Tuesday, June 23, 2009

"I don't need a man, I can do it by myself!"

R&B singer Jill Scott recently gave an interview to Essence magazine in which she revealed that she and the father of her infant child are no longer together.

ESSENCE.COM: Well, at least your hubby-to-be was there to support. How has he been adjusting to Jett?

Yes, he was there and for a couple of days afterwards while I stayed in hospital, but John and I are no longer together. When you have a baby you're dealing with a lot of emotions and I don't know how much of it had to do with us breaking up, but it happens. We definitely love our son and we are co-parenting and working on being friends. have a lot of support, so It is what it is. I want for nothing as far as that's concerned. I know some might criticize me or the fact that my son is being raised in a single-parent home, but I wasn't raised in a two-parent home and I had a good relationship with my dad. I have hopes for him and I'm sure his father will do his part as well.

Notice how she said that she "wants for nothing"?? Nice that you don't need anything Ms. Fabulous Singer/Actress but what about the needs of your child? This is the selfish nature of many single mothers - "as long as I don't need anything from the man, it's all good."

ESSENCE.COM: As a mother, what has been the biggest lesson thus far?

My heart and prayers go out to all single moms because it's tough, and I can't imagine any teenager dealing with a baby and all those hormones raging. I can afford to have this child at 37 because I have a support system and I can talk to my girls, Mo'Nique and Erykah [Badu], but I don't understand how any mother does it alone. I don't believe I suffered from postpartum because I didn't feel depressed, but it was jarring and I can understand now how some mothers lose it. What he's taught me is that I thought I was grown and patient but I was neither until now. Even when I hold him and dance with him to his favorite song, Marvin Gaye's "Come Live With Me," and he holds me tighter and then relaxes, I realize that I never knew unconditional love like this before, and I'm looking forward to watching and helping him grow.

Again, a typical black woman's support system is her girlfriends and female relatives - many of whom are also single mothers. In their eyes, all a child needs (male or female) is to be "loved" and cared for. A "girlfriend" is not a father and cannot provide THE CHILD with what he/she needs even though they can provide THE MOTHER with endless hours of support and conversation.

Unlike a lot of women, I was not fooled by Jill Scott's "earthiness". I had a friend who worked on one of her music videos and she said she was the biggest D-I-V-A on the planet and rude as all get out. So is it any surprise that her "I am an earth mother Queen" persona infiltrates other areas of her life?

Debbie Schlussel had an excellent post on the decline of fathers/men in America. I don't agree with Debbie on much, but she is spot-on about the single mother epidemic and its disastrous affects.

Let's just hope Lil' Jet Scott gets some male figures in his life early on who can remain committed to him.

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