Darkies in Love - No One Cares: NBA Edition

Chauncey Billups has won an NBA title, been finals MVP and has played for six different NBA teams. He has been married to his wife, Piper, since 2001. The couple have three daughters ages 11, 8 and 2. The two started dating back in high school where Chauncey was the star basketball player and Piper was a cheerleader.

Many black women will mention the "discrimination" black male athletes practice in the dating world. According to them most NBA/NFL players date either black women with light skin and long hair or non black women. According to them, "average-looking" black women don't stand a chance with these men. The truth is, the majority of black NBA players are married to regular looking black women. So why is it that most people (black and white) believe that professional athletes tend to only marry non black women?

On average, the media highlights and shows the black player's wife who is not African-American five times more than showing the African-American wife. This biased or selective coverage gives people the false impression that most black male athletes desire non black women or only consider those women suitable for marriage. A clear example of how the media distorts perceptions were illustrated during the 2000 NBA playoffs. When Shaquille O'Neal announced his engagement to Shaunie, the media did not cover the engagement, however when Kobe Bryant announced his engagement to a non-African-American, the media was abuzz with the story. Interracial relationships, particularly those involving black men and non black women, fascinate many - especially white men.

Detroit Pistons players Rasheed Wallace and Ben Wallace have black wives that the media rarely pans the camera on, they prefer to do features on these stars' mothers for some reason. Ben Wallace's wife decides if he will wear his hair in braids or an Afro before each game. She is such a huge, positive force in his life yet the media treats her like she is invisible. Ben Wallace follows in the tradition of Charles Oakley and graduated from Historically Black, Virginia Union University.



Another reason for the myth of black male athletes dating white women is due to the increasing number of biracial athletes and our exposure to their wife selection. Many in the black community identify with the bi-racial athletes (Shane Battier, Jason Kidd) because we realize white people don't accept them as white and since one of their parents is black we figure, "they're with us".





However bi-racial athletes almost never marry black women.

Basically, the number of professional athletes married to non-black women is roughly the same as regular black men married to non-black women.

It is our society's (male and female, black and white) rampant obsession with miscegenation and the products of those unions that fuel the media coverage.

Darkies in Love - No One Cares: B. Smith & Dan Gasby

I hate when people call B. smith the "black Martha Stewart" as if Martha invented hostessing, cooking, crafts, design, etc. B. is her own woman and her own brand. A former model who segued into the lifestyle industry, restaurant ownership and building a global brand.

B. was the first black woman to cover Mademoiselle magazine back in 1976 and appeared on over a dozen magazine covers during her modeling career. She is the successful owner of three restaurants, a line of housewares at Bed, Bath & Beyond and the spokeswoman for Colgate-Palmolive and Lawry's.

Dan Gasby began his television career in 1977 at a start up UHF television station, WPTY- TV, in Tennessee. Over a 7-year period, he rose from Account Executive to General Sales Manager of WAWS-TV in Jacksonville, Florida. In 1985, Gasby joined Camelot Advertising Sales, a division of KingWorld Entertainment, as an Account Executive in the National Barter Syndication division, where he sold Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy and the Oprah Winfrey Show, the three most successful shows in the history of TV syndication.

B. and Dan married in 1992 when she was 40 and he was 38. Here is what Dan said about their relationship:

"I'm Barbara's cut man, and she's my cut man," "A cut man is the guy in the corner of the boxing ring who cleans up fighters and sends them back to battle. We'll always be in each other's corner."

The two have collaborated on numerous projects, you can read all about them here.

Dan is currently the chairman of B. Smith Enterprises and helps with the day-to-day operations of the restaurants. He is also a member of the Board of Trustees at American University in Washington, D.C., and is a longtime member of the Board of Governors of the International Radio and Television Society Foundation.

Dan was a successful TV executive with plenty of "access" to non-black women. Yet he still chose an older black woman who had a child (B. has a grown daughter from a previous relationship). I have never seen any articles or features on the Gasbys in black publications. The majority of the press coverage I've seen has been in "mainstream" outlets like the New York Times and Harper's Bazaar.

