to support a man emotionally and "work with him". Black women do not like doing this - they see this as being weak.

Why should black women support a no-good black man?

Never said they should.

Yes you did, you said black women don't support their men.

I said black women don't take care of a man's emotional needs and are typically unwilling to work with him through difficulties whether it be personal or professional.

What about ALL those black women who support those loser black men/DBR/baby daddy/unemployed thug types?

Those women are stupid. And they typically are not supporting that man they are emasculating him and complaining every step of the way. It is RARE that a black woman is a doormat for ANY type of man.

Not true, if black women weren't doormats why do they put up with so much crap from black men?

Because they do not want the challenge of dealing with a man who is going to make them "step up". So they date men who are in no position to call them out on their poor behaviors.

Good black men don't want black women, they want to date light/bright/white!!!

Some black men of all class levels prefer light/bright/white women. That is their choice. If they do not want to date you, that is their choice. There are good black men in all class levels who do not like light/bright/white women. They have the ability to choose and no one calls them out on it.

Black men have bashed black women for decades when they date out, why don't you call them out on it?

Some black men who date out have had to JUSTIFY why they do so and in their justification they have made statements about black women's behavior or their appearance. This is usually after they have been belittled and accused of all types of stuff from self-hate to homosexuality. Black women PROJECT a lot onto black men who date out and rarely accept his answer let alone respect his answer.

Only the loser black males like dark-skinned women because they know they have low self esteem and are using them!!

Uhhhm, OK. Not all dark-skinned women have low self esteem and some prefer men who aren't dark like them.

Whatever, black men are DAMAGED BEYOND REPAIR and you should be helping black girls see that they don't need them instead of being a slave catcher!!

LOL.