Black Women's Promiscuity - Our Dirty Little Secret

If you visit many black blogs devoted to covering entertainment, gossip, lifestyle issues, etc. you will often see a common thread in the comments section. Black women commenters lamenting about how "whorish" and "loose" and "nasty" nonblack (particularly white) women are. The public sentiments of many black women is that nonblack women are far more sexually promiscuous than black women (hence why an increasing number of black men are entering committed and non committed relationships with them). Cuz uhm, all you negroes want is a hole to stick it in cuz you're savages, animals, etc.

I truly believe that black women actually think this is true. White women are portrayed in the media as being sexy, attractive, sexual, feminine and the object of desire. It would only stand to reason that these women are portrayed this way because they are just oozing sex and very open to sex with just about anyone, anytime, anywhere. I think most black women believe that the experiences of the "Girls Gone Wild" type of white women is indicative of all white women. College-aged white women that participate in "spring break" type sexual activities are not the norm among white women. If it were, white women would probably find a hard time finding men to take them seriously, right? I think another reason for the stereotype of the "wanton white woman" is because white women were on the front lines of the sexual revolution. They were publicly pushing for birth control, sexual liberation and sexual freedom for women. It was this sexual social activism that helped permanently brand white women as sexually loose and irresponsible - mainly by white men that felt that this new found liberation would have only negative consequences. You can decide for yourself if they were right.

Anyway, I remember Joe Francis from "Girls Gone Wild" was on Tyra Banks' talk show and he said that the only reason there were no black girls on GGW was because the black girls wanted to be PAID for their appearance. There was never a lack of black girls willing to make out with each other, get naked or simulate sex - they just wanted cash for it. I think this is an important point. Nonblack women are often called whores by black women because they "do it for free" or "get nothing in return" or they are having sex with a black man (automatically makes her a whore, no matter what). Since most black women do not go to college (especially with white women) and most do not have friendships with white women it is amazing how so many can attest to the sexual behaviors of women they don't really know. However if white women were to make blanket claims about black women being whores, well, we all know all hell would break loose. Black women would accuse white women of trying to sabotage their dating opportunities by labeling them as promiscuous. It is ok for black women to undercut the femininity of other women (we are on the bottom, you see) but everyone else is supposed to create a level playing field.

But in a way our "underdog" status has actually worked to our advantage....

Since black women are not portrayed as sexy, attractive, feminine and desirable it is easy for us to claim that we are not promiscuous as other groups. The "hottentot venus" image was created by racist whites therefore any commentary on our sexual behaviors stems from racism. And unlike black men who "embrace all the sexual stereotypes about them" black women tend to deny them and attribute them to racism or black men. Decades of deflection, denial and fat out LYING has led to the myth of the "chaste black woman who is used, abused and exploited by black men and racist whites" becoming a popular talking point. Black women are either having sex with men we don't want to have sex with due to indoctrination, we are being raped, we are being manipulated, we have no control over our bodies, we are letting black men hit it raw because we are afraid we'll lose them, etc. Yet many black women will loudly proclaim they "got that good-good" or "they can make a ni**a scream!". We are so out of control in our sex lives but at the same time we have mastered making a man feel good. Men who want us for sex are buying into racist stereotypes, but we will gladly own up to the fact that only "we" know how to really satisfy a man. A lot of cognitive dissonance at play here.

When no one is paying attention to what you're doing, you can pretty much do anything. Most other groups have no interest in our sexual behaviors outside of the negative societal affects of out of wedlock parenting. The truth is, the results of our sexual behaviors have encroached upon others. Whereas the results of the GGW white women have not. White and asian women's sexual activity has not resulted into a burden on taxpayers, the public school system, law enforcement and communities. Also, white women's (and a growing number of Asian women's) sexual behavior is POLICED by white men. Black men have never had the ability to police anything black women do, especially when it comes to sex. Black women could be raped with impunity and black men were pretty much powerless to stop it. Yet white men could forbid a white woman from even looking at a black man. White men have always placed boundaries on white women's sexuality, even after the sexual revolution. They still do. White women are not sexually liberated, they are liberated for white men to use however they see fit, trade in for younger models, ridicule and mock, etc.

Decades of black women being able to hide behind the "no good niggas leaving us with babies" and "all black men want white women eventually" left us pretty much uncriticzed. We were the perpetual victims of weak men that would rather drink on the corner all day then get a job and provide for us. We could f*ck and s*ck all day long because any negative results could be blamed on black men. We have always had the perfect scapegoat. White women, on the other hand, have always had to cleverly balance their criticisms of white male sexism and misogyny with the knowledge that they still need those men. White women could never and have never thrown white men under the bus completely. Unless the woman is a lesbian (Rosie O'donnell type) she is not going to do that.

But once we started getting reports on lack of marriage, abortions and HIV among heterosexual black women the conversation started to change. Suddenly what a good number of black men had been saying for quite some time was being played out in various statistics: Black women are far more "hypergamous" than other women. It is this wanton hypergamy that has led to a minority of black men completely controlling the dating/mating market in the black community. Before feminism, women were not allowed to express their hypergamy because it was looked at shamefully. If a man was a decent man and he showed through his actions that he would make a good husband and father, a woman was encouraged to "jump on it". Men understood that in order to have access to frequent sex they were going to have to marry. These two ideals made marriage necessary and made both men and women commit to the institution. Hypergamy was not acceptable since most women were willing to accept "average" men as being worthy of their affection. Hypergamy leads to promiscuity because the more women that are in competition for a shrinking pool of males, the more the women will need to put out. Lots and lots of black women are having lots and lots of sex with different men in an effort to "lock one down". But she is being undercut by her fellow sisters who also want the same man. So she must add another possible man to her rotation who also has a series of women on his speed dial. Lather, rinse, repeat. Keep in mind the men range in socioeconomic status. "Keyshia" may exercise hypergamy amongst the ex-cons, dope boys and block huggers while "Pamela" may exercise hypergamy amongst the various educated, resourceful men in her social circle. "Tonya" may exercise hypergamy among the baller-type men who are in HER circle. Either way, there are only a handful of circles that black men

can be in to have access to commitment-free sex. And most men are locked out for various reasons.

