According to some BW: White Men & Black Men aren't equal

Why is it that every other group of men in the world are allowed to state their preferences and black men aren't?

For example, my husband has a number of white male colleagues at work. Many of these guys are in their late 20's, early 30's and are either married or looking to settle down. They talk about the process of selecting women like picking out a car or a home: they have very specific requirements, some they are willing to pass on and some they absolutely MUST have. This includes everything from looks to education to personality.

So why is it that black women want to take this power away from BLACK men but accept the fact that WHITE men can be choosy.

Let me give some examples:

White man: I do not date overweight women. I feel that women tend to gain weight after childbearing so I rater date someone who is already in shape or is midnful of the need to exercise.

Black women: Mmmmm hmm, that makes a lot of sense. I need to go 'head and get my workout routine going. It is important to be healthy.

Black man: I do not want to wife a chick who is big. I want a chick with a little waist and a big booty.

Black women: YOU ARE A MISOGYNIST and a BLACK FEMALE RACIST.
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White man: I like a woman who is confident and sexy.

Black woman: *nods*

Black man: I want a chick who is confident and sexy.

Black woman: YOU ARE A MISOGYNIST.
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White man: I need a woman who has some basic domestic skills. It is important to know how to keep a house clean. I will not get serious about a woman who keeps a dirty home.

Black woman: Mmm hmm, it is so sad that women have lost the desire to take care of their home.

Black man: I need a chick who can burn in the kitchen!

Black woman: YOU WANT A SLAVE AND A MAID.
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White man: I don't really care how educated a woman is. I am not looking for someone to take care of me. I just want someone who will raise my kids to love learning and be smart.

Black woman: I know, so many brothers just want to use women with education.

Black man: All them degrees you keep talking about is not what is going to attract me to you.

Black woman: YOU ARE TRYING TO KEEP BLACK WOMEN DOWN. You are JEALOUS that we are outpacing you in education. You don't want us to be better. YOU HATE US.
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White man: I do not date women I am not attracted to.

Black women: That is fair. No one should be with someone they are not attracted to.

Black man: I do not date women I am not attracted to.

Black woman: YOU ARE A BLACK RACIST. You should embrace all black women and consider all of them worthy of marriage.
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White man: I would never date a feminazi. Those chicks scare me.

Black woman: OMG I know!

Black man: I will not date some overbearing, harsh, emasculating ball-buster.

Black woman: YOU HATE BLACK WOMEN!!
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White man: Some black women are just unattractive and masculine.

Black woman: I know! I keep telling those women to just be more feminine. I can see why men don't want to date them.

Black man: Some black women are just unattractive and masculine

Black woman: YOU HATE BLACK WOMEN
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Please feel free to add your own!

Can you protect without "protection"?

Have Black Men Lead the Community As Best They Could?


I was over at Black Conscious Thought when I came across an interesting comment on a post about the gender war in the black community:

The black man stood up to the white man, but what great effect could he accomplish without SUPERIOR ARMS? That's right. I'm talking about weapons. The american indians fought wars against the white man's rifle, using bow and arrows, and what became of them? They got pushed to the brink of oblivion. All of america belonged to them and they couldn't hold their turf. The black race in an alien world, and even without access to arms, has grown stronger than the indigenous people. If after all of this the black woman can say the black man is not a man, then what should the american indian woman say about her race of men?

I am not part of the American Indian community so I have no clue what Native American women think of their men. I do know that the Native community faces the same joblessness, substance abuse problems, poor education attainment, etc. as the black community. I do know that the Native community has decided to stick together despite all of their issues.

So if we are being honest and objective, would it be fair to say that despite the CURRENT state of the black community, African-Americans have done tremendously well post-slavery without any real source of power to fight racism and oppression? Despite our lack of firepower, African-Americans survived the brutality of the slave trade, Jim Crow, separate and unequal, "the war on drugs", etc. Toss in other issues such as liberal white feminist government policies, media-induced self-hatred and an education system which teaches minority students racial inferiority and it's easy to see why we have reached a precipice.

