Black Women's Promiscuity - Our Dirty Little Secret

If you visit many black blogs devoted to covering entertainment, gossip, lifestyle issues, etc. you will often see a common thread in the comments section. Black women commenters lamenting about how "whorish" and "loose" and "nasty" nonblack (particularly white) women are. The public sentiments of many black women is that nonblack women are far more sexually promiscuous than black women (hence why an increasing number of black men are entering committed and non committed relationships with them). Cuz uhm, all you negroes want is a hole to stick it in cuz you're savages, animals, etc.

I truly believe that black women actually think this is true. White women are portrayed in the media as being sexy, attractive, sexual, feminine and the object of desire. It would only stand to reason that these women are portrayed this way because they are just oozing sex and very open to sex with just about anyone, anytime, anywhere. I think most black women believe that the experiences of the "Girls Gone Wild" type of white women is indicative of all white women. College-aged white women that participate in "spring break" type sexual activities are not the norm among white women. If it were, white women would probably find a hard time finding men to take them seriously, right? I think another reason for the stereotype of the "wanton white woman" is because white women were on the front lines of the sexual revolution. They were publicly pushing for birth control, sexual liberation and sexual freedom for women. It was this sexual social activism that helped permanently brand white women as sexually loose and irresponsible - mainly by white men that felt that this new found liberation would have only negative consequences. You can decide for yourself if they were right.

Anyway, I remember Joe Francis from "Girls Gone Wild" was on Tyra Banks' talk show and he said that the only reason there were no black girls on GGW was because the black girls wanted to be PAID for their appearance. There was never a lack of black girls willing to make out with each other, get naked or simulate sex - they just wanted cash for it. I think this is an important point. Nonblack women are often called whores by black women because they "do it for free" or "get nothing in return" or they are having sex with a black man (automatically makes her a whore, no matter what). Since most black women do not go to college (especially with white women) and most do not have friendships with white women it is amazing how so many can attest to the sexual behaviors of women they don't really know. However if white women were to make blanket claims about black women being whores, well, we all know all hell would break loose. Black women would accuse white women of trying to sabotage their dating opportunities by labeling them as promiscuous. It is ok for black women to undercut the femininity of other women (we are on the bottom, you see) but everyone else is supposed to create a level playing field.

But in a way our "underdog" status has actually worked to our advantage....

Since black women are not portrayed as sexy, attractive, feminine and desirable it is easy for us to claim that we are not promiscuous as other groups. The "hottentot venus" image was created by racist whites therefore any commentary on our sexual behaviors stems from racism. And unlike black men who "embrace all the sexual stereotypes about them" black women tend to deny them and attribute them to racism or black men. Decades of deflection, denial and fat out LYING has led to the myth of the "chaste black woman who is used, abused and exploited by black men and racist whites" becoming a popular talking point. Black women are either having sex with men we don't want to have sex with due to indoctrination, we are being raped, we are being manipulated, we have no control over our bodies, we are letting black men hit it raw because we are afraid we'll lose them, etc. Yet many black women will loudly proclaim they "got that good-good" or "they can make a ni**a scream!". We are so out of control in our sex lives but at the same time we have mastered making a man feel good. Men who want us for sex are buying into racist stereotypes, but we will gladly own up to the fact that only "we" know how to really satisfy a man. A lot of cognitive dissonance at play here.

When no one is paying attention to what you're doing, you can pretty much do anything. Most other groups have no interest in our sexual behaviors outside of the negative societal affects of out of wedlock parenting. The truth is, the results of our sexual behaviors have encroached upon others. Whereas the results of the GGW white women have not. White and asian women's sexual activity has not resulted into a burden on taxpayers, the public school system, law enforcement and communities. Also, white women's (and a growing number of Asian women's) sexual behavior is POLICED by white men. Black men have never had the ability to police anything black women do, especially when it comes to sex. Black women could be raped with impunity and black men were pretty much powerless to stop it. Yet white men could forbid a white woman from even looking at a black man. White men have always placed boundaries on white women's sexuality, even after the sexual revolution. They still do. White women are not sexually liberated, they are liberated for white men to use however they see fit, trade in for younger models, ridicule and mock, etc.