The created "male shortage", which really means a shortage of men that black women want to have sex with, has led to women "having" to share men and "being left" with babies while select men move from woman to woman. Black women's behavior in SELECTING mates directly affects our sexual behavior. If you cast a wide net for men, as the woman you can carefully work your way through your choices since a good number of those men will simply be flattered that you're even interested. You will not need to sleep with a lot of men and play "Russian Roulette" with your vagina. Some men may have a ton of women waiting in line, and you will know this fairly quickly, so you can choose to let him move along or you can decide to get in the back of the line and wait. Most men are not "Mack Daddies". Most men do not have a steady rotation of women they can just screw whenever they want. Most men have to put concentrated effort into getting sex. ANY SEX. Some may lie and pretend like all they have to do is look at a girl but we all know that is not true. Most men put in "work" and women need to understand when you are being "worked for sex" versus a genuine interest in a relationship. Many black women take being "worked for sex" as genuine interest because they desperately want a certain type of man. Behavior they would deem unacceptable from an undesirable man would be the "keys to the coochie" for the type of man they want. Many black women will flat out admit that certain men do not turn them on sexually and therefore they are not going to give those man a chance. But if a man says that he is not attracted to a woman, FOR WHATEVER REASON, he is shallow, insecure, borderline gay, etc.

I don't agree with the mantra that "all black women want thugs" but I do think that black women have a very narrow view of what a dominant man is. Even the most educated of black women have this view. If a man does not appear to be able to be "alpha-dominant" he is going to have a hard time getting attention from black women. Black men that fall outside that acceptable "alpha" paradigm often find themselves questioning whether it is them or the women they are surrounded by. Especially if said man can see that "other" men can have a varying range of personalities, quirks, etc. and still have women treat them with respect. This is why the BWE bloggers say black women need to be reprogrammed. On this point they are spot on. In order for black women to even consider nonblack men as mates, most of them would have to completely change their thought patterns on masculinity. The same thought patterns that have kept an ever increasing number of black men searching for their own "something new".

Black American Female Victim Ideology - Part 1

Let's face it, the Black Women Empowerment movement is nothing without the black American female victim ideology. If African American women are not victims of black male oppression and hatred, then we really have nothing to discuss. After years of blaming white people for the social, political and financial failings of African Americans post civil rights, black women are now trying to distance themselves from the black community by turning on the community and the only other members in it (the men). Without black men, there would be no excuse for the 70% out-of-wedlock birthrate, the low birthrate among married black women, the high STD rate, the $5 net-worth, and so on. In order for all these things to be explained, there must be some culprit(s) that has enslaved the black American woman mentally, physically, sexually and socially. Otherwise she's just a lazy, shiftless, promiscous, moralless, irresponsible woman, right?

For part 1 of this post I am going to discuss a few of the main tenets of BAFVI and show how these often baseless claims are what drives most black women's entitlement, selfishness and narcissism.

Tenet 1: "Black women have been the backbone of the community. We are the ones who do all of the "work" to keep the community afloat."

Ok, let's see. Having babies to keep the numbers of born African Americans above 6% (which is where we'd be if we had an OOW birthrate closer to whites) is not "work". The only absolute proof of the "work" black women have done is the birthrate of fully black children. Every other stat or number actually shows that black women are not only doing less "work" than women of other races, they are doing far less "work" than their grandmothers and great-grandmothers. Black kids are fatter, dumber and more socially volatile than EVER. Each of these areas is controlled by the MOTHER. Women feed, educate and nurture.

What other work could they possibly be talking about? Let's move on to tenet 2.

Tenet 2: "Black women are the main financial and social resource in the black community."

Let's look at the institutions within the black community to get a clearer picture:

The black church - most African American churches have predominate or sole black memberships. The majority of the members of black churches are older black men and women. Most black churches provide community programs that directly benefit black women and their children. Day camps, schools, housing, food programs, toy drives, etc. These resources that the churches provide are funded primarily BY black women FOR other black women. Women by nature are social creatures. We also like to help people and try and provide safe, nurturing places for young people. The fact that black women are being chastised for doing this just goes to show how far away from normal, basic FEMININE BEHAVIOR black women have gotten. Now all the church ladies are being called mammies because they are trying to help Tamika's kids. In most functioning communities women are the ones that do that kind of work. We are the ones that volunteer, take in wayward kids, raise money for schools, etc. Perhaps some of these older black women feel guilty about how they lived their life and are using their work in the church to redeem themselves. Some of these women were "out there" back in the day. Just because a woman is old and sitting in a church pew doesn't mean she has spent her whole life on the up and up. There are a lot of women using the church to "wash their dirty drawls" and start over. But the pastor is supposed to help you find a man? The church is supposed to be where you can go and "clean up" and find a good, god-fearing man after you done let half of Harlem run up in you? Oh, ok. You're mad the pastor and male members are pimping you because they can sense a "ho in disguise"? Oh, ok.

Historically Black Colleges and Universities - I tried to google the giving patterns of HBCU alum but couldn't really find anything substantial. Statiscally, giving at HBCU's is lower than at white colleges and universities. This could be because HBCUs have lower graduation rates (with the exception of the "elite" HBCU's), smaller fundraising staff with limited resources and/or blacks aren't earning as much as whites post-graduation. Either way, blacks are not giving as much to the schools that helped them succeed and that is a tragedy. Black students need alum to give back. Anyway, most HBCU's receive some state funding but also receive a ton of money for their atheltic programs via ticket sales, corporate sponsorships and broadcast fees. Who is more likely to participate in athletics as a player in college? Black men's athelticism is a huge benefit to HBCU's as well as white colleges. While black women often dismiss black athletes it is those athletes that have helped many colleges and universities earn money. So now you can run around bragging about your little English degree thanks in part to Tyrone's jump shot.

Black businesses - The most durable black business is the black barber shop. We have already seen how black women are abadoning their black hairdresses to get "Dominican blowouts" and other styles. We have seen black women abandon their black hairdressers who for years were helping us grow our hair in healthy way for a quick fix (a pack of fake hair and some glue). I have yet to read an article on black men going to Latino men to get their haircuts. Most black men have and will always have black barbers. Other businesses like bookstores and clothing stores are supported mainly by women but that is how it is in ALL communities. Women shop! The majority of customers at bookstores and apparel stores are women. Again, black women want a cookie for things that other women don't even think twice about. When was the last time a white woman said "Barnes & Noble owes everything to us, we demand reciprocity!!" SMH.

