Some Potential Questions

I've decided to do a FAQ (or questions I assume some may have) about this blog:

What is this blog about?

This blog is the place where I write about dating, marriage, relationships and all things related (beauty, social customs, stereotypes) in the African-American community. I will focus on "other" blacks from time to time when relevant. And sometimes nonblacks as well.

Why did you name it "Rashida, Rashida"?

Well for starters, that's my name. Actually, it's my middle name but it's the name I have chosen to go by publicly. I like it.

Secondly, I imagine many folks shaking their heads and muttering "Rashida, Rashida" when they read the blog. In fact, if you asked my parents they would say they spent a lot of my childhood shaking their heads and going, "Rashida, Rashida". LOL.

I also once wrote a song called "Rashida, Rashida" when I was a kid. It was about a young black girl who had a crush on a boy but he was smitten with another girl who was much more carefree, spirited and sassy than she was. The girl was named Rashida. :)

Are you biased against black women?

Yes and no. I am a black woman who has a tremendous amount of respect and love for my fellow sisters. However, I am not blind, deaf, or dumb. I try to look at many of the complaints from both sides and in all honestly I tend to side with the men more. Not because I am some brainwashed, man-identified "mammy", but because men tend to make more rational arguments and are much more willing to take responsibility for their actions and the results of those actions. Now, some may disagree on what "taking responsibility" actually means but that's why we debate.

Do you not want black women to be happy?!

Absolutely. Happy people make the world a better place. The happier folks are, the better MY quality of life will be. So of course I want black women to be happy. What I don't want is for black women to be in the position of having to date men they don't really want to date because their reputation in regards to relationships is extremely poor. I don't think black women realize that it is almost universally believed that black women make horrible mates. Black women are attractive, educated, hard-working, funny, etc. But when it comes to DATING and MARRIAGE, the adjectives used aren't so flattering: demanding, argumentative, combative, rigid, cold, etc. Until we start addressing why so many people view us this way and the ways in which we project these ideas we will continue to be unpartnered. Except those who want to date out and then well, they can try their luck.

Women of other races have "issues" and those same negative qualities, why are they married?

Because they are nicer in relationships and more understanding.

That's not true, they are just as mean to their men as black women are stereotyped to be!!

Most black women say this having never had any romantic experience with a)women and b)women who aren't black. There is a difference in behavior and more of a willingness to support a man emotionally and "work with him". Black women do not like doing this - they see this as being weak.

Why should black women support a no-good black man?

Never said they should.

Yes you did, you said black women don't support their men.

I said black women don't take care of a man's emotional needs and are typically unwilling to work with him through difficulties whether it be personal or professional.

What about ALL those black women who support those loser black men/DBR/baby daddy/unemployed thug types?

Those women are stupid. And they typically are not supporting that man they are emasculating him and complaining every step of the way. It is RARE that a black woman is a doormat for ANY type of man.

Not true, if black women weren't doormats why do they put up with so much crap from black men?

Because they do not want the challenge of dealing with a man who is going to make them "step up". So they date men who are in no position to call them out on their poor behaviors.

Good black men don't want black women, they want to date light/bright/white!!!

Some black men of all class levels prefer light/bright/white women. That is their choice. If they do not want to date you, that is their choice. There are good black men in all class levels who do not like light/bright/white women. They have the ability to choose and no one calls them out on it.

Black men have bashed black women for decades when they date out, why don't you call them out on it?

Some black men who date out have had to JUSTIFY why they do so and in their justification they have made statements about black women's behavior or their appearance. This is usually after they have been belittled and accused of all types of stuff from self-hate to homosexuality. Black women PROJECT a lot onto black men who date out and rarely accept his answer let alone respect his answer.

Only the loser black males like dark-skinned women because they know they have low self esteem and are using them!!

Uhhhm, OK. Not all dark-skinned women have low self esteem and some prefer men who aren't dark like them.

Whatever, black men are DAMAGED BEYOND REPAIR and you should be helping black girls see that they don't need them instead of being a slave catcher!!

LOL.