All of this "surviving" without an ability to "fight fire with fire" is an interesting idea to ponder. If Africans had access to weapons both on the continent and here in America, would we even be discussing the "issues" within the black community. If black men were able to match the weaponry of white men who bought and sold their women and children, would we even be debating whether black men can be "providers and protectors"?

Why So Serious?

I was talking to a friend over the weekend about her dating woes. She's 35, single, no kids, professional job, master's degree, etc etc. She and I talk a lot about BM/BW relationships (or lack thereof) and her frustrations with the dating scene in LA. Now, I love this girl as a true friend. She often asks me for my opinion and I usually give it to her straight, no chaser. So what I am writing is in no way "outing" her or anything like that.

My friend is overweight (by at least 20 lbs), dresses very matronly and is not at all approachable. She has a definite "black girl attitude" at times. She has gotten into arguments with some of her neighbors and has had issues with co-workers. She used to live in a predominantly Latino neighborhood and she would repeatedly make disparaging comments about Latinos and their habits. In her line of work she has to work with mostly whites, many of whom are gay. She often has something negative to say about the gay community, especially white gay males.

In my opinion my friend is what I would consider a "typical" black woman. Not because of her age, weight or single status, but because of her blatant prejudices and rigid set of requirements for practically everyone she comes in contact with. She has repeatedly stated thst she has "given up" on black men because they pay her no attention ("Can a brother just at least say HELLO??") and chase after white/asian/latino women. Now, I must say that the "swirl" is incredibly high here in Los Angeles. Not just BM/WW but WM with damn near everybody including some BW.

Anyway, when she and I talk I always bring up her negative attitude and how it probably affects her dating life. She of course will say that she is not always like that and she doesn't have attitude in relationships. She has gone out on only a handful of dates in the past few years, all with black men. One of the black men she dated was an aspiring artist who seemed nice enough but he said he didn't really have time for a serious relationship because of his career. LOL. I promptly handed her a copy of He's Just Not That Into You.

Another guy she dated was actually a friend of one of her college buddies. Now, let me lay out this dude's resume: Yale undergrad, UCLA grad, studied abroad, working on his own graphic design/communications firm, recruited to move to LA for film work, smart, interesting, likes going to concerts, etc. This dude would be a MAJOR score for ANY woman. The problem in her eyes? He is "weird" and "too nerdy" and just not R-I-G-H-T.

Yeah, I know.

Now, he isn't tall, dark and handsome but he was SUPER nice. Very firm handshake which is always a sign of confidence. But of course, she treated him like he was an annoying kid brother buzzing around. I was surprised he was still single but he was only 31 and said because he moved around a lot for work he didn't really have a chance to invest in a relationship. Fair enough. But it seemed like he was interested in finding one and with MY FRIEND. SMH.

My point in telling you all this is that my friend has a long list of men she would drop 20 lbs for and most of those men are in interracial relationships or it is unknown who they are dating. Many of the men she finds interesting are the educated, suit-wearing men who wear jeans and Timberlands on the weekends. No matter how much I try to tell her that that man does NOT exist or if he does he is already married to Beyonce, she still seems to think that he is out there and would be willing to date HER.

With all of her baggage, she still feels entitled to HER ideal man. My question is: Why do BW feel that if a man does not have ALL the characteristics she is looking for, he should be passed over?

Now, I am not talking about dating a man with a felony conviction and three baby mama's when you really want a lawyer who was a Rhodes scholar! Clearly you would be lowering your standards and possibly putting your life in danger. But if a man is a professional but maybe he is really into comic books and likes to eat cereal for dinner on occasion - why pass him up? Why not date him and enjoy letting loose and eating cereal for dinner every once and a while too?

Why the need for such rigid and strict requirements when it comes to love, the one thing that should be malleable and open to change? (men you can comment too!)