The entitled nature of modern black women is part of the reason why many remain unmarried. It's very ironic that black women are shouting from the rooftops that there are no black men around who are willing to protect and provide for a black woman yet these same women have no problem micromanaging the behavior of the black male collective. This is just ass backwards. You want men to "step up" yet it has to be on your female terms? What man in his right mind wants to have to go through an "approval panel" before he picks his wife?

Black women feel that if they can create the illusion that a black man's resources came from them (and continue to come from them), then outsiders will think black men are ungrateful and have "abandoned" the women that made them who they are. Nevermind all the "ain't shit" black men out there who were also created by black women. They want to ignore those and only focus on the ones who are successful and have something to offer. See how they pick and choose which men are the result of their matriarchy? Successful black men are the result of legions of dark-skinned, wide-nosed black women toiling hard day and night for them while Pookie and Ray Ray are the result of an absent father.

There is no way modern black women can keep claiming they "love the brothers" when that "love" is so obviously conditional AND you are willing to scapegoat black men to form a racial alliance with white men. An alliance that is designed to decrease well-heeled black men's desirability thus making them more accessible to average black women.

In Part 2 I will discuss the following tenets:

"Black women are outpacing black men in all areas of life"

"Black men crave white flesh"

"Black men use black women for sex"

When "Anything but a BM" Fails

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I was on vacation in Hawaii for 5 days and just returned on Saturday. I spent a lot of time lounging and reading and people watching. Vacation spots are the best place to people watch because most folks are middle class and up and appear to be "normal" on the surface. Anyway, I noticed the couples vacationing and most were same-raced. There were a few interracial couples, mostly white men with asian women but there were also BM/WW and BW/WM. Ironically, the number of BW with WM was greater than BM with WW. The clucking hens would have been proud.

When I got home someone had emailed me this clip from the Today show featuring comedianne Sunda Croonquist:

Comedian Sunda Croonquist has been getting big laughs making ethnic-stereotype jokes about her husband’s family — but it’s no laughing matter for them. In fact, Croonquist’s Brooklyn-based mother-in-law has a zinger of her own for the former beauty-pageant queen from New Jersey: a defamation lawsuit.

This bi-racial woman married a jewish man and is now being sued by his mother for jokes she made at her expense.

Furious at being perpetual punch lines, Croonquist’s in-laws are seeking unspecified damages and demanding that the court force the comedian to remove offensive statements from her comedy act, Web site and recordings. They filed the suit after seeing material on Croonquist’s Web site, which they claim makes it easy to identify them as the butt of her jokes.

The comedian said her routine is a natural extension of her multiracial background, and that she bases many of her jokes on the natural culture-clash moments that occur within families of mixed backgrounds. “It’s my reality,” she told Roker.

On a more serious note, Croonquist said that despite her obvious commitment to Judaism, she has suffered through painful incidences of exclusion from her husband’s family. “It’s not been easy,” she told Roker. “I’ve been asked to step out of family photos. I guess I’m just not right for the bar mitzvah picture.”

The comedian said that she has been the brunt of her in-laws’ jokes as well. “They made jokes at my expense. Not on stage, but in temple.”

Now, I am not going to bash Sunda for her decision to marry interracially. I don't really care. But this story is a prime example of women thinking that because a man has "status" and can "provide a good life" he is a good catch. This man allowed obvious tensions between his family and his wife to go unchecked for 15 years! He ALLOWED his mother and family to make all kinds of slick remarks and jokes about his wife and didn't set an ultimatum. He was weak and spineless. He made bi-racial children with this woman yet did not defend her from attacks and forced her to use "humor" to deal with their racism. What advice would he have given his children on how to handle racists? Just shrug it off? Joke about it?

He claimed he was "surprised" by the lawsuit but bore witness to his family's treatment of his wife for years. My question is, how did it get to this point? How did the husband and wife become some delusional that they didn't see this coming?

I think it is also telling that Sunda is still just "laughing it off" and making jokes. I am sure the bloggers will say that this is just one case of Sunda not "vetting" a man carefully. So why isn't it just "one case" when a BM is violent towards a BW or just "one case" when a BW is in a low quality marriage to a BM?

The point is that men of ALL races will let you be the "man" in the relationship if he is so inclined. Any man will let you take the brunt of any situation if he sees that you are willing to self-sacrifice. Sunda's husband knew she would rather internalize the pain of having her in-laws not like her because she is black/bi-racial than kick him to the curb. Women with strong relationship skills, regardless of race, would have been OUT OF THAT MARRIAGE if the man wasn't able to protect her. Women with poor relationship skills, the majority of women, end up like Sunda to some degree.

Looking stupid on national television.

Support Those Who Support You, Right?

If black women are being "taught" to only support those who support us, how does that play into IR dating from both sides. Certainly black men can take the same argument to justify why many date outside the race, right? Folks need to be careful when talking about who supports whom.

From the Boycott Black Men website:

Are you sick of our black men that leave our race and marry outside our race profiting off the black community while they in turn, turn their backs on us?

This is actually an issue I have been meaning to discuss for some time. The red herring that black men who date outside their race still "use" black women for support. The idea being that black men reject black women but still "need them" to purchase products and services, give of their time, etc. The prevailing sentiment among some bloggers is that if black women were to stop doing this, black men would see how much they need black women and "come home".

Black Gender Separatist Tenet #1: Black women are so used and abused by black men that black men don't seem to see that without us, they would literally die in the streets. Furthermore, black women are much more equipped to craft the kind of community THEY want and we can do this without black men.

Let's examine this idea. Notice this person on BBM mentions black men who "profit" off the black community. This would mean any black man tied to an industry that primarily makes its money off blacks. I am trying to figure out what industry in America is supported mainly from black dollars. Outside of the hair care industry and check cashing/pay day loan establishments blacks cannot collectively keep any one industry afloat. A football player is not making his money off the black community since most blacks do not pay to go to professional football games. Blacks may purchase NFL apparel but they do not do it in numbers that would cause it to "collapse" if they took it away. Keep in mind that many black epople by bootleg sports apparel. I once went to a Baltimore Orioles game in college and the number of blacks in the stands compared to the number of blacks on the field was incredible. Black folks do not spend money on sports the way white people (and even Latinos) do. So a black football player who marries a white woman is in fact "taking care" of a woman from the community who supports his livelihood. In essence, it is the white community who is funding his ability to take care of "Becky", not the black community and certainly not black women. So, what about men who are not in professional sports?