Decades of black women being able to hide behind the "no good niggas leaving us with babies" and "all black men want white women eventually" left us pretty much uncriticzed. We were the perpetual victims of weak men that would rather drink on the corner all day then get a job and provide for us. We could f*ck and s*ck all day long because any negative results could be blamed on black men. We have always had the perfect scapegoat. White women, on the other hand, have always had to cleverly balance their criticisms of white male sexism and misogyny with the knowledge that they still need those men. White women could never and have never thrown white men under the bus completely. Unless the woman is a lesbian (Rosie O'donnell type) she is not going to do that.

But once we started getting reports on lack of marriage, abortions and HIV among heterosexual black women the conversation started to change. Suddenly what a good number of black men had been saying for quite some time was being played out in various statistics: Black women are far more "hypergamous" than other women. It is this wanton hypergamy that has led to a minority of black men completely controlling the dating/mating market in the black community. Before feminism, women were not allowed to express their hypergamy because it was looked at shamefully. If a man was a decent man and he showed through his actions that he would make a good husband and father, a woman was encouraged to "jump on it". Men understood that in order to have access to frequent sex they were going to have to marry. These two ideals made marriage necessary and made both men and women commit to the institution. Hypergamy was not acceptable since most women were willing to accept "average" men as being worthy of their affection. Hypergamy leads to promiscuity because the more women that are in competition for a shrinking pool of males, the more the women will need to put out. Lots and lots of black women are having lots and lots of sex with different men in an effort to "lock one down". But she is being undercut by her fellow sisters who also want the same man. So she must add another possible man to her rotation who also has a series of women on his speed dial. Lather, rinse, repeat. Keep in mind the men range in socioeconomic status. "Keyshia" may exercise hypergamy amongst the ex-cons, dope boys and block huggers while "Pamela" may exercise hypergamy amongst the various educated, resourceful men in her social circle. "Tonya" may exercise hypergamy among the baller-type men who are in HER circle. Either way, there are only a handful of circles that black men

can be in to have access to commitment-free sex. And most men are locked out for various reasons.

The created "male shortage", which really means a shortage of men that black women want to have sex with, has led to women "having" to share men and "being left" with babies while select men move from woman to woman. Black women's behavior in SELECTING mates directly affects our sexual behavior. If you cast a wide net for men, as the woman you can carefully work your way through your choices since a good number of those men will simply be flattered that you're even interested. You will not need to sleep with a lot of men and play "Russian Roulette" with your vagina. Some men may have a ton of women waiting in line, and you will know this fairly quickly, so you can choose to let him move along or you can decide to get in the back of the line and wait. Most men are not "Mack Daddies". Most men do not have a steady rotation of women they can just screw whenever they want. Most men have to put concentrated effort into getting sex. ANY SEX. Some may lie and pretend like all they have to do is look at a girl but we all know that is not true. Most men put in "work" and women need to understand when you are being "worked for sex" versus a genuine interest in a relationship. Many black women take being "worked for sex" as genuine interest because they desperately want a certain type of man. Behavior they would deem unacceptable from an undesirable man would be the "keys to the coochie" for the type of man they want. Many black women will flat out admit that certain men do not turn them on sexually and therefore they are not going to give those man a chance. But if a man says that he is not attracted to a woman, FOR WHATEVER REASON, he is shallow, insecure, borderline gay, etc.

I don't agree with the mantra that "all black women want thugs" but I do think that black women have a very narrow view of what a dominant man is. Even the most educated of black women have this view. If a man does not appear to be able to be "alpha-dominant" he is going to have a hard time getting attention from black women. Black men that fall outside that acceptable "alpha" paradigm often find themselves questioning whether it is them or the women they are surrounded by. Especially if said man can see that "other" men can have a varying range of personalities, quirks, etc. and still have women treat them with respect. This is why the BWE bloggers say black women need to be reprogrammed. On this point they are spot on. In order for black women to even consider nonblack men as mates, most of them would have to completely change their thought patterns on masculinity. The same thought patterns that have kept an ever increasing number of black men searching for their own "something new".