Live it. Learn it. Love it,

Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage - Theatrical Trailer from Tyler New Media on Vimeo.

I have decided to elevate this blog and leave the sellouts, clucking hens and miserable beings alone. Their hatred of themselves and black men doesn't hurt me in anyway nor should it hurt you. Let's let them be. Let them drown and flounder in their own pool of craziness. Let them continue to lead desperate women down a path of loneliness and isolation.

I plan to focus more on promoting healthy and positive relationships between black men and black women. Why devote time and energy to embarrassing women who clearly are not embarrassed? My mama taught me that my time is very valuable and so is yours.

We can really learn something from the "Something Old is New" movement and its dismantling. We can learn what NOT to do and how NOT to do it. We can learn that a community that is broken needs ALL HANDS ON DECK to fix and for those who want to "divest" and never look back, we bid you adieu. If you hang around "the negrosphere" a lot you can see that even online, black people don't really agree on how to "save" the collective. Many of the BW empowerment bloggers are facing internal strife. They will not be able to hold it together much longer. They all want to be the alpha female and be the "voice". The in-fighting has become public. Alliances that once seemed strong seem very weak now. Folks are PUBLICLY putting people on blast. The "professional" women are clasing with the baby mama's. The baby mama's don't like to be disrespected. They work hard to raise children alone and they want support. But the "professional" women think supporting them means they are advocating Keyshia get pregnant at 13. SMH.

For those of us who realize that much of the problems in the black community come down to perceptions, half truths and biased coverage we have a lot of work to do. This doesn't mean sacrificing one's own happiness or being a mule - it simply means being PRESENT and being an EXAMPLE. Remaining POSITIVE and maintaining an image of decency and self-respect despite what others (even those who look like us) think we should do.

I want you guys to check out a new documentary from the wonderful folks over at Black and Married with Kids. Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage.

I have a lot of material coming up. My husband is going to be out of town for work for like six days next so I will be bored with nothing to do but be on the internet, LOL.

Darkies in Love - No One Cares: NBA Edition

Chauncey Billups has won an NBA title, been finals MVP and has played for six different NBA teams. He has been married to his wife, Piper, since 2001. The couple have three daughters ages 11, 8 and 2. The two started dating back in high school where Chauncey was the star basketball player and Piper was a cheerleader.

Many black women will mention the "discrimination" black male athletes practice in the dating world. According to them most NBA/NFL players date either black women with light skin and long hair or non black women. According to them, "average-looking" black women don't stand a chance with these men. The truth is, the majority of black NBA players are married to regular looking black women. So why is it that most people (black and white) believe that professional athletes tend to only marry non black women?

On average, the media highlights and shows the black player's wife who is not African-American five times more than showing the African-American wife. This biased or selective coverage gives people the false impression that most black male athletes desire non black women or only consider those women suitable for marriage. A clear example of how the media distorts perceptions were illustrated during the 2000 NBA playoffs. When Shaquille O'Neal announced his engagement to Shaunie, the media did not cover the engagement, however when Kobe Bryant announced his engagement to a non-African-American, the media was abuzz with the story. Interracial relationships, particularly those involving black men and non black women, fascinate many - especially white men.

Detroit Pistons players Rasheed Wallace and Ben Wallace have black wives that the media rarely pans the camera on, they prefer to do features on these stars' mothers for some reason. Ben Wallace's wife decides if he will wear his hair in braids or an Afro before each game. She is such a huge, positive force in his life yet the media treats her like she is invisible. Ben Wallace follows in the tradition of Charles Oakley and graduated from Historically Black, Virginia Union University.



Another reason for the myth of black male athletes dating white women is due to the increasing number of biracial athletes and our exposure to their wife selection. Many in the black community identify with the bi-racial athletes (Shane Battier, Jason Kidd) because we realize white people don't accept them as white and since one of their parents is black we figure, "they're with us".





However bi-racial athletes almost never marry black women.

Basically, the number of professional athletes married to non-black women is roughly the same as regular black men married to non-black women.