OK, let's take a corporate black man who works for a company like Northop Gruman. This black man is an engineer with an advanced degree. He attended prestigious colleges and universities on scholarships. He is, on the surface, a perfect "equal opportunity" candidate. Perhaps he represents the company's "diversity' initiatives and gives speeches to black kids about his job. Now if it was revealed that this man had a nonblack wife, how exactly did black women support him in his efforts? Outside of this man's black mother and black female relatives, he probably has been "supported" by far more whites than blacks. Mainly because blacks are not in the position to hire, mentor, develop or train talent in many industries. So the 5 or 10 black women in his life who may have helped him achieve success does not discredit the 10-20 whites who were also involved. Where should this man's "loyalties" lie? With the women who reared him (which was their responsibility)? Or should he be "allowed" to make his own choices about who he wants to spend his life with?

The music industry is the same way. I remember when Herbie Hancock won his Grammy a lot of black women were furious to find out that he had a white wife, as if they all had 5 copies of his CD in their collection and had spent years following him around the world on tour! I asked one BW why she was so mad and she said that he had "made a career off being black". I asked her what she meant by that and she said that he was a black man who profited off blackness. Again, I asked her what she meant by "profited off his blackness" and she refused to answer. She kept tossing out generic phrases like "he wants to be black when it suits him." I then asked her when was he not black and she said when he chose a white woman. I also asked her how many Herbie Hancock CD's she owned and she said none.

Many BW do not support the BM they despise for dating outside of their race. Let's look at sum very famous black men married to nonblack women and see just how black women "support" these men:

Kobe Bryant:

Like I said before, black women DO NOT purchase tickets to professional sporting events in large numbers. The only "support" I see possible is purchasing gear for their children or male relatives. The majority of Kobe's money is made from endorsements of products not at all geared towards black women (sneakers, Gatorade, etc.)

Seal:

Seal's biggest hit song was "Kiss from a Rose" from one of the Batman films. He also has had a string of successful pop songs and is well-known internationally. His marriage to Heidi Klum has been more talked about than his music but he is still a very popular artist. Seal performs all over the world which is primarily how he makes his money. How many African-American women have paid money for a CD or concert ticket? How have they supported him to the point where he would feel "obligated" to marry a black woman?

Taye Diggs:

Taye Diggs has never once been in a blockbuster film and has had numerous failed television shows. Much of his success came from starring in a few black movies in the late 90's early 2000's alongside other black female actresses. So couldn't we say that the black women he starred in films with (Angela Bassett, Sanaa Lathan, Nia Long) were a HUGE draw for black women, perhaps even more than Taye himself. Because the films in which he starred without black women (Go, House on Haunted Hill, Rent) didn't do nearly as well. So black women were supporting him in projects that also SUPPORTED THEM (black love stories) but not in anything that did not directly PROMOTE THEM. So what does he owe black women again?

There are just a few examples but you catch my drift. If black women never went to another Laker game or purchased a Seal concert ticket or watched a Taye Diggs film, their careers would still thrive or not. Threatening and shaming men is not the answer and it never has been. Industries suppressed solely on the backs of black women tend to have nothing to do with black men. Black women do not make up the majority of any serious industry outside of haircare. And last I checked, there weren't many heterosexual black men in that field.

Let's try to have honest dialogue about black male/female relationships and what is lacking on both sides. Shaming and guilting hasn't worked in thirty years and it never will.

We need to BREED them out

Singing about oral sex with children on stage.

This can't be real.

OH NO THEY DIDNT!!!

Racist, realistic or just a commercial? Do yourself a favor and SKIP the comment section at World Star Hip Hop - it'll make you nauseous.

However, black women need to really take a moment and think about why this commercial was written. pitched, accepted, filmed and aired. There were NUMEROUS whites who signed off on this before we ever saw it. Not black men, WHITE men and women.

Personally, I know quite a few black women like the ones in this ad - with degrees.

Just sayin'.

Don't Tase Me Bro-gate '09!

LOL, white folks waste no time exploiting.

I have been commenting on a few blogs about Gates, so I am not going to rehash it here. Basically, this fool (YEAH I SAID IT) thought he could "knuck" at a cop because he is special and knows the President. Too bad officer Crowley doesn't watch "African American Lives" or "Black in America" so he didn't know who his ass was.

Let this be a lesson to all those who feel like proclaiming black solidarity when they feel like it but espouse "racial inclusion" and "love thy neighbor" when it suits them (mainly when they want to date/mate outside the race): yelling at a white cop after he asks you for ID does not make you "gully". You will not get a picture next to MLK on my Grandmother's wall. You will not get an elementary school named after you or a chance to hold the Heisman trophy.

All you will get is some air time on cable news and a mugshot that will live on forever.

According to some BW: White Men & Black Men aren't equal

Why is it that every other group of men in the world are allowed to state their preferences and black men aren't?

For example, my husband has a number of white male colleagues at work. Many of these guys are in their late 20's, early 30's and are either married or looking to settle down. They talk about the process of selecting women like picking out a car or a home: they have very specific requirements, some they are willing to pass on and some they absolutely MUST have. This includes everything from looks to education to personality.

So why is it that black women want to take this power away from BLACK men but accept the fact that WHITE men can be choosy.

Let me give some examples:

White man: I do not date overweight women. I feel that women tend to gain weight after childbearing so I rater date someone who is already in shape or is midnful of the need to exercise.

Black women: Mmmmm hmm, that makes a lot of sense. I need to go 'head and get my workout routine going. It is important to be healthy.

Black man: I do not want to wife a chick who is big. I want a chick with a little waist and a big booty.

Black women: YOU ARE A MISOGYNIST and a BLACK FEMALE RACIST.
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White man: I like a woman who is confident and sexy.

Black woman: *nods*

Black man: I want a chick who is confident and sexy.

Black woman: YOU ARE A MISOGYNIST.
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White man: I need a woman who has some basic domestic skills. It is important to know how to keep a house clean. I will not get serious about a woman who keeps a dirty home.

Black woman: Mmm hmm, it is so sad that women have lost the desire to take care of their home.

Black man: I need a chick who can burn in the kitchen!

Black woman: YOU WANT A SLAVE AND A MAID.
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White man: I don't really care how educated a woman is. I am not looking for someone to take care of me. I just want someone who will raise my kids to love learning and be smart.

Black woman: I know, so many brothers just want to use women with education.