Black American Female Victim Ideology - Part 1

Let's face it, the Black Women Empowerment movement is nothing without the black American female victim ideology. If African American women are not victims of black male oppression and hatred, then we really have nothing to discuss. After years of blaming white people for the social, political and financial failings of African Americans post civil rights, black women are now trying to distance themselves from the black community by turning on the community and the only other members in it (the men). Without black men, there would be no excuse for the 70% out-of-wedlock birthrate, the low birthrate among married black women, the high STD rate, the $5 net-worth, and so on. In order for all these things to be explained, there must be some culprit(s) that has enslaved the black American woman mentally, physically, sexually and socially. Otherwise she's just a lazy, shiftless, promiscous, moralless, irresponsible woman, right?

For part 1 of this post I am going to discuss a few of the main tenets of BAFVI and show how these often baseless claims are what drives most black women's entitlement, selfishness and narcissism.

Tenet 1: "Black women have been the backbone of the community. We are the ones who do all of the "work" to keep the community afloat."

Ok, let's see. Having babies to keep the numbers of born African Americans above 6% (which is where we'd be if we had an OOW birthrate closer to whites) is not "work". The only absolute proof of the "work" black women have done is the birthrate of fully black children. Every other stat or number actually shows that black women are not only doing less "work" than women of other races, they are doing far less "work" than their grandmothers and great-grandmothers. Black kids are fatter, dumber and more socially volatile than EVER. Each of these areas is controlled by the MOTHER. Women feed, educate and nurture.

What other work could they possibly be talking about? Let's move on to tenet 2.

Tenet 2: "Black women are the main financial and social resource in the black community."

Let's look at the institutions within the black community to get a clearer picture:

The black church - most African American churches have predominate or sole black memberships. The majority of the members of black churches are older black men and women. Most black churches provide community programs that directly benefit black women and their children. Day camps, schools, housing, food programs, toy drives, etc. These resources that the churches provide are funded primarily BY black women FOR other black women. Women by nature are social creatures. We also like to help people and try and provide safe, nurturing places for young people. The fact that black women are being chastised for doing this just goes to show how far away from normal, basic FEMININE BEHAVIOR black women have gotten. Now all the church ladies are being called mammies because they are trying to help Tamika's kids. In most functioning communities women are the ones that do that kind of work. We are the ones that volunteer, take in wayward kids, raise money for schools, etc. Perhaps some of these older black women feel guilty about how they lived their life and are using their work in the church to redeem themselves. Some of these women were "out there" back in the day. Just because a woman is old and sitting in a church pew doesn't mean she has spent her whole life on the up and up. There are a lot of women using the church to "wash their dirty drawls" and start over. But the pastor is supposed to help you find a man? The church is supposed to be where you can go and "clean up" and find a good, god-fearing man after you done let half of Harlem run up in you? Oh, ok. You're mad the pastor and male members are pimping you because they can sense a "ho in disguise"? Oh, ok.

Historically Black Colleges and Universities - I tried to google the giving patterns of HBCU alum but couldn't really find anything substantial. Statiscally, giving at HBCU's is lower than at white colleges and universities. This could be because HBCUs have lower graduation rates (with the exception of the "elite" HBCU's), smaller fundraising staff with limited resources and/or blacks aren't earning as much as whites post-graduation. Either way, blacks are not giving as much to the schools that helped them succeed and that is a tragedy. Black students need alum to give back. Anyway, most HBCU's receive some state funding but also receive a ton of money for their atheltic programs via ticket sales, corporate sponsorships and broadcast fees. Who is more likely to participate in athletics as a player in college? Black men's athelticism is a huge benefit to HBCU's as well as white colleges. While black women often dismiss black athletes it is those athletes that have helped many colleges and universities earn money. So now you can run around bragging about your little English degree thanks in part to Tyrone's jump shot.