Darkies in Love - No One Cares: Al Roker and Deborah Roberts

I wish I had a nickle for every time I heard some black woman say that they don't like a (black) man who is corny. This is not just isolated incidents or hood chicks - this sentiment is rampant in the black community. For some odd reason, many black women find a man who is corny incredibly annoying. Of course once those corny men ascend to astronomical heights (Barack Obama, the corniest black man in America) he suddenly has "swagger" and is "suave" and "cool". Notice that it usually happens when these men "crossover" and are adored by white women. Just make a note of that.

Anyway, corny men make good husbands and fathers. Why? Because they tend to not take themselves too seriously. They tend to not be hyper-masculine and they tend to appreciate humor and know how to use humor to keep a woman interested and kids entertained. I am a proud card-carrying member of the corny wives club - my husband is the cornball nerd type.

Al Roker is a nerd. He is a graduate of SUNY Oswego, a weatherman, an author, and to some people a fat, jolly black guy who coons it up for white folks on TV. Deborah Roberts is a graduate of the University of Georgia and a successful anchor for ABC television. She used to work for NBC where she met Al. They married in September of 1995 in New York City. Al had been married before and had a daughter, Courtney. I am not 100% certain but I believe Al's first wife was a nonblack woman. In the pictures I have seen of Courtney she looks to be biracial. Again, I am not sure though. So don't quote me on that.

Al and Deborah have two children together, Leilah and Nicholas. They are regular fixtures in New York City and are seen out and about at the ballet, theater, fundraisers and other events. Al has been a success for years in front of the camera but has also worked hard to build an empire as a producer and tv executive. He is also a "foodie" and has written cookbooks and produced specials for the Food Network. By all accounts the man knows how to make money and provide for his family. He and his wife are on COMPETING morning shows yet they still make it work.

It was hard finding information on this couple because guess what - NO ONE CARES. No features in Essence or Ebony, no profiles on blogs, nada. Just two regular looking black people married with children. Nothing to see here folks, no big deal. This is another example of the invisible black marriage. I will write about this more on the blog because I feel like it is a huge issue. More people make $$$ off the belief that black people do not believe in marriage, don't get married and don't stay married. They throw around statistics to build up their arguments yet they ignore other factors which lead to these biased stats. Al Roker and Deborah Roberts are a real life professional black couple. She is a good looking black woman with dark skin and relaxed hair. She is not "weaved out" or a size 0. Her husband is a huge advocate for fathers and fatherhood and has written books on the subject. He has won awards for his work. All without the "support" of black American women. He has not had a single rally held in his honor by any black female group. He has not been given any honors (as far as I know) by the black community. Yet still he has done A LOT to "keep up" the image of black American men. Why don't the black female supremacists advise their foot soldiers to go out and buy his books, watch his specials, etc? They should be giving this man support because his money is being spent on his black wife and black children.

Where is the campaign for Al Roker? Where is the love?

Darkies in Love - No One Cares: Viola Davis & Julius Tennon

According to most black women, black men are not interested in dating us. They don't want us because we are their "mirror image" and they are ashamed of that. They don't want a woman who is not *prized* (read: WHITE) so that's why they drop kick us for a fat, white woman all day every day.

But every now and then I come across a black woman either in real life or one who is "of note" and I am reminded that some of us aren't so quick to believe the hype. Some of us were able to find love, respect and admiration despite not being *prized* by white men.