Black man: All them degrees you keep talking about is not what is going to attract me to you.

Black woman: YOU ARE TRYING TO KEEP BLACK WOMEN DOWN. You are JEALOUS that we are outpacing you in education. You don't want us to be better. YOU HATE US.
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White man: I do not date women I am not attracted to.

Black women: That is fair. No one should be with someone they are not attracted to.

Black man: I do not date women I am not attracted to.

Black woman: YOU ARE A BLACK RACIST. You should embrace all black women and consider all of them worthy of marriage.
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White man: I would never date a feminazi. Those chicks scare me.

Black woman: OMG I know!

Black man: I will not date some overbearing, harsh, emasculating ball-buster.

Black woman: YOU HATE BLACK WOMEN!!
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White man: Some black women are just unattractive and masculine.

Black woman: I know! I keep telling those women to just be more feminine. I can see why men don't want to date them.

Black man: Some black women are just unattractive and masculine

Black woman: YOU HATE BLACK WOMEN
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Please feel free to add your own!

Can you protect without "protection"?

Have Black Men Lead the Community As Best They Could?


I was over at Black Conscious Thought when I came across an interesting comment on a post about the gender war in the black community:

The black man stood up to the white man, but what great effect could he accomplish without SUPERIOR ARMS? That's right. I'm talking about weapons. The american indians fought wars against the white man's rifle, using bow and arrows, and what became of them? They got pushed to the brink of oblivion. All of america belonged to them and they couldn't hold their turf. The black race in an alien world, and even without access to arms, has grown stronger than the indigenous people. If after all of this the black woman can say the black man is not a man, then what should the american indian woman say about her race of men?

I am not part of the American Indian community so I have no clue what Native American women think of their men. I do know that the Native community faces the same joblessness, substance abuse problems, poor education attainment, etc. as the black community. I do know that the Native community has decided to stick together despite all of their issues.

So if we are being honest and objective, would it be fair to say that despite the CURRENT state of the black community, African-Americans have done tremendously well post-slavery without any real source of power to fight racism and oppression? Despite our lack of firepower, African-Americans survived the brutality of the slave trade, Jim Crow, separate and unequal, "the war on drugs", etc. Toss in other issues such as liberal white feminist government policies, media-induced self-hatred and an education system which teaches minority students racial inferiority and it's easy to see why we have reached a precipice.

All of this "surviving" without an ability to "fight fire with fire" is an interesting idea to ponder. If Africans had access to weapons both on the continent and here in America, would we even be discussing the "issues" within the black community. If black men were able to match the weaponry of white men who bought and sold their women and children, would we even be debating whether black men can be "providers and protectors"?

Why So Serious?

I was talking to a friend over the weekend about her dating woes. She's 35, single, no kids, professional job, master's degree, etc etc. She and I talk a lot about BM/BW relationships (or lack thereof) and her frustrations with the dating scene in LA. Now, I love this girl as a true friend. She often asks me for my opinion and I usually give it to her straight, no chaser. So what I am writing is in no way "outing" her or anything like that.

My friend is overweight (by at least 20 lbs), dresses very matronly and is not at all approachable. She has a definite "black girl attitude" at times. She has gotten into arguments with some of her neighbors and has had issues with co-workers. She used to live in a predominantly Latino neighborhood and she would repeatedly make disparaging comments about Latinos and their habits. In her line of work she has to work with mostly whites, many of whom are gay. She often has something negative to say about the gay community, especially white gay males.

In my opinion my friend is what I would consider a "typical" black woman. Not because of her age, weight or single status, but because of her blatant prejudices and rigid set of requirements for practically everyone she comes in contact with. She has repeatedly stated thst she has "given up" on black men because they pay her no attention ("Can a brother just at least say HELLO??") and chase after white/asian/latino women. Now, I must say that the "swirl" is incredibly high here in Los Angeles. Not just BM/WW but WM with damn near everybody including some BW.

Anyway, when she and I talk I always bring up her negative attitude and how it probably affects her dating life. She of course will say that she is not always like that and she doesn't have attitude in relationships. She has gone out on only a handful of dates in the past few years, all with black men. One of the black men she dated was an aspiring artist who seemed nice enough but he said he didn't really have time for a serious relationship because of his career. LOL. I promptly handed her a copy of He's Just Not That Into You.

Another guy she dated was actually a friend of one of her college buddies. Now, let me lay out this dude's resume: Yale undergrad, UCLA grad, studied abroad, working on his own graphic design/communications firm, recruited to move to LA for film work, smart, interesting, likes going to concerts, etc. This dude would be a MAJOR score for ANY woman. The problem in her eyes? He is "weird" and "too nerdy" and just not R-I-G-H-T.

Yeah, I know.

Now, he isn't tall, dark and handsome but he was SUPER nice. Very firm handshake which is always a sign of confidence. But of course, she treated him like he was an annoying kid brother buzzing around. I was surprised he was still single but he was only 31 and said because he moved around a lot for work he didn't really have a chance to invest in a relationship. Fair enough. But it seemed like he was interested in finding one and with MY FRIEND. SMH.

My point in telling you all this is that my friend has a long list of men she would drop 20 lbs for and most of those men are in interracial relationships or it is unknown who they are dating. Many of the men she finds interesting are the educated, suit-wearing men who wear jeans and Timberlands on the weekends. No matter how much I try to tell her that that man does NOT exist or if he does he is already married to Beyonce, she still seems to think that he is out there and would be willing to date HER.

With all of her baggage, she still feels entitled to HER ideal man. My question is: Why do BW feel that if a man does not have ALL the characteristics she is looking for, he should be passed over?

Now, I am not talking about dating a man with a felony conviction and three baby mama's when you really want a lawyer who was a Rhodes scholar! Clearly you would be lowering your standards and possibly putting your life in danger. But if a man is a professional but maybe he is really into comic books and likes to eat cereal for dinner on occasion - why pass him up? Why not date him and enjoy letting loose and eating cereal for dinner every once and a while too?

Why the need for such rigid and strict requirements when it comes to love, the one thing that should be malleable and open to change? (men you can comment too!)

Live it. Learn it. Love it,

Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage - Theatrical Trailer from Tyler New Media on Vimeo.