It is our society's (male and female, black and white) rampant obsession with miscegenation and the products of those unions that fuel the media coverage.

Preying on insecurities for me, but not for thee!!

Supposing I wanted to make money of the insecurities of many African-American women in regards to dating and relationships. How would I go about trying to profit from their desperation, loneliness, frustration and bitterness? How would I sell myself as some "expert" or "teacher" without actually being an expert or teacher?

Well, I'd probably start out by surveying the current "market" I am attempting to poach. I'd collect all types of statistics that will bolster my arguments and opinions and frame the "revelation" as something that no one has said or heard before. I will display myself as a martyr, a lone beacon of light in an otherwise dark and cold world, a revolutionary - a Sojourner Truth type. In order to distinguish myself from the legions of others giving advice to black women, I will promote something "radical" and different and NEW.

I will basically do the same things that others have done for decades but promote myself as being better than them because I will "put black women and their desires first":

But before I do that, I just need y'all to pay $12.99 for my electronic book. It's really for your own good - I am not trying to make money off the fact that you're desperate and over 35 with a child out of wedlock.

Please ignore the fact that my graphics looks like something from 1995 and I use a plethora of mismatching fonts and my product looks like a "Fuck Effort" production. All the information you need is right here in this book of essays that I lifted from the blog you have already read. I disabled comments so that all the comments in the book will seem like "fresh and new" material. I will bait you with the belief that there is even more that I haven't "taught" you. Clearly you don't know how to find a man or keep him interested in you to the point where he'd want to spend the rest of his life with you. If you did, you wouldn't be on my site looking for validation for your singlehood. So, sista girl, just drop $16.97 on the electronic version of my essays. It's for your own good. I am not trying to make money off you, I am LIVING WELL. I don't need to exploit black women. I just need to be compensated for giving you useless advice.

But please remember this:

This man is preying on your insecurities and trying to manipulate you into being slaves to black men. He is giving you sexist advice and does not have your best interests at heart. He is just trying to hustle you. I mean, he has been divorced TWICE! I have only been divorced ONCE! Don't trust him girl. He just wants you to be lonely and desparate so he can seduce you and bed you and get you pregnant and leave you.

And don't fall for any of that "black love" nonsense. It does NOT EXIST. You are better off living in reality. Don't even get your hopes up about dating a black man because they dont want you. Teach your daughters that they don't want them either. Send them off to preschool with a picture of Haley Joel Osment in their pocket and a prayer. Let them know early that they have a better chance getting a little white boy to feel them up on the playground than a little black one.

So in closing, I just want to reiterate that I am not trying to sell you anything. I care about YOU. I want YOU to be happy and to be better. I just also think you need to pay a little something extra to get the REAL DEAL.

Thanks!

"Fast Ass Little Whore"

"A typical street whore." "A bunch of ghetto thugs." "Ghetto street trash." "Wonder when she will get her first abortion."

These are a small selection of some of the racially-charged comments posted to the conservative 'Free Republic' blog Thursday, aimed at U.S. President Barack Obama's 11-year-old daughter Malia after she was photographed wearing a t-shirt with a peace sign on the front.

The thread was accompanied by a photo of Michelle Obama speaking to Malia that featured the caption, "To entertain her daughter, Michelle Obama loves to make monkey sounds."

[Vancouver Sun]

Question: Who do YOU think is mostly responsible for the "little black girls are whores" mantra the Clucking Hens readily complain about? Who do YOU think perpetuates the belief that black women (of any age) are sexually promiscuous and irresponsible? Who do YOU think purposefully ignores the plight of young black women in urban areas because their lives are not valued and they are deemed "trash" from the moment they are conceived?

Answer: The same group of men who allegedly are more likely to protect black women and girls according to the Clucking Hens and their desperate followers.

Unless of course you believe that white men learn all this from black men and are just taking their "cues" from misogynistic hip-hop music and DBRs.