Black Women's Promiscuity - Our Dirty Little Secret

If you visit many black blogs devoted to covering entertainment, gossip, lifestyle issues, etc. you will often see a common thread in the comments section. Black women commenters lamenting about how "whorish" and "loose" and "nasty" nonblack (particularly white) women are. The public sentiments of many black women is that nonblack women are far more sexually promiscuous than black women (hence why an increasing number of black men are entering committed and non committed relationships with them). Cuz uhm, all you negroes want is a hole to stick it in cuz you're savages, animals, etc.

I truly believe that black women actually think this is true. White women are portrayed in the media as being sexy, attractive, sexual, feminine and the object of desire. It would only stand to reason that these women are portrayed this way because they are just oozing sex and very open to sex with just about anyone, anytime, anywhere. I think most black women believe that the experiences of the "Girls Gone Wild" type of white women is indicative of all white women. College-aged white women that participate in "spring break" type sexual activities are not the norm among white women. If it were, white women would probably find a hard time finding men to take them seriously, right? I think another reason for the stereotype of the "wanton white woman" is because white women were on the front lines of the sexual revolution. They were publicly pushing for birth control, sexual liberation and sexual freedom for women. It was this sexual social activism that helped permanently brand white women as sexually loose and irresponsible - mainly by white men that felt that this new found liberation would have only negative consequences. You can decide for yourself if they were right.

Anyway, I remember Joe Francis from "Girls Gone Wild" was on Tyra Banks' talk show and he said that the only reason there were no black girls on GGW was because the black girls wanted to be PAID for their appearance. There was never a lack of black girls willing to make out with each other, get naked or simulate sex - they just wanted cash for it. I think this is an important point. Nonblack women are often called whores by black women because they "do it for free" or "get nothing in return" or they are having sex with a black man (automatically makes her a whore, no matter what). Since most black women do not go to college (especially with white women) and most do not have friendships with white women it is amazing how so many can attest to the sexual behaviors of women they don't really know. However if white women were to make blanket claims about black women being whores, well, we all know all hell would break loose. Black women would accuse white women of trying to sabotage their dating opportunities by labeling them as promiscuous. It is ok for black women to undercut the femininity of other women (we are on the bottom, you see) but everyone else is supposed to create a level playing field.

But in a way our "underdog" status has actually worked to our advantage....

Since black women are not portrayed as sexy, attractive, feminine and desirable it is easy for us to claim that we are not promiscuous as other groups. The "hottentot venus" image was created by racist whites therefore any commentary on our sexual behaviors stems from racism. And unlike black men who "embrace all the sexual stereotypes about them" black women tend to deny them and attribute them to racism or black men. Decades of deflection, denial and fat out LYING has led to the myth of the "chaste black woman who is used, abused and exploited by black men and racist whites" becoming a popular talking point. Black women are either having sex with men we don't want to have sex with due to indoctrination, we are being raped, we are being manipulated, we have no control over our bodies, we are letting black men hit it raw because we are afraid we'll lose them, etc. Yet many black women will loudly proclaim they "got that good-good" or "they can make a ni**a scream!". We are so out of control in our sex lives but at the same time we have mastered making a man feel good. Men who want us for sex are buying into racist stereotypes, but we will gladly own up to the fact that only "we" know how to really satisfy a man. A lot of cognitive dissonance at play here.

When no one is paying attention to what you're doing, you can pretty much do anything. Most other groups have no interest in our sexual behaviors outside of the negative societal affects of out of wedlock parenting. The truth is, the results of our sexual behaviors have encroached upon others. Whereas the results of the GGW white women have not. White and asian women's sexual activity has not resulted into a burden on taxpayers, the public school system, law enforcement and communities. Also, white women's (and a growing number of Asian women's) sexual behavior is POLICED by white men. Black men have never had the ability to police anything black women do, especially when it comes to sex. Black women could be raped with impunity and black men were pretty much powerless to stop it. Yet white men could forbid a white woman from even looking at a black man. White men have always placed boundaries on white women's sexuality, even after the sexual revolution. They still do. White women are not sexually liberated, they are liberated for white men to use however they see fit, trade in for younger models, ridicule and mock, etc.