I have decided to elevate this blog and leave the sellouts, clucking hens and miserable beings alone. Their hatred of themselves and black men doesn't hurt me in anyway nor should it hurt you. Let's let them be. Let them drown and flounder in their own pool of craziness. Let them continue to lead desperate women down a path of loneliness and isolation.

I plan to focus more on promoting healthy and positive relationships between black men and black women. Why devote time and energy to embarrassing women who clearly are not embarrassed? My mama taught me that my time is very valuable and so is yours.

We can really learn something from the "Something Old is New" movement and its dismantling. We can learn what NOT to do and how NOT to do it. We can learn that a community that is broken needs ALL HANDS ON DECK to fix and for those who want to "divest" and never look back, we bid you adieu. If you hang around "the negrosphere" a lot you can see that even online, black people don't really agree on how to "save" the collective. Many of the BW empowerment bloggers are facing internal strife. They will not be able to hold it together much longer. They all want to be the alpha female and be the "voice". The in-fighting has become public. Alliances that once seemed strong seem very weak now. Folks are PUBLICLY putting people on blast. The "professional" women are clasing with the baby mama's. The baby mama's don't like to be disrespected. They work hard to raise children alone and they want support. But the "professional" women think supporting them means they are advocating Keyshia get pregnant at 13. SMH.

For those of us who realize that much of the problems in the black community come down to perceptions, half truths and biased coverage we have a lot of work to do. This doesn't mean sacrificing one's own happiness or being a mule - it simply means being PRESENT and being an EXAMPLE. Remaining POSITIVE and maintaining an image of decency and self-respect despite what others (even those who look like us) think we should do.

I want you guys to check out a new documentary from the wonderful folks over at Black and Married with Kids. Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage.

I have a lot of material coming up. My husband is going to be out of town for work for like six days next so I will be bored with nothing to do but be on the internet, LOL.

Darkies in Love - No One Cares: NBA Edition

Chauncey Billups has won an NBA title, been finals MVP and has played for six different NBA teams. He has been married to his wife, Piper, since 2001. The couple have three daughters ages 11, 8 and 2. The two started dating back in high school where Chauncey was the star basketball player and Piper was a cheerleader.

Many black women will mention the "discrimination" black male athletes practice in the dating world. According to them most NBA/NFL players date either black women with light skin and long hair or non black women. According to them, "average-looking" black women don't stand a chance with these men. The truth is, the majority of black NBA players are married to regular looking black women. So why is it that most people (black and white) believe that professional athletes tend to only marry non black women?

On average, the media highlights and shows the black player's wife who is not African-American five times more than showing the African-American wife. This biased or selective coverage gives people the false impression that most black male athletes desire non black women or only consider those women suitable for marriage. A clear example of how the media distorts perceptions were illustrated during the 2000 NBA playoffs. When Shaquille O'Neal announced his engagement to Shaunie, the media did not cover the engagement, however when Kobe Bryant announced his engagement to a non-African-American, the media was abuzz with the story. Interracial relationships, particularly those involving black men and non black women, fascinate many - especially white men.

Detroit Pistons players Rasheed Wallace and Ben Wallace have black wives that the media rarely pans the camera on, they prefer to do features on these stars' mothers for some reason. Ben Wallace's wife decides if he will wear his hair in braids or an Afro before each game. She is such a huge, positive force in his life yet the media treats her like she is invisible. Ben Wallace follows in the tradition of Charles Oakley and graduated from Historically Black, Virginia Union University.



Another reason for the myth of black male athletes dating white women is due to the increasing number of biracial athletes and our exposure to their wife selection. Many in the black community identify with the bi-racial athletes (Shane Battier, Jason Kidd) because we realize white people don't accept them as white and since one of their parents is black we figure, "they're with us".





However bi-racial athletes almost never marry black women.

Basically, the number of professional athletes married to non-black women is roughly the same as regular black men married to non-black women.

It is our society's (male and female, black and white) rampant obsession with miscegenation and the products of those unions that fuel the media coverage.

Preying on insecurities for me, but not for thee!!

Supposing I wanted to make money of the insecurities of many African-American women in regards to dating and relationships. How would I go about trying to profit from their desperation, loneliness, frustration and bitterness? How would I sell myself as some "expert" or "teacher" without actually being an expert or teacher?

Well, I'd probably start out by surveying the current "market" I am attempting to poach. I'd collect all types of statistics that will bolster my arguments and opinions and frame the "revelation" as something that no one has said or heard before. I will display myself as a martyr, a lone beacon of light in an otherwise dark and cold world, a revolutionary - a Sojourner Truth type. In order to distinguish myself from the legions of others giving advice to black women, I will promote something "radical" and different and NEW.

I will basically do the same things that others have done for decades but promote myself as being better than them because I will "put black women and their desires first":

But before I do that, I just need y'all to pay $12.99 for my electronic book. It's really for your own good - I am not trying to make money off the fact that you're desperate and over 35 with a child out of wedlock.

Please ignore the fact that my graphics looks like something from 1995 and I use a plethora of mismatching fonts and my product looks like a "Fuck Effort" production. All the information you need is right here in this book of essays that I lifted from the blog you have already read. I disabled comments so that all the comments in the book will seem like "fresh and new" material. I will bait you with the belief that there is even more that I haven't "taught" you. Clearly you don't know how to find a man or keep him interested in you to the point where he'd want to spend the rest of his life with you. If you did, you wouldn't be on my site looking for validation for your singlehood. So, sista girl, just drop $16.97 on the electronic version of my essays. It's for your own good. I am not trying to make money off you, I am LIVING WELL. I don't need to exploit black women. I just need to be compensated for giving you useless advice.

But please remember this:

This man is preying on your insecurities and trying to manipulate you into being slaves to black men. He is giving you sexist advice and does not have your best interests at heart. He is just trying to hustle you. I mean, he has been divorced TWICE! I have only been divorced ONCE! Don't trust him girl. He just wants you to be lonely and desparate so he can seduce you and bed you and get you pregnant and leave you.

And don't fall for any of that "black love" nonsense. It does NOT EXIST. You are better off living in reality. Don't even get your hopes up about dating a black man because they dont want you. Teach your daughters that they don't want them either. Send them off to preschool with a picture of Haley Joel Osment in their pocket and a prayer. Let them know early that they have a better chance getting a little white boy to feel them up on the playground than a little black one.

So in closing, I just want to reiterate that I am not trying to sell you anything. I care about YOU. I want YOU to be happy and to be better. I just also think you need to pay a little something extra to get the REAL DEAL.