Black businesses - The most durable black business is the black barber shop. We have already seen how black women are abadoning their black hairdresses to get "Dominican blowouts" and other styles. We have seen black women abandon their black hairdressers who for years were helping us grow our hair in healthy way for a quick fix (a pack of fake hair and some glue). I have yet to read an article on black men going to Latino men to get their haircuts. Most black men have and will always have black barbers. Other businesses like bookstores and clothing stores are supported mainly by women but that is how it is in ALL communities. Women shop! The majority of customers at bookstores and apparel stores are women. Again, black women want a cookie for things that other women don't even think twice about. When was the last time a white woman said "Barnes & Noble owes everything to us, we demand reciprocity!!" SMH.

The entitled nature of modern black women is part of the reason why many remain unmarried. It's very ironic that black women are shouting from the rooftops that there are no black men around who are willing to protect and provide for a black woman yet these same women have no problem micromanaging the behavior of the black male collective. This is just ass backwards. You want men to "step up" yet it has to be on your female terms? What man in his right mind wants to have to go through an "approval panel" before he picks his wife?

Black women feel that if they can create the illusion that a black man's resources came from them (and continue to come from them), then outsiders will think black men are ungrateful and have "abandoned" the women that made them who they are. Nevermind all the "ain't shit" black men out there who were also created by black women. They want to ignore those and only focus on the ones who are successful and have something to offer. See how they pick and choose which men are the result of their matriarchy? Successful black men are the result of legions of dark-skinned, wide-nosed black women toiling hard day and night for them while Pookie and Ray Ray are the result of an absent father.

There is no way modern black women can keep claiming they "love the brothers" when that "love" is so obviously conditional AND you are willing to scapegoat black men to form a racial alliance with white men. An alliance that is designed to decrease well-heeled black men's desirability thus making them more accessible to average black women.

In Part 2 I will discuss the following tenets:

"Black women are outpacing black men in all areas of life"

"Black men crave white flesh"

"Black men use black women for sex"

When "Anything but a BM" Fails

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I was on vacation in Hawaii for 5 days and just returned on Saturday. I spent a lot of time lounging and reading and people watching. Vacation spots are the best place to people watch because most folks are middle class and up and appear to be "normal" on the surface. Anyway, I noticed the couples vacationing and most were same-raced. There were a few interracial couples, mostly white men with asian women but there were also BM/WW and BW/WM. Ironically, the number of BW with WM was greater than BM with WW. The clucking hens would have been proud.

When I got home someone had emailed me this clip from the Today show featuring comedianne Sunda Croonquist:

Comedian Sunda Croonquist has been getting big laughs making ethnic-stereotype jokes about her husband’s family — but it’s no laughing matter for them. In fact, Croonquist’s Brooklyn-based mother-in-law has a zinger of her own for the former beauty-pageant queen from New Jersey: a defamation lawsuit.

This bi-racial woman married a jewish man and is now being sued by his mother for jokes she made at her expense.

Furious at being perpetual punch lines, Croonquist’s in-laws are seeking unspecified damages and demanding that the court force the comedian to remove offensive statements from her comedy act, Web site and recordings. They filed the suit after seeing material on Croonquist’s Web site, which they claim makes it easy to identify them as the butt of her jokes.

The comedian said her routine is a natural extension of her multiracial background, and that she bases many of her jokes on the natural culture-clash moments that occur within families of mixed backgrounds. “It’s my reality,” she told Roker.

On a more serious note, Croonquist said that despite her obvious commitment to Judaism, she has suffered through painful incidences of exclusion from her husband’s family. “It’s not been easy,” she told Roker. “I’ve been asked to step out of family photos. I guess I’m just not right for the bar mitzvah picture.”

The comedian said that she has been the brunt of her in-laws’ jokes as well. “They made jokes at my expense. Not on stage, but in temple.”