This is Academy Award-nominated actress Viola Davis. She is 43 and from South Carolina. She is a graduate of the prestigious Julliard School and won a Tony for her work on Broadway. She has received numerous awards for her work on screen and on stage. By all accounts she is a highly successful black woman. For the past six years she has been married to actor Julius Tennon. For all those slow kids out there that means she got married at 37 years of age. Here are some qoutes about their relationship:

"Tennon impressed Davis on the very first date. He had the kind of absolute integrity she craved, and had almost stopped hoping she'd discover in anyone. He was a single father for 16, 17 years; he raised his children by himself, as well as pursuing a career in acting"

OK, let's start right here. Julius was a single father of two children when he met Viola. He was also an actor, trying to pursue a career with children on his back. Despite being "left" with two children, he didn't seem to harbor hatred and ill-will towards black women. He found a black woman he was interested in and took her out on a date. She was OPEN and RECEPTIVE to dating this man. She did not shun him for the failure of his previous relationship. She also was *LOOKING* for integrity. She did not expect it to just appear out of nowhere.

"So he has character. He's a good man. And he endeared himself to me because he was different from anyone else I dated, because he was extraordinarily emotionally available and kind and generous.""

WAIT....what?? A negro male with character. Notice how she said that he endeared himself to HER. She also said that he was emotionally available and kind - she did not harp on how much money he made or how he could "protect and provide" for her. He was a NICE GUY and she found THAT endearing.

"It makes a difference to have a life—to have a life that's healthy and loving. It allows you to do what you do, and not work from a place of chaos ... She's proud that their relationship is a true partnership. It sustains her in many ways, tangible and intangible. "I can absolutely say that I'm happy," Davis adds, "but I also have to say that a responsibility comes with that."

This is from an article in which one of the producers of a play she was in (Lynn Nottage's "Intimate Apparel") spoke about her marriage and what she PERSONALLY WITNESSED between Viola and Julius. Responsibility in a marriage is very important. Viola understand this. She knows that she must "show up" and be part of her relationship, too. He is not ultimately responsible for HER happiness by himself. Smart woman.

"But in marriage, she says, "doubt is imperative. You have to understand you aren't always right."

Well look what we have here. A black woman admitting that she doesn't know every got damn thing and is willing to lay down her sword.

"The fact that he's an actor makes it fantastic. But also, it's the kind of person you marry. The temperament. Like when you marry someone, you've got to choose well. That's how it starts. I married a man who has lived a life, so he's more than just what he does. He's a man of strong character. The fact he understands it's very difficult to get with someone who's outside the business who understands it. It's very difficult. The paranoia, the unemployment, the whole instability, the hours...all of it."

Not once has she said anything about how much money he makes. The fact that he is NOT PERFECT (i.e. has lived a life) is part of the reason she LIKES him. Go figure! A woman looking at a man in his totality and not just what he did wrong.

Now, I didn't want to point out the obvious but I will anyway. Viola Davis is a DARK black woman. She is probably one of the darkest black females in the media. She has full lips, a wide nose and wears her hair straightened/pressed/weaved or whatever. She looks like a lot of black women I see on a daily basis - professional or not. When Viola was up for anOscar she got virtually no play on the black entertainment blogs. Everyone loved talking about Taraji P. Henson, but hardly anyone touched on Viola. These gossip and entertainemtn blogs are typically run by black women. Why were they not parading around this GORGEOUS couple as a testament to black love. Viola was at event after event for months and there was hardly any interest in her.

Could it be that black women are "turned off" by a dark couple like this. Do they somehow not represent "black love" the same way biracial Barack and Michelle Obama do? OR Beyonce and Jay-Z?

For all the clucking black women do about black men not wanting dark black women, they are the FIRST to say that a dark black woman is not attractive enough for a dark black man. Think about all the "shade" black women have thrown at Pauletta Washington. It's not that she's dark, they say, it's just that she is not attractive. He should be with someone prettier or more "on his level".

Oh, and I forgot to mention that Julius is an actor who has appeared on television and in movies for years. He has had "access" to nonblack women for years. He chose Viola out of all the other women he had "access" to.

So to recap: a successful, educated black woman dated a semi-successful black man with two children. They married and have been together ever since. Did she "lower her standards"? No, because she said he had the qualities she was looking for. Those qualities were not "x number of degrees", "light brown skin", "6'2", "well-traveled," "speaks multiple languages", "no kids", "all about me".