Thanks!

"Fast Ass Little Whore"

"A typical street whore." "A bunch of ghetto thugs." "Ghetto street trash." "Wonder when she will get her first abortion."

These are a small selection of some of the racially-charged comments posted to the conservative 'Free Republic' blog Thursday, aimed at U.S. President Barack Obama's 11-year-old daughter Malia after she was photographed wearing a t-shirt with a peace sign on the front.

The thread was accompanied by a photo of Michelle Obama speaking to Malia that featured the caption, "To entertain her daughter, Michelle Obama loves to make monkey sounds."

[Vancouver Sun]

Question: Who do YOU think is mostly responsible for the "little black girls are whores" mantra the Clucking Hens readily complain about? Who do YOU think perpetuates the belief that black women (of any age) are sexually promiscuous and irresponsible? Who do YOU think purposefully ignores the plight of young black women in urban areas because their lives are not valued and they are deemed "trash" from the moment they are conceived?

Answer: The same group of men who allegedly are more likely to protect black women and girls according to the Clucking Hens and their desperate followers.

Unless of course you believe that white men learn all this from black men and are just taking their "cues" from misogynistic hip-hop music and DBRs.

Wait a minute...

I thought Evia claimed she was not dark-skinned and had experienced "favoritism" from "DBR" black men due to her complexion. Hmmm....

Take a look at her picture on the back of her "book". She certainly looks like a dark-skinned woman to me. She boasts about "uplifting" dark-skinned women since they are teared down by "DBR" black men and their self-esteem is obliterated at an early age. She made numerous claims that she knows most black men prefer non dark-skinned women because she herself was not dark-skinned and black men told her how much they liked her because of that.

How are you uplifting dark-skinned women when you deny that you actually are one?

This woman is a pure and utter lunatic. Black women, please, don't fall for the rantings of a mentally unstable LIAR and manipulator.

Mama, I wanna sang!

The "surprise" impromptu performance by the minor children of rappers Lil Wayne and T.I. at the 2009 BET awards has caused an uproar all over the internet. Many viewers were disgusted by the tween girls (part of an all girl singing group) shaking their "thangs" on stage to a song called "Every Girl" in which one of the lines is "I wish I could f*ck every girl in the world!"

Now, I am not going to reiterate what a bastion of crap BET has become. There have been too many articles and blogs incessantly ranting about the poor quality of shows on the network. And personally, I do not watch a lot of television and I think that black people as a whole watch TOO much TV. We can focus on the "quality" of programming when we get down to watching a reasonable number of hours per week - not twice the rate of whites. Perhaps folks wouldn't be so offended by BET if it wasn't on all the damn time. But I digress...

Most of the "shade" thrown around after the debacle was aimed at BET and its President Debra Lee, Lil' Wayne and rapper Drake. I found that odd considering...

The mothers and primary caregivers of two of those children were at the event as well.

Many BW empowerment bloggers claim that BM are pretty much worthless in the community because they do not protect black women and children from harm. In their eyes, the violence and despair that many black women and children encounter in "all black constructs"could be avoided if black men "stepped up" and handled their business. Let's take this idea and apply it to something like what happened at the BET awards...

The biological father of one of the girls is currently in prison. The other child's biological father is part of the performance. The mothers of the children are in the audience and have been part of the show. They have not protested their children going on stage. Let's say that a concerned black man was in the audience or back stage and was disgusted at seeing the underage girls dancing to a vulgar song on national television. Let's take it further and say that he felt compelled to run on stage and snatch the girls off to protect them from embarrassment and humiliation.

Now, knowing the "type" of people Lil Wayne, Tiny, Toya and T.I. are how do you think this brave man's actions would have been received? What do YOU think Lil Wayne would have done if someone tried to protect his child from harm?

My point is, women and children that are victimized tend to be victimized by those closest to them, not strangers. A man is going to protect those he knows he can protect with the least amount of resistance from others. It is not worth it for ANY man to potentially lose his life or freedom to protect those that are not "his own". It is unfortunate that many black women are entangled with men (boyfriends, relatives, friends) who will not protect them but many of these women have put these men IN THEIR LIVES. And their children are suffering because of their choices, NOT the choices of other black men.

It is unfair to saddle a group of good men with the responsibility of protecting ALL women and children from the bad men. Bad men don't protect anyone but themselves so they are not even part of the equation. What the empowerment bloggers would ideally like to see is a bunch of good black men sweeping in and wiping out all the DBRs. White men are NOT expected to do this. They are only expected to protect THEIR wives and children and the few people they CHOOSE to protect that are outside of their circle.

In an ideal world all the successful, educated, caring black men would take up arms and run into the ghettos knocking down all the thugs and child rapists and drug dealers and carry out black women and their children and take them to a safe place. LOL. This is not the movies, this is REAL LIFE. In the REAL WORLD men protect THEIR OWN.

My husband's loyalty is to me FIRST and he is not going to go out on the limb for any other woman - except his mother. All other women he knows rely on the POSSIBILITY of him protecting them. They rely on his KINDNESS and GENEROSITY. But he still is going to think of ME and how his actions could affect ME. This is what sensible black men have been doing for decades. This is why they are not in the hood still. This is why they find their wife and move to a safe place and never look back because now they have to focus on protecting THEIR OWN.

If Lil Wayne cannot protect his own child, his child will suffer because of it. If T.I. is in prison and cannot protect his child, his child will suffer. If Tiny and Toya want to pimp out their daughters, those kids will get pimped. God provides a mother and a father, not a community of concerned men.

Pcitures of False Hope

One of the "selling points" of the White Knight Savior movement is the photographic "evidence" that white men are interested in dating and marrying all types of black women. The bloggers post pictures of alleged couples so that their readers can think, "Ohh look, she looks like me I can get me a white man!"

Let me start by saying that I am not against interracial dating. I feel like it is a person's INDIVIDUAL choice who they choose to date/marry and in reality the number of people who "date out" is not large enough to pose any significant "harm" to any gender or racial group. So my criticism of these bloggers has nothing to do with any ill feelings toward interrcial dating. My problem is that the pictures are used to create an unrealistic dating environment on two fronts: first being the idea that white men do not practice colorism, weight-ism, hair-ism, etc and the second is that MOST black men do practice colorism and hair-ism. By highlighting what THEY consider to be "average" black women with white men they are essentially feeding their audience false hope while simultanesously demonizing black men because the same "average looking" black women are dating and married to black men as I type this.