Now, I am not going to bash Sunda for her decision to marry interracially. I don't really care. But this story is a prime example of women thinking that because a man has "status" and can "provide a good life" he is a good catch. This man allowed obvious tensions between his family and his wife to go unchecked for 15 years! He ALLOWED his mother and family to make all kinds of slick remarks and jokes about his wife and didn't set an ultimatum. He was weak and spineless. He made bi-racial children with this woman yet did not defend her from attacks and forced her to use "humor" to deal with their racism. What advice would he have given his children on how to handle racists? Just shrug it off? Joke about it?

He claimed he was "surprised" by the lawsuit but bore witness to his family's treatment of his wife for years. My question is, how did it get to this point? How did the husband and wife become some delusional that they didn't see this coming?

I think it is also telling that Sunda is still just "laughing it off" and making jokes. I am sure the bloggers will say that this is just one case of Sunda not "vetting" a man carefully. So why isn't it just "one case" when a BM is violent towards a BW or just "one case" when a BW is in a low quality marriage to a BM?

The point is that men of ALL races will let you be the "man" in the relationship if he is so inclined. Any man will let you take the brunt of any situation if he sees that you are willing to self-sacrifice. Sunda's husband knew she would rather internalize the pain of having her in-laws not like her because she is black/bi-racial than kick him to the curb. Women with strong relationship skills, regardless of race, would have been OUT OF THAT MARRIAGE if the man wasn't able to protect her. Women with poor relationship skills, the majority of women, end up like Sunda to some degree.

Looking stupid on national television.

Support Those Who Support You, Right?

If black women are being "taught" to only support those who support us, how does that play into IR dating from both sides. Certainly black men can take the same argument to justify why many date outside the race, right? Folks need to be careful when talking about who supports whom.

From the Boycott Black Men website:

Are you sick of our black men that leave our race and marry outside our race profiting off the black community while they in turn, turn their backs on us?

This is actually an issue I have been meaning to discuss for some time. The red herring that black men who date outside their race still "use" black women for support. The idea being that black men reject black women but still "need them" to purchase products and services, give of their time, etc. The prevailing sentiment among some bloggers is that if black women were to stop doing this, black men would see how much they need black women and "come home".

Black Gender Separatist Tenet #1: Black women are so used and abused by black men that black men don't seem to see that without us, they would literally die in the streets. Furthermore, black women are much more equipped to craft the kind of community THEY want and we can do this without black men.

Let's examine this idea. Notice this person on BBM mentions black men who "profit" off the black community. This would mean any black man tied to an industry that primarily makes its money off blacks. I am trying to figure out what industry in America is supported mainly from black dollars. Outside of the hair care industry and check cashing/pay day loan establishments blacks cannot collectively keep any one industry afloat. A football player is not making his money off the black community since most blacks do not pay to go to professional football games. Blacks may purchase NFL apparel but they do not do it in numbers that would cause it to "collapse" if they took it away. Keep in mind that many black epople by bootleg sports apparel. I once went to a Baltimore Orioles game in college and the number of blacks in the stands compared to the number of blacks on the field was incredible. Black folks do not spend money on sports the way white people (and even Latinos) do. So a black football player who marries a white woman is in fact "taking care" of a woman from the community who supports his livelihood. In essence, it is the white community who is funding his ability to take care of "Becky", not the black community and certainly not black women. So, what about men who are not in professional sports?

OK, let's take a corporate black man who works for a company like Northop Gruman. This black man is an engineer with an advanced degree. He attended prestigious colleges and universities on scholarships. He is, on the surface, a perfect "equal opportunity" candidate. Perhaps he represents the company's "diversity' initiatives and gives speeches to black kids about his job. Now if it was revealed that this man had a nonblack wife, how exactly did black women support him in his efforts? Outside of this man's black mother and black female relatives, he probably has been "supported" by far more whites than blacks. Mainly because blacks are not in the position to hire, mentor, develop or train talent in many industries. So the 5 or 10 black women in his life who may have helped him achieve success does not discredit the 10-20 whites who were also involved. Where should this man's "loyalties" lie? With the women who reared him (which was their responsibility)? Or should he be "allowed" to make his own choices about who he wants to spend his life with?