Decades of black women being able to hide behind the "no good niggas leaving us with babies" and "all black men want white women eventually" left us pretty much uncriticzed. We were the perpetual victims of weak men that would rather drink on the corner all day then get a job and provide for us. We could f*ck and s*ck all day long because any negative results could be blamed on black men. We have always had the perfect scapegoat. White women, on the other hand, have always had to cleverly balance their criticisms of white male sexism and misogyny with the knowledge that they still need those men. White women could never and have never thrown white men under the bus completely. Unless the woman is a lesbian (Rosie O'donnell type) she is not going to do that.

But once we started getting reports on lack of marriage, abortions and HIV among heterosexual black women the conversation started to change. Suddenly what a good number of black men had been saying for quite some time was being played out in various statistics: Black women are far more "hypergamous" than other women. It is this wanton hypergamy that has led to a minority of black men completely controlling the dating/mating market in the black community. Before feminism, women were not allowed to express their hypergamy because it was looked at shamefully. If a man was a decent man and he showed through his actions that he would make a good husband and father, a woman was encouraged to "jump on it". Men understood that in order to have access to frequent sex they were going to have to marry. These two ideals made marriage necessary and made both men and women commit to the institution. Hypergamy was not acceptable since most women were willing to accept "average" men as being worthy of their affection. Hypergamy leads to promiscuity because the more women that are in competition for a shrinking pool of males, the more the women will need to put out. Lots and lots of black women are having lots and lots of sex with different men in an effort to "lock one down". But she is being undercut by her fellow sisters who also want the same man. So she must add another possible man to her rotation who also has a series of women on his speed dial. Lather, rinse, repeat. Keep in mind the men range in socioeconomic status. "Keyshia" may exercise hypergamy amongst the ex-cons, dope boys and block huggers while "Pamela" may exercise hypergamy amongst the various educated, resourceful men in her social circle. "Tonya" may exercise hypergamy among the baller-type men who are in HER circle. Either way, there are only a handful of circles that black men

can be in to have access to commitment-free sex. And most men are locked out for various reasons.

The created "male shortage", which really means a shortage of men that black women want to have sex with, has led to women "having" to share men and "being left" with babies while select men move from woman to woman. Black women's behavior in SELECTING mates directly affects our sexual behavior. If you cast a wide net for men, as the woman you can carefully work your way through your choices since a good number of those men will simply be flattered that you're even interested. You will not need to sleep with a lot of men and play "Russian Roulette" with your vagina. Some men may have a ton of women waiting in line, and you will know this fairly quickly, so you can choose to let him move along or you can decide to get in the back of the line and wait. Most men are not "Mack Daddies". Most men do not have a steady rotation of women they can just screw whenever they want. Most men have to put concentrated effort into getting sex. ANY SEX. Some may lie and pretend like all they have to do is look at a girl but we all know that is not true. Most men put in "work" and women need to understand when you are being "worked for sex" versus a genuine interest in a relationship. Many black women take being "worked for sex" as genuine interest because they desperately want a certain type of man. Behavior they would deem unacceptable from an undesirable man would be the "keys to the coochie" for the type of man they want. Many black women will flat out admit that certain men do not turn them on sexually and therefore they are not going to give those man a chance. But if a man says that he is not attracted to a woman, FOR WHATEVER REASON, he is shallow, insecure, borderline gay, etc.

I don't agree with the mantra that "all black women want thugs" but I do think that black women have a very narrow view of what a dominant man is. Even the most educated of black women have this view. If a man does not appear to be able to be "alpha-dominant" he is going to have a hard time getting attention from black women. Black men that fall outside that acceptable "alpha" paradigm often find themselves questioning whether it is them or the women they are surrounded by. Especially if said man can see that "other" men can have a varying range of personalities, quirks, etc. and still have women treat them with respect. This is why the BWE bloggers say black women need to be reprogrammed. On this point they are spot on. In order for black women to even consider nonblack men as mates, most of them would have to completely change their thought patterns on masculinity. The same thought patterns that have kept an ever increasing number of black men searching for their own "something new".