The problem with a picture is just that....it's a picture. There is no back story, no proof of a real relationship and even more importantly no real validation of the beauty of black women in white man's eyes (which is the ultimate goal).

Another problem I have with pictures is that you can never really get a complete "picture" of a relationship. Anyone can pose for a picture and voila! this is the happiest couple on earth (cuz she ain't with a black man!!). This is why I try to highlight actual couples on my site because I don't want to be accused of spreading the "black love" mantra. Most of us sane, rational black people know not only are FUNCTIONAL black relationships a reality, many of us are currently in them or have been in them in the past. I can't speak for the Clucking Hens, though.

Let's take a look at some of the pictures on the sidebar of Interracial Love and Spice. I'm not going to even adress the obvious stock photography Sara uses because it's obvious to any one with a brain that it is STOCK PHOTOGRAPHY. Anyway, here are some "real life couples":

Here is supermodel Alek Wec with what Sara claims is her ""fiance". But in reality:

This is Alex's BOYFRIEND of four years, Riccardo Sala, an Italian real estate developer. They have been together for four years with NO marriage or engagement.

This is The Satanic Verses author Salman Rushdie. Sara said that the woman in the photograph was his longtime love. I'll let Wikipedia fill you in on the details of his romantic life:

Rushdie has been married four times. He was married to his first wife Clarissa Luard from 1976 to 1987 and fathered a son, Zafar. His second wife was the American novelist Marianne Wiggins; they were married in 1988 and divorced in 1993. His third wife, from 1997 to 2004, was Elizabeth West; they have a son, Milan. In 2004, he married the Indian American actress and supermodel Padma Lakshmi, the host of the American reality-television show Top Chef. The marriage ended on 2 July 2007 with Lakshmi indicating that it was her desire to end the marriage. In the Bollywood press, he was, in 2008, romantically linked to the Indian model Riya Sen, with whom he was otherwise a friend.^[7] In response to the media speculation about their friendship, she simply stated "I think when you are Salman Rushdie, you must get bored with people who always want to talk to you about literature.

I found another picture of Salman at a party:

See how easy it is to just post pictures of people "together"? Rushdie has two children "out there" as he is no longer married to the mothers of his sons.

Actress Golden Brooks was featured on the sidebar with her "boyfriend" too bad...

In REALITY she is pregnant by actor D.B. Woodside. The couple is not married and Golden is almost 40 years old.

Is she even "black"? She looks like she could be Filipino or something. This is also the stock photography I was talking about so it doesn't really matter. But what constitutes "black" for these bloggers? Because if she were dating a dark-skinned black man he'd be all kinds of self-hating, ape monkey, mama killer, etc etc etc. Moving on...

In one of the pictures he looks mixed in the other he looks...mixed. Joy Bryant is actually married to the man in the picture and his name is David Pope. The Clucking Hens so depserately wanted him to be all white.

They have been married for over a year. They recently released photos from their wedding to Essence magazine.

Mellody Hobson (Sara didn't even know the woman's name!) has been dating Star Wars king George Lucas for about three years now. Mellody is a financial guru and SERIOUS power player. She is on the board of a number of big corporations and CEO of her own financial firm. She also used to date Chris Albrecht, the former CEO of HBO. She clearly has a "type" of man she dates: high powered and well paid. I am not mad at her for that at all, just stating the obvious. The social circles that Ms. Hobson is in puts her amongst some of the richest and most powerful men in the country. She is not yet married and that has probably been HER CHOICE. But let's say that it wasn't her choice to be single and those wealthy white men (the group of men she sepnds the most time around) have been "passing her over" for younger, whiter women. Why aren't they being strung up by their testicles and beaten for THAT?

Sara also featured chef Wolfgang Puck and his wife, handbag designer Gelila Assefa. I wonder how long this marriage will last considering...

Puck left his second wife, business partner and the mother of two of his sons, Barbara Lazaroff for a fling with Gelila who was answering phones at his restaurant Spago. Gelila gave birth to two of his children out of wedlock before he married her in 2007. He also used his ex-wife's money to help finance the PR affair, I mean, wedding. By the way, Gelila is Ethiopian, not African-American. Wanna read more about l'affaire Assefa? Click here.

Looks like another bed wench waited long enough for marriage and what I am sure is an iron-clad prenup. Way to go, Sara! Encourage your fellow sisters to sleep with married white men so they can "come up".

Darkies in Love - No One Cares: B. Smith & Dan Gasby

I hate when people call B. smith the "black Martha Stewart" as if Martha invented hostessing, cooking, crafts, design, etc. B. is her own woman and her own brand. A former model who segued into the lifestyle industry, restaurant ownership and building a global brand.

B. was the first black woman to cover Mademoiselle magazine back in 1976 and appeared on over a dozen magazine covers during her modeling career. She is the successful owner of three restaurants, a line of housewares at Bed, Bath & Beyond and the spokeswoman for Colgate-Palmolive and Lawry's.

Dan Gasby began his television career in 1977 at a start up UHF television station, WPTY- TV, in Tennessee. Over a 7-year period, he rose from Account Executive to General Sales Manager of WAWS-TV in Jacksonville, Florida. In 1985, Gasby joined Camelot Advertising Sales, a division of KingWorld Entertainment, as an Account Executive in the National Barter Syndication division, where he sold Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy and the Oprah Winfrey Show, the three most successful shows in the history of TV syndication.

B. and Dan married in 1992 when she was 40 and he was 38. Here is what Dan said about their relationship:

"I'm Barbara's cut man, and she's my cut man," "A cut man is the guy in the corner of the boxing ring who cleans up fighters and sends them back to battle. We'll always be in each other's corner."

The two have collaborated on numerous projects, you can read all about them here.

Dan is currently the chairman of B. Smith Enterprises and helps with the day-to-day operations of the restaurants. He is also a member of the Board of Trustees at American University in Washington, D.C., and is a longtime member of the Board of Governors of the International Radio and Television Society Foundation.

Dan was a successful TV executive with plenty of "access" to non-black women. Yet he still chose an older black woman who had a child (B. has a grown daughter from a previous relationship). I have never seen any articles or features on the Gasbys in black publications. The majority of the press coverage I've seen has been in "mainstream" outlets like the New York Times and Harper's Bazaar.