The music industry is the same way. I remember when Herbie Hancock won his Grammy a lot of black women were furious to find out that he had a white wife, as if they all had 5 copies of his CD in their collection and had spent years following him around the world on tour! I asked one BW why she was so mad and she said that he had "made a career off being black". I asked her what she meant by that and she said that he was a black man who profited off blackness. Again, I asked her what she meant by "profited off his blackness" and she refused to answer. She kept tossing out generic phrases like "he wants to be black when it suits him." I then asked her when was he not black and she said when he chose a white woman. I also asked her how many Herbie Hancock CD's she owned and she said none.

Many BW do not support the BM they despise for dating outside of their race. Let's look at sum very famous black men married to nonblack women and see just how black women "support" these men:

Kobe Bryant:

Like I said before, black women DO NOT purchase tickets to professional sporting events in large numbers. The only "support" I see possible is purchasing gear for their children or male relatives. The majority of Kobe's money is made from endorsements of products not at all geared towards black women (sneakers, Gatorade, etc.)

Seal:

Seal's biggest hit song was "Kiss from a Rose" from one of the Batman films. He also has had a string of successful pop songs and is well-known internationally. His marriage to Heidi Klum has been more talked about than his music but he is still a very popular artist. Seal performs all over the world which is primarily how he makes his money. How many African-American women have paid money for a CD or concert ticket? How have they supported him to the point where he would feel "obligated" to marry a black woman?

Taye Diggs:

Taye Diggs has never once been in a blockbuster film and has had numerous failed television shows. Much of his success came from starring in a few black movies in the late 90's early 2000's alongside other black female actresses. So couldn't we say that the black women he starred in films with (Angela Bassett, Sanaa Lathan, Nia Long) were a HUGE draw for black women, perhaps even more than Taye himself. Because the films in which he starred without black women (Go, House on Haunted Hill, Rent) didn't do nearly as well. So black women were supporting him in projects that also SUPPORTED THEM (black love stories) but not in anything that did not directly PROMOTE THEM. So what does he owe black women again?

There are just a few examples but you catch my drift. If black women never went to another Laker game or purchased a Seal concert ticket or watched a Taye Diggs film, their careers would still thrive or not. Threatening and shaming men is not the answer and it never has been. Industries suppressed solely on the backs of black women tend to have nothing to do with black men. Black women do not make up the majority of any serious industry outside of haircare. And last I checked, there weren't many heterosexual black men in that field.

Let's try to have honest dialogue about black male/female relationships and what is lacking on both sides. Shaming and guilting hasn't worked in thirty years and it never will.

We need to BREED them out

Singing about oral sex with children on stage.

This can't be real.

OH NO THEY DIDNT!!!

Racist, realistic or just a commercial? Do yourself a favor and SKIP the comment section at World Star Hip Hop - it'll make you nauseous.

However, black women need to really take a moment and think about why this commercial was written. pitched, accepted, filmed and aired. There were NUMEROUS whites who signed off on this before we ever saw it. Not black men, WHITE men and women.

Personally, I know quite a few black women like the ones in this ad - with degrees.

Just sayin'.

Don't Tase Me Bro-gate '09!

LOL, white folks waste no time exploiting.

I have been commenting on a few blogs about Gates, so I am not going to rehash it here. Basically, this fool (YEAH I SAID IT) thought he could "knuck" at a cop because he is special and knows the President. Too bad officer Crowley doesn't watch "African American Lives" or "Black in America" so he didn't know who his ass was.

Let this be a lesson to all those who feel like proclaiming black solidarity when they feel like it but espouse "racial inclusion" and "love thy neighbor" when it suits them (mainly when they want to date/mate outside the race): yelling at a white cop after he asks you for ID does not make you "gully". You will not get a picture next to MLK on my Grandmother's wall. You will not get an elementary school named after you or a chance to hold the Heisman trophy.

All you will get is some air time on cable news and a mugshot that will live on forever.